Ancient and Divine
by birobird93
Summary: Bella goes to find Edward in South America. She ventures out into the thick jungle maze--will she find him? What shocks will she find on the way? Another ancient race is awakened. Danger is high and low--will she find safety, and Edward, in time?
1. Red eyed beasts

**Okay so, I had this idea in my head--it was annoying me so I had to get it out. I was planning on it being a one-shot, but..I don't know. I feel like there's more to it than that. I couldn't help myself. Oh, and if your interested in smut, my story, Indecent Affairs may appeal to you!**

**Chins up, my lovely fans!**

The mystic light of the moon beat down on me between the trees.

Sweat dewed on the nape of my neck, it stuck my thin cotton clothes to my skin.

I was panting with exertion. The green canopy was barely recognisable under the dense nightfall. The air was thick with moisture and it felt like I was taking a drink more than taking a breath. It made my lungs ache with the effort.

The exotic birds were nowhere to be seen, the flowers all leeched of their rainbow of colours.

The mired ground my feet landed on was slushy and unpleasant. It had recently rained here. Trudging blindly through the Amazon rainforest held no perks. I was here for one reason and one reason only. To find him. With each sluggish step, my muscles fought against collapsing.

I needed to find him. I needed to. It wasn't just a distant desire anymore.

This wasn't a fantasy that I conjured up back home. I was actually here, searching, doing something. My mind had finally snapped from months of loneliness. I hadn't seen his face in over thirteen months—such an unlucky number...or was it?

Was it a sign for change, to take charge? That was how I saw it, anyway.

I had packed my bags, explaining to Charlie after graduation that I needed to travel abroad, I needed to get away from the suffocating greenness of Forks, Washington.

Only to begin a treacherous journey by night in more suffocating greenness, this place was suffocating in the literal sense. My lungs were working overtime to provide my exhausted muscles with oxygen. My heart pumped loudly in my ears, a whooshing noise. If it were deathly silent in the rainforest at night—that would be the only sound I would hear.

Yet the sounds of crickets and other numerous unmentionable beasts that lurked in the surrounding shrubs were deafening.

I was on a mud track, my faithful guides were two Ecuadorian men—both knew the land well.

The heat was sweltering even without the sun hanging in the sky like an open furnace.

My heart battled the whole way with my head. Was I making a mistake? Was I being incredibly stupid, going out on a limb and flying to South America to look for Edward after a chance encounter with his estranged sister, Alice? It was not healthy behaviour.

But I was already here, the decision was made for me after I set foot in this country.

I could not go back without him. I heard sounds of rushing water in the distance—the river. I craved some antidote to the hot air, my heated skin, my parched throat.

I was an amateur at jungle trekking, that much was already quite obvious to my guides, Diego and Javier. We left quite early, beginning a few miles south of where we were now. From the limited information Alice had given me—along with a plea to bring her brother back—Edward was in the unlimited mass of jungle in Ecuador, south east of the centre.

He was nomadic, he would be moving around a lot which would make it hard to find—impossibly hard. I tried not to look at the statistics of in fact finding him.

They were so slim—and I was still so determined. I couldn't let myself hope the best, because the best never happened.

Edward had taught me so himself, as had my ex-best friend, Jacob Black.

I had, much to Diego and Javier's perplexing, opted to trek during the night. They had insisted we tour the jungle during the day, but...there were certain things to consider when dealing with vampires and their shocking appearances in the sunlight. As much as it was beautiful, it was alien and frightening.

Given the superstitious culture in this country, and the fact that many venture out into this woodland, I assumed Edward would still remain vigilant, no matter how far removed he had become to civilisation. He would also most likely like to remain outside of the Volturi's attention.

As would I. We had begun with a plan, to start from the bottom, from the lodge I was staying at and travel north in gridded patterns across the thick wilderness so I could _see_ it all.

My lone plan had nothing to do with _seeing_ anything.

So, instead of arguing or putting my opinion on the table to send out search helicopters to find a rogue vampire, I settled on their professional ideas and followed them out into the unknown.

Unbeknownst to them, I was on a much different journey, one that I had embarked on out of love for a man, not love for travel or for this country in particular. If they knew my real motivations, I didn't doubt they would have me sent back to the lodge hospital in case I had an hallucinating fever.

I had to admit, though.

This trip felt like a hallucination.

The bright colours of this foreign land, so different to home—which I surprisingly missed, missed with all my heart—they shone out in every direction across the horizon, the food, so new and strange, the people, people I had never met.

It was all a surreal dream—a dream that would never end until I saw him. What will happen when I finally find him? Alice, infallible as she was, couldn't predict. I hadn't made a lot of decisions in regard to the moment, so she couldn't focus on it.

She had told me—no, promised me, that Edward only left for my benefit.

Telling me that he didn't want me, it was a lie embedded into my brain to make me let go of him. How could Edward be so daft? To think that something, some_one _like him could be simply erased from my memory, from my heart by mere words?

It was insanity!

So was trudging through the forest in South America looking for your vampire boyfriend who ran away from you a year ago.

But I pushed those thoughts aside.

And, as much as I wanted—so desperately—to believe Alice, I couldn't reverse his words, to construe them differently than the way he meant them.

Because I was sure he meant them. The frayed edges of my heart ached painfully at those thoughts and memories—It hurt..._so much!_ It was no longer the raging heat or exhaustion that had me bending over at the waist, gasping for air. I was in agony, internal agony. But what I felt wasn't important.

Not anymore. He was all that mattered—taking him back to his family.

I told them that I wanted to find him—they had agreed so easily, knowing that a visit from any of them would only drive him further away. The last time they saw him was in February—in Ithaca. From their observations, he was far from the Edward he used to be.

He was distant and detached. He seemed, as Esme had so heart breakingly described, 'empty'.

I wanted to believe that our separation was the reason behind his woes, but I knew better, sadly.

Sometimes I feel I've been told too much, that I want to go back to being ignorant—more so than before.

I wanted to be happy in thinking reasonably, that Edward had loved me—emphasis on the past tense—and that his feelings had wavered.

There was nothing more to say other than that. But here I was, all-knowing. Edward had, _possibly_, shared feelings with me when we were together, but he just stopped feeling them. And as he had said, I wasn't good for him. I was holding him back, like dead weight.

He need to be rid of me to live his life because he hated pretending for me, pretending for everyone.

He is what he is, and he wanted to finally live it instead of living the illusion, the lie.

My birthday incident was the catalyst, the moment that gave him the epiphany—the realisation that I didn't belong. A fact that I had known for much too long. That, someone like me, Bella Swan, stupid, ordinary human, could never run with the vampire crowd and fit in.

It would be like placing a baby lamb with a pride of lions.

They'd either eat me alive—a distinct possibility—or they'll desert me.

I had hoped they'd eat me before they left me. The physical pain would be somehow easier to bear than the prolonged emotional turmoil I have suffered.

Diego came to a halt up ahead, noticing that I wasn't on his tail. "Isabella!" he called in his heavily accented voice. They both called me Isabella, a polite trait, calling me by my full name. His heavily muscled form stood before me then, placing a rough, calloused hand on my shoulder.

"Estas bien?" He asked with a concerned edge. Basic Spanish was all I knew.

I was fairly sure he was asking if I was alright. I nodded and tried standing up straight.

My halted walking had caught Javier's attention. The two, golden skinned men were both towering over me.

Giant men they were, Javier was also muscular, although he was not as tall as Diego.

They were both around thirty years of age, yet they held no signs of wrinkled or grey hairs--both with cat-like green eyes, rare for their race, and short, almost jet-black hair.

They looked as young as twenty.

They were both Spanish speaking, native to Ecuador, they claimed.

They were such gentle folk, always polite and helpful. It warmed my hollow heart to them. They sort of reminded me of Jake and his friends.

I sighed. Jake, Jake, Jake. He had been such a vital part of my life, he was my life support machine, he was my crutch, my life jacket or safety rail.

Once Edward had dumped me—I winced—that day in the woods, he had thrown me into a sea of oblivion and depression—Jake had been my bright yellow beacon, my life raft. He had saved me from killing myself. When I had left him back home, he was heart-broken.

When I had taken the Cullens back into my life—to Jake, it was the harshest betrayal.

He wouldn't answer my phone calls or messages. Billy was less than helpful.

And, to top it off, I got a mouthful from Charlie about how I shouldn't be chosing the Cullens—the people who abandoned me—over my best friend.

It wasn't true. I loved all of them, so dearly, well, I loved them with whatever was left of my heart, anyway. I was definitely not chosing sides. I was neutral. I was stuck dead in the centre. However, Jacob's bind to his wolf pack kept him from me, now that I was re-associated with my family of beloved 'leeches', as he so puts it.

I straightened my stance, adjusting the pack on my back before motioning the two men forward.

"Tal vez debería terminar de la noche." Diego said, placing a hand in front of me to keep me from stepping forward. I frowned and turned to Javier—who could speak English. "He thinks we should finish for the night. There is a hostel, about a mile from here...?" he offered.

"Ella podría venir con algo, se ve enfermo." Diego said in an offhand manner.

I raised a brow at Javier who was nodding in agreement to whatever came out of his mouth.

"The only words I caught were, 'she' and 'ill'?" I enquire, wiping my hand across my damp forehead.

Javier sighed. "We're sorry, but we advise that we stop for the night. You look unwell...and exhausted." He explained with an apologetic look in his eyes.

I frowned and my nostrils flared. "Javier, no! I want to keep going, I feel fine, really." I tried to defend, my voice rising an octave in panic.

Tonight was the night, I had vowed to myself. Tonight was the night we would find him. Had I known the ruthless maze of trees and vines like they, I would have gone without them. But, knowing myself and my tendency to trip a lot and the fact that I was no navigator, it was essential to have them with me.

These jungle-happy safe freaks were getting on my nerves.

Javier was pursing his lips, considering my begging to carry on or to go to finish up within the next mile.

"We will see how you are when we get closer to the next hostel." He reasoned. I nodded, fine.

Diego's hand shot out, grabbing Javier's in a sense of disapproval. I frowned, watching their exchange.

"Vamos a cruzar los territorios, Javier. El rojo de ojos se esconden más allá de las bestias." My head snapped up—my Spanish may be rusty, but I could understand a miniscule portion of his hissed words to Javier. Other than his name inserted at the end of the first sentence, I also recognized some other words, 'red eyed beasts'.

Could it mean...? My breath shook and my throat was dry, I was unable to form a question. What beasts were they talking about?

Surely not...? I mean...there are many throughout the world, vampires, that is.

But here? And if they were, how did Diego know? If anyone was ever exposed to the real life monsters, they would surely be exterminated within seconds, spare for me of course, probably the only exception— they would be void of life once they knew.

I wasn't even sure if I was thinking about what they were. Javier glanced at me nervously before slinking his eyes back to his friend.

"Los bebedores de sangre." He stated grimly to Diego who was watching him sternly, eyes like a cat. I held back a gasp—the sentence made sense in my ears. My ears were not tricking me, nor were my eyes in regard to the tense deliberation they were having in front of me, oblivious to my understanding.

That sentence, spoke in the foreign tongue, meant: 'The blood drinkers.'

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	2. Awakened

My heart stopped for a moment, then picked up twice as fast as before.

What they were talking of, it was in fact what I had been searching for.

I was so overwhelmed with elation. I shouldered past Javier and Diego who were all but done with their discussion. "Isabella!" Diego called anxiously. I sped up, I needed to reach him. I was so damn close. But I couldn't exactly find anything without my guides.

I needed them. With a reluctant sigh, I paused my speedy steps only to have Javier's brick wall frame crash into me from behind.

"Oomf!" I huffed, stumbling forward. "Come on," I said breathlessly. I poked around in my head for an excuse for my new found energy and enthusiasm. Usually I was quiet and reserved, growing more and more petulant every day that we didnt find Edward. I flinched at his name.

"We may as well hurry if we're going to spend the night at this lodge you speak of. Besides, I'm desperate for some sleep and a shower." I said, grimacing as I aired out my sticky cotton t-shirt. I glanced up at Javier, Diego loomed behind him. Javier nodded and shrugged.

"Miss Isabella dice que ella podría utilizar algo de descanso, por lo que ella quiere darse prisa para presentar la más al norte." He turned to Diego as he translated my words.

I waited for his approval. Diego nodded indifferently and started forward in front of me, Javier walked behind me.

This wasn't how we usually trekked, I tended to be the slower of the three, obviously.

This meant that I was always last in line, I wondered if the 'blood drinkers' had anything to do with this new precaution they were taking.

Whatever the reason, it kind of unnerved me. I mean, I trusted these men, completely, their touring expertise was the talk of the town.

But having them both on either side of me would prove to be difficult when I made a run for the 'blood drinker' territory. There was no doubt in my mind that they would try to stop me, I just hope that I'm quick enough for once.

These men were muscular to the extreme and I'd bet they could take me down within the blink of an eye, but I only had to remain upright and keep my legs moving for a little while. If their blatant superstitions were anything to go on, I assumed that there must be a certain point of no return that they would halt their venturing to. I only had to get past that point and I'd be on the home run. I'd be that much closer to..._him._

The thought had me on cloud nine. But I wondered how long this could last.

I would be extremely happy, yes...but...how is Edward going to react?

Is he going to be repulsed by the very sight of me? That sounds like a likely possibility, but that didn't stop my mind from imagining scenarios where he would sweep me up in his arms like he used to back home—before all of this mess occurred, before he had to leave me.

I was buzzed, a lot more than before. I was excited and thrilled, but also terrified of his reaction to seeing me after such a long time.

Being human, I change, he doesn't. He would look exactly the same, I have probably changed dramatically—well, the little things maybe—in the course of thirteen months.

I wonder what I looked like compared to his impeccable memory of me. But then again, he probably didn't delve into those memories anyway, seeing as his distractions would provide him with something to think about other than me. I wanted to kick myself for even imagining that he was thinking about me.

It was ludicrous. After everything? After all those words he had said to me? When I had asked him if he didn't want me anymore, his answer was plain and simple. It was amazing to think that one syllable can turn your world up on it's axis, can cause such tremendous heart-break that you shudder to think back on it.

"_No."_ I tried to catch the tear that escaped my eye. I shook my head and soldiered on through the bracken under my feet—leaves, sticks, rotten fruit fallen from the trees above. The smell was intoxicating, not sickly like I would have expected, but...exotic, like a perfume.

Ten minutes had passed and there was an unusual tension in the air around me.

I tried to focus it out, but it was so strong it was palpable. I glanced over my shoulder at Javier.

His head was whipping around, taking in anything and everything in our immediate surroundings, like he was scoping out the place for surveillance cameras. I frowned to myself before squinting my eyes to get a better look at Diego through the dim light.

I could tell, even from where I was standing that he was on edge.

The muscles in his back were tight, straining under his olive green singlet.

I wondered silently, why he wore such a colour out here.

If you were lost, wouldn't you want to appear visible if people were out looking for you and your half mauled body.

Instead of wearing a shiny beacon on your head, you could at least wear something that could make you more obvious if someone was searching for you.

As I looked back again, I noticed that Javier was wearing a brown singlet. What were they stealth soldiers? Was I a subject they had to get from checkpoint A to B so they could pass their test? The air was still pretty thick with humidity, weighing heavy on my lungs. How I craved for the home I once loathed.

I also craved for Phoenix, the dry heat... I pulled out my canteen and took a quick swig, splashing a bit over my face.

"Not too far to go now, Isabella." Javier assured me. I smiled over my shoulder and nodded.

"That's good, Javier." I grinned to myself, turning to watch where my feet were taking me.

The track itself wasn't as treacherous as the previous ones. It was covered in debris, yes, but it was mostly flat spare the odd hill and creek to cross over.

Many tourists had done this path, recommending it for the less experienced hikers. That would be me unfortunately. The ground beneath me sloshed a little, I noticed there was a lot of puddles, the dirt was half clay, too. I took a glimpse of Diego's footprint—barely there, he was a lot more graceful than me and my hooves.

He had gigantic feet and that only reminded me of Jacob. Ah, Jacob. He couldn't exactly judge me.

I had never chosen sides to begin with, I was Sweden, neutrality was my forte.

Yet he had chastised me for falling in love with a dead man, a monster.

If _he_ was a monster, than Jacob was no more than that, either.

I hadn't made this a fight, he had. And how could he expect me to settle in to life normally when half of me was missing? My friends and most of the Fork's population had thought I had gone crazy, well, apparently, I wasn't the only one.

If he really loved me the way he said he did, he wouldn't argue with me that I was obligated to this man, this vampire. It wasn't out of pity or because Alice begged me to go find him, it was out of love. And, if Jacob was capable of a love like mine, than he would know that I can't turn away, that I needed to go when I did.

It wasn't just a desire, it was a need. If he didn't understand that, then he didn't understand love. As tough as it may seem, it was true.

I should have put it into perspective for him. If say, someone he deeply loved, beyond rationality, was hurt or something, would he not do anything in his power to help?

Even if there were conflicting emotions or interests? Would he not do everything he could do despite that person being far away or gone for an extended amount of time? That is the way I should have explained it to him, although I doubt it would have made much difference.

The reason he didn't get it, the reason he couldn't fathom my motivation to so such a thing for this man anymore was because he had never felt the love I still feel.

Jacob hasn't been in a situation like mine. No matter how much he has hurt me or failed me—which hurts to even admit, because I feel more like I have failed him, not the other way around—love doesn't have limits. Not my love, anyway. I guess I can only speak for myself.

I pushed a few wayward branches out of my way, the sound of the running water was getting closer and I couldn't wait to refill my canteen with it's splendid goodness.

The heat, even at night, was getting ridiculous. I was going to get heat stroke within an hour. Then through a break in the shrubs, there it was.

The stream—clear and glistening in the moonlight. I sighed in relief. "Oh thank you!" I breathed, kneeling down at the edge and screwing the cap off.

I filled it to the rim, took a few thirsty sips before dipping it back in the water. Diego and Javier did the same but didn't take as long.

Diego pulled out an energy bar and devoured it in one go. I stared across the water, the reflection of the blue and silver moon... Like I giant orb in the sky, the surrounding was blackness. The eerie blackness that reminded me of their eyes.

Not _his_ in particular, just the Cullens and all vampires for that matter, in general. I remembered the day with perfect clarity, the day Alice came back. Her eyes were coal black that day. It was the day I had gone cliff diving.

A big mistake that was. Alice had thought I was dead and she had simply come to help Charlie with anything she could, to relieve the stress and anguish that comes with planning a loved one's funeral. But the thing was, I wasn't dead. It became evident that she couldn't see werewolves in her visions.

Which I took as a blessing, otherwise she probably wouldn't have come back anyway were it otherwise. I took relish in the thought she still loved me, even if _he_ didn't.

The feeling of happiness, of joy and euphoria that had evaded me for the past year had flooded my system at the mere thought of the Cullens coming back to me after spotting Carlisle's car outside my house. I had expected Carlisle, of course, but was rewarded with a very concerned Alice.

After a month or so, she had convinced Carlisle and Esme to come back to Forks, bless her heart. Rosalie and Emmett came back too, and I couldn't argue with that.

Jacob ignored me after that until the day I left, that is.

_I pushed my suitcase into the trunk of Alice's Porsche—something new she had acquired while abroad. _

_She waited in the front seat, reapplying some lipstick. I sighed, closing the trunk and turning to face Jacob. _

_His entire frame was shaking and he was glaring me down. I closed my eyes and bit my lip, taking a deep breath. _

_It was midday and there was a storm coming—I felt a serious sense of Deja vu, only this time, _I_ was saying goodbye to _Jacob_. He wore nothing but a pair of cut off jeans and a leather anklet. He was shirtless and barefoot, as always these days. "Jacob, I have to go." I said, shaking my head. He spoke through his teeth. _

_"You don't have to go anywhere, Bella." He hissed. He glanced pointedly at Alice through the back window. _

_"What if you don't come back?" he hedged, real malice in his voice. I gnashed my teeth together and squared my shoulders. "I'm going to come back, Jacob. This is something I need to do. I can't just leave him—" "He left you!" he growled. _

_"He left you because he didn't want you! Why can't you let him go?" he demanded. I recoiled from his rage, and tried to keep mine reigned in. _

_"Don't even talk about that, okay? I don't care, Jacob! I don't care what he's done to me! I need to go!" I said helplessly, my voice raising and my eyes stinging. _

_It started to drizzle miserably. I heard the automatic window wind down. "Bella! Hurry up!" Alice said, revving the engine. Jacob growled, his body quivering again. _

_He clenched his fists and went back to glaring at me. "You can stay. He's happy without you." He said, grasping at straws. I shrugged. "He needs to at least come home to his family." I defended. "There is nothing you can say that will change my mind, Jake. I'm sorry." I shook my head and his face fell in defeat. _

_"So you still love him?" he said in a disgusted tone. I didn't say anything. He already knew the answer to that question. _

_The rain picked up and the wind blew recklessly, whipping my hair across my cheeks. He shook his head. _

_"Don't look at me like that!" I yelled. "You don't understand! You never will!" I almost screamed, he wheeled up to me, his face inches from mine. "No, you don't, Bella!" he shouted. I glared back then turned to run for the passenger door. His hand grasped my elbow. "Wait!" he pleaded. "Please," I shook my head. _

_"It's too late for that Jake." I muttered before stepping inside and closing the door. He convulsed so hard like he was having a seizure. _

_He burst into a wolf before my eyes and ran straight for the woods behind my house. I hope he takes care of Charlie. I didn't want Victoria getting anywhere near him. _

That was the last time I had seen Jake.

That was our goodbye.

It wasn't the way I had planned, although nothing, I had realised, ever goes to plan.

I had refused to stay with him, just like how he had refused to stay with me after he found out what he was. I was irreversibly connected and bonded—no matter how much Edward might loathe it—to the Cullens as he was bound to his wolf pack. Where his was a rule, mine was a fact.

He took the bond because he had no choice, neither did I come to think of it. But the bond that he had with his pack was a sort of law.

Whereas my bond was just natural. It happened because I loved them, and because I fell in love with one of them.

It was only to be expected that I would go to the ends of the earth—literally—to find one of them.

"Should be another ten minutes or so," Javier commented, snapping me out of my inner ramblings.

I stood from the stream of water and fell into step behind Diego. "Good night for a trek," Javier said casually.

I raised an eyebrow. In what kind of universe would one think that tonight was perfect for back-breaking hiking?

I sighed.

Only in South America.

I rolled my eyes and shook my head as he chuckled behind me. His accent only gave it a more glamorous tone. We splashed through the warm water and back onto the rough track. After a few more minutes of trivial small talk, Diego halted up ahead.

If he had dog-ears they would have been pricked up.

I frowned and glanced back at Javier who looked just as perplexed as I felt.

"What is it?" I asked Javier, seeing as Diego wouldn't be able to understand me.

He asked Diego for me. Diego was frowning, staring ahead of us in all directions. We would have only been five minutes away from the lodge. I started walking forward, moving past Diego. "We've got like, five minutes—" I began to complain at his halting movements when he grabbed my arm and wrenched me backwards.

"Hey!" I objected, falling to the forest floor. "Diego!" I scolded. Javier stepped forward, picking me up and then standing in front of me. "What's going on, Javier?" I enquired in a whisper. His hands were shaking and he was sweating profusely. He was...scared.

"Javier?" I asked staring at his back. I could see how his breaths were coming out as deep heaves.

I put a hand on his shoulder only to flinch back. His skin was burning up. Maybe I wasn't the only one then. "Javier!" I breathed out, exasperated.

I tried to move in front of him but he just pushed me backwards, making me fall over again. I was about to yell at him when something extraordinary happened. I was so terrified and shocked that it was happening again. This couldn't be happening, not here as well.

But it was.

Diego and Javier both burst into big four-legged creatures within the blink of an eye. Fur covered their bodies, their clothes torn to shreds in the process.

I screamed, only to have what used to be Javier swat me over the face.

It was clearly a sign to shut the hell up. I cupped my cheek with my hand—I was bleeding, but only minutely. I stared up into the luminous green eyes of a predator. Of an enormous Jaguar. If the same principle went for wolves as it did for these guys, then there must be vampires near.

Vampires in the plural.

And if that was true, there was another thing to consider. I was bleeding.

A flash of pale white appeared from the trees above us, silent and unexpected, it pounced on the large spotted cat that was Diego.

I screamed again at the stranger—screamed loud because it was not Edward.

**Thank you guys for your words of wisdom and your encouragement! Hope you like this one. I'm really enjoying it too.!**

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	3. Coven

A fierce growl erupted from the large cat's throat.

I stumbled back, pushing my feet against the ground to get away from the scene before me. Shapes of white and black fur cascaded around in a blur of growls and hisses. I screamed when a stone, white hand fell to the ground—another scream echoed through the night, yet it did not come from me. It came from the maimed vampire. My lungs ached with exhaustion. My throat was sore from screaming so loud.

No matter how much I did, in fact, scream, it was to no use anyway—this forest was so dense, nobody but the monsters would be able to hear me. I managed to crawl back to my feet in the event that I would need to run. A lot of good it would do, especially now. And to think, I had been so close! So close! And to have it all taken away again...it was unacceptable. Everything my mind could comprehend...that space of my brain had been taken up by the existence of Vampires, it had been challenged by the existence of Werewolves. But South American tour guides who transformed into gigantic cats? I found myself unable to scream anymore, I had no breath, no voice. The starry night spun around me. The trees, now a green haze, swirling before my eyes as I felt no more strength in my legs.

Sickening snaps and a high keening alerted me to what was still going on just feet away from where I trembled, paralysed. My eyes would not adjust—they refused to acknowledge what was happening. They stayed wide and un-seeing, stinging with tears. Tears of fear and frustration. The compartment in my brain that was still trying to categorise everything logically was growing tired. There was no denying what I saw. In the world I lived in, breathed in...there truly were more monsters than I knew. More than I could ever know or comprehend. And Edward was among them...stuck somewhere, out of my reach at the moment—and possibly forever.

I didn't know which one of those points was causing me more pain...probably the latter. In an insane, crazy world with no sense of reality, but having Edward Cullen right there by my side wouldn't compare to the dull and dreary one I had lived my entire life so far in. If things like this, supernatural, paranormal things—like Vampires didn't exist, that would mean Edward wouldn't either. That thought was almost incomprehensible...unthinkable.

He _had _to exist, in some form.

And if not, than I would cease to. I was fixated on trying to breathe right, slowly thawing myself from my state of shock. I had just regained access to my lungs again when the air whooshed out of them. Hard, white, pale limbs flashed before me, striking me across the chest. I loud, gurgled sob broke free of my mouth before I fell backwards. Roaring and screeching sounded from where I last saw Javier and Diego. Hands encircled my throat before my air was cut off completely. Teeth, razor sharp. Eyes, dark as blood—hungry with an unyielding wild sense of hostility. I blanched, awaiting the last seconds that would lead to my death as I was drained of blood...my bones broken...my skull crushed in their hands. My attacker...their tanned yet pallid skin—it may have been shocking and lunacy to even feel a little happy—it was a reminder, a welcome one, of Edward. The texture...the cool hardness. And yet, the choking fear wouldn't abate. I sucked in a breath, it should be over within a split second.

A fierce howl erupted from the black, spotted creature that used to be Javier. Diego was nowhere to be seen. I gulped...the blood on my cheek was still fresh and most likely very appetising. Why wasn't I dead yet?

"Usted permanecerá en silencio, muchacha bonita." The vampire hissed in my ear, his voice strained as if he were holding himself back.

But why? I then came to a realisation. He most likely had a coven of at least two or more other vampires. He would want to share. I would die screaming as they tore me a part, unable to relish in an easy, painless death. I had grown too accustom to _my _type of vampires—the Cullens. I hadn't stopped to think of the savages that lurked everywhere else. The ones Edward had once tried to keep me from. I couldn't understand the words he just spoke.

Even if I knew Spanish thoroughly, my body was in a state of shock. I breathed heavily, the air coming in and out of my lungs in heavy gasps as Javier slyly approached, the hackles on the back of his neck were raised, his teeth bared menacingly. A feral growl burst from the animal before us. The fowl glow of his eyes was enough to give me spine tingling fear, enough to drive every last sliver of hope from my body. But he was on my side. He was trying to save me. Well, whatever he was. I wasn't sure what to call him. The jaguar advanced on us, sleek and quick, like a snake striking it's prey.

The vampire had my arms pinned behind my back, they tugged infinitesimally and I was already soaring through the air. I held in the scream that I wanted to expel. We were now on the other side of Javier, my feet dangling above the ground as the vampire kept his dangerous grip on my arms. He held me as if I weighed nothing. I hadn't even noticed then that his clothes were in tatters. He wore only pants, a bare chest...I hadn't seen his face properly, other than a mere glimpse. I don't think I even wanted to. To look into the eyes of the monster that would take my life, as expendable and meaningless as it was. Even though the concept of death at this point was more than appealing, I still couldn't help but be scared. When I left home, I had known the dangers of coming here. I had known the almost certainty of injury or death, of running into unruly creatures—like the one who's hands I was at the mercy of right now. Alice and the rest of the Cullens had forewarned me. Plenty of times. I knew. I knew what I was getting myself into. As I mulled over it a moment longer, the thought of death coming now? After my whole exhausting effort to find _him._

I felt a sharp pang of loss and defeat. Again. It was happening all over again. The raging, feral, scratching pain was threatening to claw away at my insides once more. With great love, came great agony. Seconds had ticked by...at least ten. There was silence, nothing but my erratic breathing and heart beat. The big cat emerged from the shrubs on my left. The vampire was quicker, propelling us into the canopy of trees above our heads. The cat roared in angry frustration. I whimpered.

"Just do it already." I begged, helpless.

Hot tears streaked down my damp face. I heard the rustle of the brush underneath us. The cat was approaching. The vampire must have realised I only spoke English. His next words, I could actually understand.

"Now, now," he whispered in his thick accent.

"I must not give in that quickly. I have to share with my brothers and sisters." He chuckled breathily against the back of my neck. It was finally over. I had never finished what I had set out to do. I will never finish. I had failed and Edward may never be reunited with his family—the ones who had trusted me to bring him home. _I _would never see Edward again. "Mmm..." the monster groaned.

"You smell delicious. Where on Earth did you come from?" he asked in wonder.

I didn't answer. The giant cat prowled under the branch we were hanging from. As it pounced to attack, we were soaring through the air again. This time I couldn't help but scream. We were travelling so fast. I clenched my eyes shut. I had nothing to hold onto so I just clenched my fists, unable to help my arms from flailing out in front of me. The vampire had a hold of my waist, landing lithely on the ground again, only to speed off into the darkness. I knew this all too well. But with Edward I had enjoyed it. I had nothing to fear. Now, here I was, being swept off to my doom. I tried not to be too disappointed. I knew the chances were slim. But after hearing that vampires resided here, I couldn't stop myself from hoping I had finally found him. After searching for so long. To be denied something I had longed for—so whole heartedly, so unequivocally. I felt the feelings...the happiness, the hope. I was devoid of them now. The wind whisked by my face, drying my damp with sweat clothes as the monster kept a vice grip on me. I don't know why he bothered with the motions. He could have just killed me. But then again, I didn't know the dynamics of eating humans.

Maybe it tasted better if we were fresh. I shuddered and felt my stomach drop, my heart thrust up into my throat and another shriek of terror erupt from my throat as I was flung forward, this time I was not being held. There was no safety net.

I dove into the ground, rolling until I came to a stop. I choked on blood, spitting it out onto the dirt. I looked up and was met with a circle of curious vampires. I was lying in the middle of what looked like a dry, dirt clearing. Since when was anything in this country dry? The sets of red eyes studied me intently. I took a defensive position, not knowing what good it would do. It just made me feel a little less vulnerable. But did I want to see it when they ran at me to kill me? Or would I rather not know when they would strike? I couldn't decide, so I just stared back, eyes wide and filled with tears. I would never see him again.

Never. Never. The reality of my thoughts brought back the memories of losing him in the first place. A strangled sob came from my throat as I turned my head around to take in all the faces. Four in total. I shuddered but kept my grounds. I even stood up slowly as to not make any sudden movements. Most of them were all tanned and pallid. There was one of them that reminded me of Laurent. He was a very dark, chocolate colour, but his eyes gave away the creature that he really embodied. They all shared measured glances with one another before one piped in. A woman, about twenty, well twenty when she was turned.

Her vivid red eyes scanned over me once before turning to the man that brought me here.

"What is this, Gabriel?" she asked unabashedly.

I glanced, frightened, towards the man—Gabriel. He shrugged.

"Una chica," he replied casually.

She growled, frustrated, throwing her hands up in the air.

"I _know_ it's a girl!" she snarled, her body becoming eerily still.

Her eyes blazed with a viciousness that was not completely foreign to me. My glassy eyes slid to the man. The other two vampires waited silently, neither of them took their eyes off of me. The snarling woman was tall, statuesque. She reminded me of Rosalie, except for the long dark hair. This woman had exotic beauty, whereas Rosalie had porcelain beauty. I could see the comparison in personality though. Cold and bitter. I kept my hands clasped together and my shoulders hunched as I watched their exchange.

"She is tough, this one." Someone commented, their voice layered with an accent, too.

I was breathing hard. Why were they discussing me? Why weren't they having a feast? I felt almost as if my demise couldn't come soon enough. I was tired of being full of fear, of pain. I wanted it to be over—I wanted to finally rest. Death would come as a relief. If I had no more hope left, why not get it over with quickly?

"Why did you bring her here? What are we supposed to keep her or something?" another woman piped in.

My eyes flicked immediately in her direction. She caught my attention as she did not carry an accent. She sounded like she was from the north, too. I stared at her, how did I not see her before? She must have been hiding. Her reddish brown hair shimmered in the moonlight, glistening. She flipped it over her shoulder before glaring at Gabriel who stared back at both women, petulant.

"I thought you would be grateful to share," he spat. "I will not make that mistake again." He added, walking forward.

I gasped and wailed out of reflex, afraid that whatever they wanted to do would undoubtedly be painful, but I remembered that it would be over soon. I clamped my lips together to keep from making any more noise as the one named Gabriel came to me in a flash. The wind of his passage ruffling my hair. He leaned in, all I could do was stand there and not flinch.

"So, maybe we should have some fun...?" the chocolate skinned man offered playfully.

I looked at him, his eyes were playful yet sinister. His leanly muscular build was intimidating...yet his eyes were what scared me the most. They began circling me then, like their prey. They were the predators, after all. They all stalked one way, their eyes roaming over my trembling form, studying me like one would study a meal. Which is exactly what I was to them. I was a dispensable piece of meat. I was blood, a feed and nothing more. These were the types of vampires that lacked humanity. My heart rate picked up and they all hissed in unison, hearing it. It must have been appealing to them.

The tall Rosalie look-alike licked her lips. I closed my eyes, letting my tears stream down in hot rivulets. They chuckled at my pain and fear. I didn't hear their footsteps, their movements shrouded in silence like the rest of their species, but I heard their laughter. They came closer, their hands running down my back, caressing my face. I just took it. Hopefully, I wouldn't have to bear it much longer.

"Such a beautiful human," one said, Gabriel perhaps.

"Such a pity," another said, the other man.

"She reminds me of you, Luiza." The tall one said.

I knew it was her. I peeked through my lashes at the other woman, the shorter one. She smirked devilishly.

"I suppose so. Yet I was not as pitiful." She said, hissing at me.

I flinched back and prepared for the onslaught. I squeezed my eyes shut again, opening them one last time. A dark figure emerged from the shrubs a few feet away. I held back another terrified shriek. Another monster to devour me. I sobbed. I couldn't help it anymore. The waiting was too painful.

"Just do it!" I begged. "I can't bear it anymore! Kill me! I will take it!" I said, falling to my knees.

I looked up into their eyes, eyes that were filled with amusement and wonder—but no trace of mercy. This was going to be long and torturous. I will not go peacefully and painlessly.

That would be my punishment for asking. Gabriel grabbed my hair from behind, hauling me to my feet.

"No." A voice sounded from the brush.

Gabriel twitched but let go of my hair, shoving me forward. I stumbled but stayed in the middle of the small circle. He nudged me, but with his unnatural force, I fell to the ground. Someone hissed.

"Have I not taught you compassion, Gabriel?" the stranger hissed.

My breath caught in my throat and my heart was now beating through my rib cage. I rolled onto my back to stare up at the sky, sure that my ears were betraying me.

"I say we eat her now!" Luiza crowed.

The other woman agreed vehemently before they both lunged forward. I didn't even have time to scream, my lungs wouldn't work. I didn't feel like anything in my body would work. As quickly as they lunged, another body intercepted. I was no longer lying on the ground, but pinned against a tree.

"NO!" He roared with as much intensity as the sinister vampires put together.

Gabriel had his hand on my neck, his jaw open and teeth bared. He whipped his head back. I screamed. And then he disappeared. A loud crashing sound reverberated through the forest. I clapped my hands over my ears at the unexpected noise. A piercing shriek sounded through the clearing, I soon recognised it as my own. Had I not expected him to be here? Naivety was a compelling route of explanation. Yet I the thought of Edward being with the first coven I found was incredibly wishful, it was what was happening. With my mind was swinging in one direction then the other—begging for death and then trying desperately to avoid it. The unbelievable situation I found myself in was enough to decide what I wanted. I needed life. Because he was here.

I could see him with my own eyes, whether it was an hysterical hallucination or the real thing. Edward was here. My eyes began to focus on the commotion. Edward stood three feet away from me with his arms spread out to shield me. In comparison to when I last saw him, he had no perceptible changes apparent. There was, however, the way he was acting. He was protecting me. He was protecting me from his own kind. All kinds of emotions flooded my senses, none of which would be helpful in saving either of our lives. And, I couldn't have Edward die to save me. Not in a million years.

"Edward," I choked out, my voice being the only sound.

They had all gone silent—the eerie atmosphere held wild properties. As if at any moment, one could be at the other's throat, tearing and shredding. Edward was growling, warning the others to back off. It must have been the shock of the moment—he straightened slightly, as if he only now realised what he had been doing. The four vampires that stood in an offensive semi-circle in front of Edward all had their teeth bared, ready. The night was still hot, I was bathing in the humidity. My clothes were sticking to my skin again. I hastily registered the blood that still covered my cheek. I covered it with my hand, appalled with myself. The torture that Edward must be going through. The tense stand-off seemed to waver the moment Edward relaxed his defensive stance. I had not expected him to be happy to see me, that was just what I assumed would happen. But, as much as that may be, I never expected him to do what he did next.

"I...apologise," he said, looking to each of them. I was trying to comprehend.

"But, as you may know...we don't harm humans. If you are going to accomplish this transition, we will not harm the girl." He reminded them.

They all had a look of pure distain on their faces, the idea was unpleasing to them.

"This one will be of no use to us—seeing as we will not eat her." He continued. Where was this going?

"I don't care where you take her, but we are not going to be vile parasites and drink her blood for sustenance when we can survive off of alternatives." He reasoned.

I was diving into a pool of wonder and solace as his voice enveloped me. But it was short-lived. Edward grasped my wrist, he wasn't being gentle. He turned around almost dejectedly before finally meeting my eyes. He pulled me to the middle of the circle then.

"I will take her." He announced, waiting for an objection.

"But she will expose us. The rest of the tribe will know that one of theirs has been killed by us. We will be at war with the four-legged beasts." Gabriel told them.

"Your flagrant ideals have grown old on me, Edward. I have no patience. I need blood. And she smells so divine..." he moaned. Edward stiffened.

"Gabriel." He said in a warning tone, appealing to his cause.

I watched the exchange with a distant sort of interest. Edward didn't want me, of course he didn't. He only cared that I go home and that my death wasn't on his hands.

"Edward, please!" I begged in a whisper. They all snapped their heads in my direction. Gabriel hissed at me, advancing closer. Edward took a step between us.

"That's enough." He said, his voice abnormally even.

"Why does she mean so much to you?" Gabriel questioned abrasively.

Edward still clutched my arm, his hold tightened slightly.

"She doesn't." I felt it all slip away then.

Everything that was left. Again. Love gave him that unmistakable power over me. Love gave him the power to break me. I was broken—to which there was no return. My knees gave way and I felt myself falling but couldn't find it in me to keep it from happening. Edward, reflexively reached out and caught me, steadying me with his arms.

"I'm sure," Gabriel muttered sarcastically.

"If she is of no importance, than you can leave. You don't have to watch this." His hands shot out, pushing Edward off to the side as he reached for me.

"NO! STOP!" He roared, louder than last time.

I screamed, Gabriel's arms encircled my neck from behind as I stared into Edward's mortified face. The fiery pits of hell would not compare to the burning in his eyes.

"What's your name, chica?" he whispered into my ear affectionately.

Edward's eyes blazed with a thousand torches of hate. He shook his head infinitesimally. What did it matter now? His arms tightened and I gasped.

"We don't have forever, sweet heart. Well, _you_ don't have forever." He corrected.

New tears of anguish welled in my eyes as I knew he was right.

"Bella," I responded.

Edward's face grew impossibly more angry. Gabriel's eyes flickered to Edward, back to me and then to him once more. He laughed.

"It is her," he said breathily, in amazement and humour.

He shook his head as if disgusted. Edward's jaw tensed, his posture frighteningly intimidating. It exerted violence, hatred and wildness. He looked like he was going crazier with every word Gabriel uttered.

"A human?" Luiza scoffed.

"Oh my, Edward," she said, clucking her tongue.

"Then, I guess it would be a tragedy if she were to...die...wouldn't it?" she taunted with a poisonous chuckle.

"Awful waste," another noted.

"We should have her now, while he watches." One suggested cheerfully, clapping their hands together.

Edward's fierce growl rang out through the clearing. Birds and numerous animals scurried off, their movements amplified by the rustling plants and shrubs. The moon beat down over Edward's face, radiating a soft glow, the planes of his face were more sharp. He looked other-worldly. I swallowed hard, memorising his face—how I loved him, how he sounded...his eyes. The warm, butter scotch colour...my favourite. All irreplaceable parts of my life now. Another blow to this heart and I was sure to keel over where I stood in the grips of a murderous vampire.

"We could make a compromise," Gabriel conceded almost bored with the issue now.

"It took all of my restraint to get her here intact. You should be thanking me," he grinned.

Edward took a few measured steps forward.

"What compromises?" he snarled, not concealing his rage anymore. Was he angry that they were going against his wishes? I didn't know why Edward bothered asking out loud—he could have just read it in his thoughts. Maybe it was for my benefit, so I could hear my own fate.

"You could change her." Gabriel said. Edward growled.

"What else?" he spat through clenched teeth. Gabriel chuckled but released me.

"You will not take her away." He ordered, shoving me in his direction.

"We will come after you and make you watch us devour her sweet little neck." He smiled wistfully.

Edward's eyes were narrowed into slits.

"Why would you want an unimportant little human like her?" he pressed, grabbing me and moving me beside him, angling his body so he was half-shielding me.

"Well, because I am curious. She is a magnificent human being for one—so brave, begging for death, submitting to us. And you know that I am able to transmit electrical surges within someone's body. Enough to make them fry. Now...how is it that she is not yet a pile of ashes at your feet?" he enquired rhetorically.

He smirked then after Edward didn't answer.

"We will always know where you are." He said in a deathly whisper.

I shuddered at the danger in his tone. I didn't doubt that he would kill me or Edward in a heartbeat. Edward didn't turn as the other vampires disappeared back into the scrub. I was still breathing hard, trying to reconcile with my brain over what was happening.

"You're alive." He said, his voice oddly strained.

I couldn't move or talk. He turned around to face me then.

"You're alive." He repeated, disbelief colouring his tone.

"This is...unbelievable." he murmured with wide eyes as he stared down at me.

His eyes flickered to my cheek, then darkened.

"What did that to you?" he asked, his voice was hard, betraying all his emotions at once.

My hand moved up to my cheek, the blood forgotten at this point.

"An animal," I managed to whisper, barely audible to human ears, even my own.

"Why did you come here?" he demanded, his tone laced with rage.

I blinked. Why did I come here?

"To...take you home...to Esme and Carlisle." I said, not mentioning my personal motives.

He didn't need to know how pathetic I was.

"Do you have any idea what you've done?" he seethed.

I choked on nothing, it felt like my throat was tightening. I clutched my hand to my chest.

"I...don't...?" I murmured.

"They know who you are. They know that you mean something to me. They will kill you, the first chance they get." He stressed, his voice sharp and unyielding.

He wasn't holding back—I deserved to be yelled at. Now, I had possibly put both our lives in danger. I should never have come. But seeing him was just an impossible opportunity to deny.

"These vampires are strong...I can't run away with you. We'll both be killed." He said, lowering his voice.

"You should never have come here." I couldn't take the rejection anymore.

I sucked in a breath, turned away and started trudging off into the trees.

"Bella!" Edward scolded.

He materialised in front of me. I couldn't let him see my face. I couldn't let him see how broken I was because of him.

"Maybe you're right," my voice came out strangled as I stumbled on the uneven surface.

"Maybe I shouldn't have come for you. But I couldn't help it. You have..._no idea_ what it's been like," I reached my hands out for a tree to steady myself.

I couldn't feel my legs. The searing agony was making an appearance, slowly but surely. I slumped against the tree, sliding down to my knees. I let myself curl up on the forest floor, trying keep from shattering. Edward's cool hands rested on my back and legs. He lifted me up from the ground effortlessly, sat down, and cradled me on his lap. He leaned back against the tree.

"But after everything I've done...why would you do that?" he asked in a whisper, his ochre eyes blazing, impatient for my answer.

I squeezed my eyes shut.

"Because living without you...Edward, is..." I was shaking my head vigorously.

"There aren't words." I finally answered. That was the best I could do.

"I do have an idea." He said suddenly. I opened my eyes slightly to watch his face, still in awe at how my memories never did him any justice.

"What?" I asked, confused. He was looking straight ahead then.

"I do have an idea of what it's like. With time...I thought stupidly, that it would get better." He went on. His eyes met mine with a feverish intensity. I found myself grasping for a hold on reality. Was I really here? In his arms?

"If I don't have you, nothing ever will be."

* * *

**Wow, dudes, I didn't know I could bust out phrases like that! I find myself feeling very philosophical.**

**My favourite sentence was: With great love, came great agony.**

**Huh, profound much? Yeah, I think so. Unless I read it somewhere and don't remember. In the event of that being true, I apologise to whoever is smarter than me to think of it. Kudos, mystery writer.**

**Anyways, I know that I have been slacking in this story, sorry if I've kept you waiting for too long.**

**IA and Blood Moon have been eating up my time. I would also like to tell all my fabulous readers that I have entered the 'Countdown to Christmas collaberation' I have submitted my ONE-SHOT to BreathofTwilight and it will be posted sometime in December...I THINK. For those of you who haven't heard of it, the countdown to christmas is a group of authors getting together to write one-shots--smutty one shots for Twilight fics based on Christmas. Then we are all participating in a major collab piece. My chunk just got sent to me the other day and I have to get writing so I won't get in trouble for slacking. ;)**

**Just a heads up for the IA:2 readers, I will be updating that next. Within the next few days.**

**Oh, and where is Durtynelly these days? I am like, mega pissed that she hasn't updated yet!**

**But the show must go on, whether my smut-a-fic needs are met or not. **

**Oh, and some good news, I am now the proud Beta of Bellalullabye09 and her magnificent story. ;) Be sure to check it out-- Like a Moth to A Flame.**

**I think that'll be it for now, my pretties!**

****blows out candle****

**Night! Well, goodbye!**

**xox**

**-birobird**


	4. Inferior

**Here you go, folks. A few hours of torture and mulling over this little bitch. It was hard, but I got it done. Had a few spankings with Sparkleward of course, he was being difficult, and so was Bella. But, I eventually got them to work for their rewards.**

**And this was the finished product. :)**

**I hope you guys enjoy it. I haven't updated this one in ages. REVIEW! I WANT MORE REVIEWS! LOTS OF THEM! (im kind of demanding)**

**You should, like, totally download Alexandre Desplat – New Moon, the score (Edward leaves) Perfect music for this chapter. I had it on repeat. Same with Roslyn- Bon Iver and St Vincent.**

* * *

"...For fear of that, I still will stay with thee;  
And never from this palace of dim night  
Depart again. Here, here will I remain  
With worms that are thy chamber-maids; O, here Will I set up my everlasting rest..."

Romeo (Act IV, scene III)

* * *

The world shifted under me.

I resumed consciousness, my eyes burning with the unexpected glow of sunlight. It filtered down from the dense canopy above us; I found it difficult to adjust.

My face was turned to the sky; stone arms encircled my body, cradling me.

Was I dreaming? Lost in a blissful sense of illusion?

If so, it didn't matter too much. I was happy, content. I would always be, if I remained in his presence. Flickers of incandescent light, shimmering light; I stared sleepily from the corner of my eye. I saw pale skin and smiled.

"I'm sorry I woke you," Edward murmured into my ear, his voice surprisingly crystal.

However, it showed an intense strain; emotionally laden.

I frowned, squinting my eyes closed before peeling them fully open, encountering the form that was not my imagination; my memories rehashed from the night before.

Feelings and realisations crashed through me, ten-fold. I shifted in his arms, the events from the previous night dawning on my conscious.

I could no longer repel the heavy burden with slumber. It seemed we had not moved from our place under the tree; where I had curled into a mess of despair over him. I breathed in deeply, relishing in Edward's scent. It was so foreign to me now, yet still held that feeling of familiarity. I had been away from it for too long.

Delighting in this; a mere sensation of smell, I relaxed slightly. Yet I was still cautiously aware of everything else. The coven of vampires I had stupidly stumbled into—they seemed intent on either killing me or keeping me as some novelty. And somehow, I agreed with them—however sinister they may be—that I needed to be changed. But that prospect was tender, and another unwanted affliction in Edward's point of view.

"W-what?" I mumbled incomprehensibly.

I felt like I was still stuck in a dreamscape; impossibilities now becoming certainties.

I fisted my hands and rubbed my eyes to clear away the sleepy fog, focussing.

"Maybe you should go back to sleep; you still look tired, love." He told me, gently rubbing my back.

I frowned harder before shifting enough so that I was sitting up-right. Edward stared back at me, his eyes a shade darker than usual; golden brown...not as bright as yesterday. What struck me most, what my heart recognized first about his appearance, was that he looked drawn. He looked tired—even for a vampire. But behind that; a shimmer of hope.

Recognizing these emotions; would it be helpful or detrimental? Or, possibly even helpless at this point?

Was seeing him here going to make it that much more agonizingly difficult to let him go again?

Maybe.

But, given the thirteen months I'd been living without him; dealing with the extra pain was nothing if I got to see him again. To touch and smell and be near. I hadn't realised I'd been staring for very long until Edward spoke again.

"Are you okay?" he murmured.

I shook my head, trying to clear it—glancing down around me, I was quite inappropriately huddled into Edward's lap.

Panic overcame me; I had no right to touch him. We were no longer in that vicinity. I swallowed loudly and stumbled out of his grasp, standing up; wobbling.

"I-I..." I stuttered.

Sweat beaded on my forehead from the heat of the sun, possibly indicating it was roughly midday; it was high in the sky. I had been sleeping for a long time.

I scrubbed my hand over my face, seeing everything clearly.

Maybe too clearly.

Pain gripped me again, almost to the point of incapacitation.

I tried in vain to hide it. Edward's hand immediately sought my arm, steadying my trembling form before I fell into a heap again. I was weak, pitiful. Why on Earth had he even been with me in the first place? I was primitive, inferior; what could he have possibly gained except for trouble when he was with me? And, next to that; the fact that he could have anyone, a vampire, even—superior and infinitely more beautiful.

It was hard to breathe, every function of my body trying to contend with his presence.

This only amplified my prior belief of how weak and human I was. It was truly pathetic.

I tore my gaze from the ground I was transfixed on; anchoring my eyes upon his face again. Memories, fond ones—but tainted with the horrible—seeped into my mind. I choked on them, wincing in pain as I relived those last moments we shared. Could I survive that once more? Have the months of severe depression rake over my heart with unrelenting power over again?

I knew then that it was not going to happen.

Living through such destruction; it only happened once in a life time.

If one was strong, indestructible, they may make it through a second time—barely intact.

But me? I wasn't unscathed, still not healed from the first time he left. How would I be able to deal with it again when I was already damaged?

I closed my eyes tightly, fighting against the urge to crumple in on myself. Although I knew what had to happen now—it would have to wait, since we were in this dire situation, caused by my sheer stupidity, Edward and I would have to find our way out.

The thought of not making it almost seemed peaceful to the havoc within.

But Edward was more important. He had to leave, to get home; like I had promised his family. And if I was going to do one measly thing right, it would be this.

For once; I had to do something selfless.

Edward watched me, unaware of my morbid resolve.

I could bare as a distraction to the coven; vampires could not resist human blood. Their minds, already savage—the Cullens being the exception and not the rule—would be unable to focus on Edward for the moment, instead, solely on me.

I was his ticket out; home.

And this was my parting gift to him. I would have to be patient for now, though. I would wait until night fall. This would be more convenient for Edward's escape; they couldn't hurt him then. And if they came after him once I was dead and drained, he would _hear_ them coming. A true advantage.

I swallowed the dry lump in my throat before opening my eyes.

"I'm fine," I whispered dully.

I slowly moved my eyes up to his. He was staring just like I had been before. I wondered idly if he would forgive me for this indiscretion once he was home with his family.

He smiled tightly down at me; I could help how my heart inflated in my chest.

I mustn't have any hope, though. I would only make leaving_ him_ that much harder.

I was glad that he could not enter my mind, that my thoughts and plans and secrets were still of a mystery to him. Would he be angry about what I had planned?

Did he even care? Or, was I as dispensable as I had thought all along? A mere blip under his radar, a transient dilemma among a much larger scheme of things in his immortal life.

A thousand words wanted to flow from me; questions mostly. Everything about why he left; although I had gotten the gist of it previously. Was I a masochist? Did I want the pain of knowing how I wasn't good enough? How I never will be?

I guess that was a possibility too, I was beyond repair, broken almost to the point of insanity. I've known for months that I will never be able to return to the Bella I had been before Forks, before Edward; and definitely nowhere near the Bella I was when I was with Edward.

She was fearless.

But my courage left, everything left, the day _he_ left.

Strong, strong pain pierced through my chest. It was purely debilitating. However, I had grown somewhat used to it by now, although it usually caught me by surprise, how powerful the agony was. Right now, after a year of practice; I had perfected a brilliant poker face.

And yet...somehow...somehow I sensed he could see through it.

So, I averted my gaze around me, avoiding his all-knowing eyes.

The jungle was lively, colourful, during the daylight hours. Unfortunately for me, the non-mythical brand of vampires had no limits to coming out in the sun—only in public. And because we were literally in the middle of nowhere, that would neither be a problem nor a mere thought to consider. Besides, the only people who came out here, knew exactly what lurked. The natives; my tour guides: Javier and Diego.

I bit my lip anxiously.

Those men had fought to protect me, a stranger, in the midst of killers, cold blooded.

I so selfishly pushed the worry of their lives aside in order to gain more closeness to my objective.

Were they dead? Lost? Although I doubted that; they knew this jungle just as well as the wolves back home knew the forest and woodlands.

I hated that I had to address him, especially after what I had done.

I didn't feel I had the right.

"Ed-Edward?" I murmured, glancing up at him then looking away.

I waited for a response...or a rebuff.

"Yes, Bella?" he answered softly.

I breathed out a sigh of relief.

"Do you know...what—what happened to my guides? Javier and-and Diego?" My voice trembled, still completely jarred.

I mean, to have all of my worst nightmares confirmed; to have every fantasy, every monster, every story book—to have all of that come to life before my eyes.

It was too much to comprehend.

Maybe it was also possible that nothing was fantasy. The horrors confined to books, old fables and films...they could all be true.

Edward was silent for a moment.

"Javier...he still roams around, close to us, but not close enough to smell. He keeps moving away, staying to their territory. He's desperate to find you, but is also certain that there is a slim to none chance that you're still alive." He told me, his voice failing to hide his brooding.

What was he thinking so hard about?

"He feels disgusted with himself...that he let an innocent be taken away by the vampire. And what made it worse...he," Edward paused, staring deeply at me.

I couldn't break the gaze, our eyes locking. He studied mine with precision, and I couldn't help but study his—the exact colour, the small, golden flecks and highlights that made his eyes unique, not soulless or sinister, but human. The sun also illuminated his hair—the bronze shade and the golden tones within that.

"He feels terrible for drawing your blood." He said lowly, almost angrily.

"Filthy," he muttered, scowling at the tree roots beneath our feet.

His head snapped up then, most likely in response to a sound that my ears did not pick up. I froze, only to be moved by Edward.

He put a firm hand on my arm and pulled me back to him, placing his body in front of mine, just like last night. Pure guilt; guilt is what was driving his irrational and outrageous vendetta to protect me from this coven of Vampires.

A low snarl erupted in Edward's chest; he reared closer to me, pressing me into the bark of the tree.

"What, Edward?" I gasped, thoroughly terrified now.

That was something I would have to overcome; fear of death, of the unknown.

"They're coming to check up on us," he spat, livid.

Wind blew my hair around my face, the shrubs and dead leaves rustling with the passage of more vampires.

The one who had captured me the night prior, Gabriel, stood before us, flanked by the American woman and the Rosalie look-alike.

"Hello little Bella," Gabriel cooed, smiling at me as I peeked under Edward's arm.

Edward growled in response.

Gabriel's smile fell in mock insult.

"What? I can't greet your little feeding bag?" he questioned humorously.

Edward remained silent.

Gabriel chuckled.

"Iara," he motioned to the beautiful woman. "Luiza and I were curious about your human." He explained.

So, the Rosalie look-alike was named Iara.

Both women stared at me devilishly, smirking at my obvious vulnerability. My hands instinctually grasped Edward's tattered shirt; the physical contact seemed to sooth me, placate me for the moment.

Iara laughed then, jerking her chin towards me indicating for the others to follow her gaze.

"Look at her, she's worthless and feeble. She should mean nothing more to us than what a piece of meat does for a human." She sneered, using English.

She wanted to threaten me; make sure I understood how she loathed my intrusion. And how she wished I would be extinguished, quickly.

She reminded me a lot more of Rosalie then.

I swallowed my fear, leaving it locked up inside my brain so I wouldn't collapse. Luiza spoke, her voice held more seriousness.

"Why must you keep her, Edward?" she appealed.

"You must understand! She will exploit us to the human world! Do you want to feel the immeasurable wrath of the Volturi coven once they find out?" she was aiming her words at Edward, but she glowered at me.

The Volturi.

"I won't, I-" I began, trying to get a reprieve.

Gabriel shushed me, turning his gaze back on Edward—his stance hadn't relaxed or moved. In fact, he hadn't moved or said a thing since they arrived.

"So, I suppose you haven't changed your mind then?" he ventured, already knowing the answer.

"I will not bite the human," Oh, how it pained me; his dismissive use of the word, not bothering to call me by my name.

"And neither will you." He warned, his voice lowering dangerously.

The three predators were silently scowling at me for a moment before Gabriel became pensive.

"What is it about her that appealed to you in the first place?" he quizzed, although he seemed genuinely curious and not trying to bait Edward...much.

"What concern is it of yours?" Edward hedged.

Luiza and Iara chuckled as Gabriel smiled delightedly. He took a small step forward, Edward's body tensed. He snarled at Gabriel.

I tightened my grip on the back of his shirt. Gabriel was being quite bold at the moment; taking another step toward us. A fierce growl escaped Edward's teeth, tearing through the serenity of the jungle. I heard animals scatter across the ground and in the trees.

Their instincts told them to escape, keep a wide berth from the danger.

As should I. But then again; I was a stupid human—ruled by my unstable emotions.

I wondered distantly if I was possibly more unhinged and unpredictable than a vampire.

Gabriel's eyes narrowed, a smirk appearing on his lips; he was testing Edward. Testing if he would continue to stand his ground or give in. I guess he got his answer.

He shook his head.

"Pity. To have a vampire such as yourself, turn your back on your own kind for..." he glanced pointedly at me, I shrank back.

"_That_." He seemed puzzled by that fact, blinking his eyes.

"I haven't tried to leave with her—" Edward began.

"Yet." Iara cut in.

"What are you going to do when it needs food? It will not survive out here, Edward. Your absurdity about this whole issue will have been for nothing after she wastes away. Even then, her blood will have been spoiled." Gabriel explained.

"So, why not get it over with?" Luiza asked, intercepting Gabriel.

Her eyebrows were raised, waiting impatiently for a response.

Edward gave none.

Gabriel sighed in exasperation.

"You're only making this harder for the both of us," he told Edward, smiling apologetically.

"What I don't understand," Iara continued. "Is that you thought she was dead before, and you were content to be with us. Although, you were always in a horrid mood. So what difference does it make now? She'll be dead again soon enough."

_Hopefully._

Edward was ready to spring forward.

I grasped his arm. Starting a fight now would only ruin my plan. Then I would have nothing to give Edward.

A snap of a twig to our left alerted us to another presence.

The vampire with the dark skin was watching our exchange with curious and amused eyes. Apparently Edward felt he was too close for comfort. He moved me a little, so he was angled towards the dark vampire and the rest.

"Edward, stop it." I begged.

Luiza glanced at me and chuckled.

"Listen to the human, Edward—she's being smarter than you at the moment." She said.

Iara and Luiza whispered to each other then and disappeared.

"Hunting," Gabriel smirked, motioning for the lone vampire to our left to join the conversation.

"They've decided to abandon your ideals of humanity, Edward. Not that it wasn't interesting..." he trailed off, shrugging.

"Antoin and I are quite capable of overpowering you, Edward. We have double the strength. And you..." he smiled down at me again. "You have a disability."

Edward remained painfully quiet.

"And don't worry about us returning tomorrow. We'll be back tonight." He warned, heaving another angelic grin at Edward before disappearing back into the scrub.

Edward instantly relaxed his posture.

That was the opening.

Then it would happen tonight.

~~~___~~~

Sharp cramps pierced through my stomach. I bent over, trying to smother them. They were terribly uncomfortable.

"Bella? What's wrong?" Edward, his voice rough with concern—or what sounded like it.

"N-nothing." I gasped, wincing.

"You're in pain," he accused, putting his arm around my shoulders.

Without warning, he swept me up into his arms. I was shocked and consoled by the gesture, not used to the closeness. Not even when Jacob and I embraced; it was close, but it was never intimate. This felt amazing; almost as if nothing had ever changed.

Sadly, it had.

"You need food," Edward groaned, shaking his head.

He breathed out, frustrated.

"I f you had never come here, I wouldn't have put your life in danger again." He whispered solemnly.

I opened my mouth to say something; but we had already started running.

Put my life in danger?

I thought he was angry because I was yet again, burdening him with a responsibility. I tried reigning in the irrational fear that I associated with Edward's running. He was silent with his footsteps, but not silent enough. The wind ceased suddenly and I opened my eyes, not realising they had closed.

"Going somewhere?" Gabriel appeared just inches away.

Edward moved backwards.

"She needs food." He explained flatly, emotionless.

I was beginning to notice a contrast between how he spoke with me, and how he spoke with the coven. Almost as if he was hiding something from them.

It was just nightfall; I was closer to the end.

"Nice try," Gabriel sneered.

"You've chosen to disobey..." he trailed off, his smile growing wider.

I had a feeling Edward didn't need to read his mind to know what was to come next.

He dropped me to my feet, so he could move me behind his body again.

"No," I murmured.

"Let them do it." I relented, taking a step forward.

"Are you insane?" he growled, tugging me effortlessly toward him.

"Let the girl speak for herself." Gabriel admonished.

I glanced back at Edward—his eyes blazing with fury and betrayal.

"Bella. No." He gulped, shaking his head.

"Don't," he whispered.

I shook my head. At this point I wished he could read my mind; it would make his escape easier if he knew what was happening. But if he did, would he try to stop me?

I guess he was going in blind, then.

I crouched down, confusing the both of them, before I revealed a sharp rock.

Gabriel chuckled condescendingly.

"Sweetheart, you'll need more than a rock to kill me."

I nodded in grim understanding.

"I know," I whispered.

He frowned. They were both still, unmoving.

"Not for me, though." I explained quickly, bringing the jagged edge down only for it to be knocked out of my hands.

"Bella!" Edward roared.

Gabriel grew excited, his eyes darkening in anticipation, fixed on where the rock had marked my skin, only slightly. A few beads of blood welled up, it was a mere scratch compared to what I wanted to do.

"Run," I choked out, turning my head to Edward.

"Run!" I cried, as Gabriel approached, licking his lips.

I fell to my knees, searching quickly for another rock, to distract Gabriel with more blood drawn, in case he recovered and went after Edward. I found one; smaller than the last, but it would do. I did the same action, blood spurted and I grew nauseated.

"Go!" I yelled.

Edward wasn't in my line of sight...until he flashed before my eyes, his body crashing into Gabriel's stalking form. It sounded like a thunder, without the rain. It was a dry sound, booming around me. The blood trickled down my arm and my eyes grew heavy. I hoped Edward had taken his advantage.

I fell onto my back, helpless and vulnerable. The dead leaves crackled under my weight, the just visible stars twinkled hypnotically through the shrouds of trees. I breathed in deeply, the smell of moss, of exotic plants and fruits, dirt and tree rot filled my nose.

The sounds of their fight continued and I began to feel anxious that Edward would lose; that Gabriel had overpowered him like he promised he could.

I turned my head in the direction they disappeared; swirls of white flesh and hair the only thing I could see.

My mind was not working properly. Everything slowed down around me, echoing in my ears.

I groaned at the dull pain in my arm.

I had originally thought that, in death; I would think of my family.

I did, but only briefly.

The rest of my mind was reserved for _him._

My eyes fell closed; relaxing.

~~~___~~~

A new smell, something woodsy, sickly sweet filled my senses. I cringed away from it, swallowing deeply.

I tried moving away from the smell, rolling over in the leaves...but I was no longer on the ground.

The wind picked up and I shivered, it was cold.

"Stay with me," he begged.

How sweet his voice sounded.

But...how could he still be with me? Unless I was dead? But I still felt pain.

I gasped, my eyes fluttering open.

"What are you doing?" I demanded, angry, but my words sounded slurred.

He looked just as angry, glancing down at me before staring straight ahead, concentrating. I didn't recognise the trees around us...the jungle was growing less dense.

Were we near town?

"You could have escaped!" I protested weakly.

"Now they'll be after us. You could have left me." I explained, letting my eyes close again.

Edward growled but didn't acknowledge me with words.

I stayed stubbornly quiet after that.

I was shaken awake what felt like seconds later. My surroundings had altered drastically.

I was comfortable, but I was no longer in Edward's arms. My heart tugged painfully. But a more stringent searing throb persisted in my arm; the one I had cut open.

I shifted a little, willing my eyes to open. I smelled something familiar...like leather.

I realised then that we were moving. In a car.

I let my head loll to the driver's side where Edward sat, tense and filled with rage.

He must have heard me, his eyes landing on mine and softening.

"I'm going to take care of you," he promised, grasping my good hand.

I frowned. What the hell was going on?

"W-what? Where am I?" I asked, rubbing my eyes.

I squinted out of the windshield. We were speeding recklessly down a highway. To where? I had no idea.

"We're...going home." He answered.

Wait, what?!

"Why did you bother?" I asked quietly.

This made him frown.

"Bother...?" he asked, narrowing his eyes.

"You didn't have to bother taking me with you." I said, gulping back the solid lump of hurt lodged in my throat.

He turned on me then.

"The only reason I am not stopping this car is because you need to see a doctor." He growled furiously. I shrank back in my seat, tears flowing.

"What is wrong with you, Bella?" he demanded, his voice rising incredulously.

"_Why did you do that?_" his voice was coarse with emotion.

My mouth was dry and it was hard to form words.

"Because..." should I tell him? Should I admit it, how I loved him too much to let him go again; instead give myself in turn for his freedom?

"I won't survive it again. I don't know...how to live without you anymore." I explained, letting the agony scrape fiery trails through my chest.

I looked down at my arm; the one that hurt, and noticed a torn piece of fabric tied tightly around it.

Edward was silent.

"I'm sorry." I whispered reverently.

This caused him to slam on the brakes. The car skidded haphazardly to the shoulder of the road. It was dark, the moon perched high in the clear sky. By the looks of it, we were close to the Mexican border. Edward must have run most of the way here until he could steal a car. He obviously didn't have any cash on him.

His grip on the steering wheel was tight; I thought he might tear it straight off the dash.

"What's wrong?" I asked in a small voice.

He turned his burning eyes on me.

"Bella." He began carefully.

Here it comes.

"I love you."

I was winded, delirious.

"But...you said,"

"That I didn't want you." He said it for me; hearing it in his voice made the pain spike.

He took my clammy face in his hands.

"And you believed me!" he hissed, his eyes in sheer agony.

I sniffled, tears, hot and unrelenting ran down my cheeks.

They showed no signs of stopping.

"I was ready to go to Italy. To end myself. I thought I made it clear, Bella. I thought you knew that without _you_, I have _nothing!_ I would give up myself, even my family...for you." He breathed.

I was shuddering and trembling with each sob.

This couldn't be real.

"When I heard..." he winced. "That you were gone, it was all over for me then."

I sucked in a slow breath.

"I thought leaving was good for you. I had no idea... But what I need to know now, is if you can still bear to look at me, to forgive me." He asked, no hope in his features.

"Bella, I'm irreversibly altered. Without you, there will always be half of me missing. And...I can't live like that. I can't _be_ anything, not when I don't have you." He pledged.

My eyes were blurred with disbelieving tears.

"All I'll ever have, all I ever want; is with you."

I brought my hand around the back of his neck.

I sobbed against him; my lips moving feverishly against his.

My heart stopped; everything toppled down on top of me.

Pain and it's accomplice. Misery. Hurt. Depression. Disbelief. Denial and grief.

It all...just...disappeared.


	5. Boundaries abandoned

_If you didn't want this fic turning into a smutty one, then bad luck, because I just took that giant leap._

_Sorry if it's not your style, but it's mine and I kind of knew this story would end up taking this path anyway. Personally, I loved writing it ;D as I hope you will enjoy reading it but be warned, this is rated MA now. _

_Welcome back to Ancient and Divine.  
_

* * *

The rumble of the car's engine beneath me slowed then idled for a moment before silencing completely. The sudden lack of lulling noise startled me from sleep; I gasped, my eyes flying open. My dreams were colourful and bright, almost like a hallucination.

I felt my hair matted to my forehead, sweaty, although I almost instantly felt the recognisable chill of the Fork's air once my door opened.

I wasn't quite sure where I was; where in particular. I didn't know where Edward was, or if I had simply dreamed about him. What I did know was that I was in pain and my stomach was rolling uncomfortably. The sound of gravel against shoes.

_Crunch._

_Crunch._

_Crunch._

Hard, stone arms lifted me from the hot car seat; my clothes were damp from sweat and the taste of vomit was present in my mouth, yet bone dry.

It must have been the sight of blood. I felt the roughness of clothes against my cheek, someone's jacket was rubbing softly against my skin.

It reminded me of the course fur of the monsters in my dream.

Giant felines; jungle cats.

Their slitted pupils and yellow irises haunted my dreams of my beloved. What if I never saw him again? Then what was happening to me now?

Had I succeeded in killing myself? And I just couldn't figure out how I'd done so? But the searing in my arm told me I was not dead yet—but somehow in the grips of such an outcome. If only I had seen him once more...

The dreams were so real!

I had found Edward in the forest...with more of his kind...

I remembered their words with perfect clarity, so clear, like looking through a clean pane of glass. So real.

The only sounds I heard now were my own moans of anguish and physical pain—the footfalls over gravel only slightly audible as if only touched by a feather weight and not an entire person. At least I could deduce that I was not, in fact, alone.

"H-help me," I gurgled, trying in vain to open my led-weighted eyes.

And I heard the distant sound of calls—someone saying my name over and over again, as if calling through depths of water. Slow, echoing and almost indecipherable.

How was it possible for me to reply? If I was under water?

The air was cold and biting, rushing faster past my face even though half was covered by someone. Then how could I be under water?

I must not be drowning if there was someone with me, their clothes somewhat dry apart from the icy droplets of water now falling upon us.

I was shivering now, hard convulsions, rattling my skeleton. My muscles were spasming, tightening and releasing to keep my body warm.

The sound of wood shattering, followed by gasps, filled the air.

More shouts and horrified gasping. All was not right; there was too much fear.

"She's delirious; hallucinating," someone's voice came into sharp focus.

I whimpered at the pain in my arm and the throbbing headache rebounding through my skull like something was piercing through it.

"J-just k-kill me-e-e!" I begged the strangers.

"I d-d-on't want to liv-v-ve without h-him!" I cried, sucking in deep lungfuls of air.

"You're not going to die. I won't let it happen."

Recognition: I knew that voice, but was afraid to acknowledge it, for the pain of disappointment would be worse than every physical injury I had.

"Why did you do this?" the voice demanded, a strained growl.

Something feral beneath it; coated in copious amounts of anxiety and misery.

"_CARLISLE!" _He screamed, his voice turned in another direction before I felt his lips at my ear.

Carlisle. Carlisle Cullen?

So familiar and yet I could not be sure of my own mind; not when it was playing horrendous tricks on me. I was still freezing cold, my teeth vibrating hard almost to the point of shattering. I felt the walls close in around me and a dull sense of neutrality filled my veins. The pained lessened substantially into a tiny, pin-point.

* * *

"She's still not responsive, Edward. As you can see. I'd very much like it if you would let me check her vitals. The infection could have leeched into her blood stream. She could have died from septicaemia if you had been any later in bringing her here."

The soft sentence was the first I heard through my clouded head.

"You can do that with me still in the room." Edward grumbled.

Euphoria could not describe how I felt when my would-be dreams were confirmed as fact, or at least something close to it. Whatever had happened, Edward was _here._

I let out a sigh, my head lolling around the soft surface of a feather-stuffed pillow.

"She's moving!" he said suddenly, in a sharp voice.

Excitement hummed in the atmosphere.

"She's waking up." _Alice._

I rejoiced at the voice of my best friend, my sister, and wondered where she had been and if we had actually driven to the airport that day, or it was part of the entire delusion.

It was difficult to piece together what was real and what was my imagination. I was worried that anything I dreamt or thought about was real at all. It was quiet disconcerting to not be sure of your own mind.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Edward growled, his voice harsh and unforgiving.

"Don't take that tone with her." Jasper rebuked, offended with Edward's attitude towards his wife.

"Ed-w-ard." I managed.

Silence. I could almost hear crickets outside as they all stopped breathing for fear that a sudden movement might result in my un-doing. That they might break me, as in comparison to their stone frames, I was so fragile.

My family.

Swallowing hard; I opened my eyes, bleary and tired.

Figures, dark and blurry appeared above my head. Pale white faces circled me, their features becoming clearer as I blinked my eyes furiously. All here, they were all here for me.

"Oh, Bella!" Alice cried, had she had the ability to, she would have wept.

Her shoulders shook with the tears she could no longer cry and her face showed a mixture of relief, sadness, scorn and guilt. She hugged her arms around me, gently lifting me from the bed—Edward's bed, it appeared to me now.

Jasper stood flanking her left side; his expression was a duller shade of Alice's in addition to the usual appearance of restraint and the obvious pain of up-holding that restraint.

They both looked radiant, their pale glowing complexion held the light, reflecting a dull sparkle. Beauty.

Turning my head slightly, even though it made me nauseous, my eyes happened upon the sight they had been craving for what felt like years or more.

"Bella," Edward whispered reverently, his hand moving to cup my cheek gently.

"Love." He breathed, a sad smile spreading over his mouth.

He looked regretful and conflicted. Whatever war he was having seemed to be going on behind closed doors—a war he didn't want me to know of or try to help him win, it seemed.

"I'm so glad you're okay." His voice, usually velvety splendour, shook a little as both his hands now caressed my face.

His face blurred as my eyes filled with tears.

"You weren't a dream," I sobbed.

His face fell and he dropped the bravado, the unsuccessful attempt to look fine. He looked ravaged, as if he'd seen a million deaths.

A cold, stony look settled upon his face, although his eyes were still wrought with raw emotion.

I found strength in my arms to lift myself up much to Edward's outward protests.

"Please, don't move. You're ill," he punctuated with slight nudges to my shoulder to get me to lie back again.

"Carlisle advises rest." He murmured.

I looked around me, only just realising the sudden privacy instilled around us.

"I've _been_ resting. I've been in bed for how long?" I demand.

"Only a few hours since we arrived here. It's late at night. Charlie has been calling the house non-stop by the way. Alice says he's almost to the point of deciding to come here himself. He read the note you left before you came to get me," his eyes darkened "And thought of no-one else to appeal to of your whereabouts. He knows I'm back and he's blaming me, whole-heartedly, of course. Not that I blame him."

I struggled a little, feeling rather weak from lying immobile for so long. I sat up in Edward's Queen size. He was sat at my side in a little wooden chair, probably stolen from the unused dining room.

I glanced around the room and was only half-surprised to find everything in the exact way I remembered it; his absence wasn't present at all. Like he never even left. If it hadn't been for the memory, I wouldn't have suspected that he did leave.

Edward's tense eyes rested on mine as I reached a tentative hand out towards his. He grasped it as tightly as he could without breaking my bones. His cold stone skin rubbed tenderly against my knuckles. I still felt the discomfort of travelling scum on my skin, added with my sweat and the dirt that was still bound to be smudged all over me—I desperately needed a shower.

But it would have to wait; Edward looked as though saving him did more harm than good.

"It's my fault," he says.

"What? What's your fault?" I ask, confused.

"You wouldn't have done this to yourself, if I hadn't been so selfish." His eyes dropped from mine in an ashamed manner, like it hurt him to look me in the eye anymore.

Hurt and on the verge of more tears, I tried to coax his face back up.

"How in the _hell_ did you come to that conclusion?" I demand, incredulous.

Always the one to blame himself.

"I initiated this. I courted you, went after you, stole my way into your life so that you could do _this_," he motions to my firmly bandaged forearm "all to save the life of a _monster._" He growled the last word, clawing at his own face like he'd gone insane.

I noticed, too, that he had not changed clothes—still torn remnants of the outfit I last saw him wearing in South America, and the day he left Forks for over a year. But now, although the year without him was a pain I could not ignore or deny ever happening, it felt like things were the way they used to be. It was probably naivety induced by the cocktail of painkillers and antibiotics Carlisle was probably pumping my system with.

"It's not as if you took my free will, Edward." I told him truthfully.

"I've made my own decisions and I faced what I faced because I wanted to do those things for you, whether you think you're worthy or not."

He let his head fall into his hands and groaned.

"And if we were back there and the only way to get you out was to sacrifice myself, I wouldn't think twice in doing it again." I said sternly, almost glaring at him as he dropped his hands from his face and glared back.

My face and tone softened.

"And I do those things—_I want_ to do those things because I love you. You didn't force me, nobody did." I let him know, my voice hoarse but audible.

Edward stood up abruptly, knocking his chair backwards. He paced at the foot of the bed, raking his hands over his face and through his hair repeatedly.

"I honestly don't know what you see in me," he muttered, turning on his heel and pacing in the other direction.

I wondered why he was doing it at human speed; surely he paced in vampire speed? Was it because he didn't want to disrupt my head or something, making me feel queasy again?

"I see a lot of things, and none of them involve you being a _monster_." The word was a bad taste in my mouth, such a terrible way to describe Edward Cullen.

It was an injustice at the highest level.

He stopped pacing and walked to the other side of the bed, sitting down on the edge before kneeling next to me.

"Something has changed inside me, Bella. Spending time with those savages, I mean." Edward's face looked fearful.

I touched my palm to his cheek in reassurance.

"I promise you, you could never be like them." I whispered, cautiously leaning my forehead to his and closing my eyes.

I felt his arms wrap solidly around my shoulders and his head rest on my shoulder. He was facing my neck, kissing it softly and murmuring against my throat, unperturbed by what would be the worst position to be in, considering how dark his eyes were and how hungry he must be at the moment.

But I doubted his pained expression had anything to do with his appetite.

"You don't know that. I feel it inside me—it's something feral...angry," By the tone of his voice, it was easy to tell how much he was hating himself at the moment.

I removed his head from my shoulder with a passive expression on my face, frowning.

"I don't believe that."

"You should. There's more than there was before, Bella. Something that's been awakened. Like something I buried deep inside, I don't know."

"Should I be worried about it?" I pressed, doubting it very much.

"Maybe you should—but this foul, malevolent side of me—it surfaced because I had lost all pretences to remain civilised. I didn't have a reason—not when I thought you were dead." He stated flatly, yet his eyes betrayed the spark—the spark that could possibly indicate the malicious, suppressed, side of his being that he was describing.

But I wasn't afraid. I doubted I ever will be.

"I brought you back—it shouldn't matter what happened in between." I breathed, resting my cheek against his and leaning forward to embrace the scent that was him.

He sighed into my hair, winding his arms back around me, tighter than before.

I linked my arms around his neck and brought my face close to his. Not the best candy in the world could compare to the sweet vapour that was his breath, brushing softly under my nose.

Stroking his unkempt tousles of hair, I murmured into his ear.

"Kiss me."

He acquiesced with a pleasant fervour, something he wouldn't usually permit. Something about the urgency of the past couple of days really toyed with one's emotions and I found myself unable to pull away, even for oxygen.

His icy lips pressed against mine, the taste and immense ecstasy after so long deprived of it. He kept his mouth closed for a moment before parting his lips against mine, earning a surprised gasp from me that was quickly muted by his mouth closing on mine, tugging my soft, warm lip between the two of his. His hands glided gently down my sides, bunching my shirt in his fists. My palms were flat against his hard chest but grew more insistent as I dragged my tongue quite carelessly over his bottom lip. He groaned but did not desist like I had expected him to. His right hand combed through my hair and settled at the nape of my neck, pulling my face impossibly closer and angling it so as to let his tongue gain access. My head spinning from this sudden onslaught of desire, a hot burning sensation began to tear it's way through my entire body. The past forgotten and boundaries abandoned, Edward plunged his tongue deeper inside my mouth, curling around mine and receiving a more than enthusiastic response.

I let an embarrassing moan resound from my throat, tilting my head. Breathing hard through my nose and getting small bouts of air through my mouth, I was getting lightheaded but felt no volition to stop what was happening and where this was going.

I fisted Edward's bronze locks in my hands, letting one hand slide mercilessly down his chest and abdomen. He tensed slightly but still didn't stop. My tongue invaded his mouth and I tasted all of him; delectable. Our tongues slid together rhythmically and desperately until the burning became too much. My face and neck were flushed and I had to stop the kiss before I burst into flames.

"Edward," I moaned against his lips, kissing them again, once, twice, a few more times.

Faster than human speed, I was pinned on my back and the fiery, tormented, horrid spark came to life behind Edward's eyes.

Yet again, instead of terror, I felt excitement.

I may have been a bit groggy, but I was always in the mood for Edward and this felt like something more than just kissing. I was ready for more, much more—and shockingly, Edward hadn't let me think otherwise.

He placed open mouthed kisses down my neck until he reached my collar bone.

"I want to take you, right here," he growled menacingly.

Edward hardly spoke like that; but as he said it now, it riled me up and I felt the familiar throbbing between my thighs as he talked and let his mouth travel farther down than it's ever been before.

"Please," I gasped.

"Please. I want you to!" I cried, oblivious to the house full of vampires who were probably all listening.

"But, what about your family?" I murmured in spite of myself as he began to pop open the buttons on my blouse.

I wasn't as unclean as I had previously thought. Alice must have bathed me; the idea made me blush furiously.

"They've left us in privacy—to hunt." He answered.

Edward's tongue flicked out towards my cheeks.

"Exquisite," he whispered, ripping the rest of my buttons off so my shirt fell apart before him.

I felt exposed but I'd be damned if I didn't admit it turned me on even more.

I was getting what I had wanted for months, what I had dreamed and fantasised about. Edward was taking charge, like he knew exactly what to do as I lay there, nervous but flustered and impatient.

He looked otherworldly and sinister as he opened my jeans and swiftly pulled the fabric off my legs and onto the floor.

"Tell me I'm not a monster now," he growled, leaning his weight on top of me.

I felt the bulge protruding from his pants; I groaned instead of answering and bit my lip in anticipation.

"Are you ready for me, Bella?" he asked, removing my bra, which I was sure he had broken, too.

He took one taught nipple in his mouth and I could have screamed. The abruptness, the impulsiveness. He was edgy and out of his mind, and yet I couldn't find it in me to tell him to stop.

He wasn't acting as careful as he usually was; the recklessness was completely different and new to me, coming from Edward.

"I need to claim you. Right here. Right now. You're _my_ human." His voice held a sharp edge, something dark lurking inside him, ready for the feast.

"Then dot it," I urged him, knowing that if I didn't, he would snap out of it too soon.

"Claim me."

His hands cupped my breasts and his thumbs circled achingly over my hard nipples. I brought shaky hands to his pants as his shirt was already gone. I had to remain focussed on my objective. He was all beautiful, no blemishes or faults, anywhere.

I hadn't even had time to feel insecure now that he was kissing and licking every inch of skin that was bare apart from my crotch, still sheathed in cotton panties.

I tried to press my thighs together, to get the friction I didn't know I craved.

I fumbled with his belt buckle, pulling it out of the loops of his jeans and anxiously getting back to the button and zipper, eager for what I longed for underneath.

I pulled his pants down and within seconds he had shed the rest off himself, leaving him bare and aroused, pressing against the inside of my thigh.

I was panting and groaning uncontrollably.

"Please Edward. Now," I was gasping, my hands sought out his hips to guide him there but his own hands stopped me and for a second I was afraid he had changed his mind.

He hooked his fingers into my panties, his eyes boring into mine the whole time.

"I asked you, are you ready for me, Bella?" he repeated, pushing the damp crotch of my panties to the side, his fingers grazing the lips of my vagina.

I bucked my hips off of the bed, pleased that he was getting closer.

"Yes," I answered.

"Please!"

I felt his index finger run up my slit, gathering a slick moisture that had accumulated from my intense arousal. I glanced at his erection, licking my lips. He smirked at me devilishly before he growled again, incomprehensibly. He brought his fingers to his lips, licking it and closing his eyes, humming.

"Delicious."

My skin flamed everywhere and my body shook. His face was suddenly right above mine and I felt his hardness pressing against my opening. I whimpered loudly, almost to the point of tears that I couldn't wait any longer for him.

"You will be magnificent," he whispered and he sounded closer to sanity now.

His hand reached between us again and he began stroking my soft little bud, exactly where I needed it most.

I cried out, my hands flying out to his shoulders and gripping as tightly as possible.

This was _impossible_, though. Not only was Edward breaking all of his rules, but he was breaking them with me.

I was wondering if it would work, hoping it would and thinking of how devastated I would be if it didn't work between us. That I would have to wait longer or he would lose interest.

"Yes, _yes! Edward!"_ My head thrashed around on the pillow as he slid his fingers inside of me.

"I want _you,_ all of you inside me." I said, cursing and gasping at the sensation he created with his skilled fingers.

The growling that rumbled in his chest grew more pronounced, I felt his tip grazing my entrance and knew that it would probably hurt, but needing it more than anything.

And so he pushed, gentler than I thought he could, until he was all the way in and I felt tears spring to my eyes.

It stung, I couldn't deny that, but the ongoing pleasure was overriding any pain.

The growling didn't stop; he moved gradually faster with each thrust of his length inside me. Although he managed never to go too fast and hurt me more than was necessary for a virgin.

His hands gripped my waist and hips, he occasionally leant back down, touching my lips with his, kissing me deeply. I let my hands wander down to his hips where I guided him as he guided me, his face tense and concentrated but releasing more of his wildness with every passing moment. It was terrifying beauty—his brow furrowed and the tendons in his arms and neck stood out.

"So warm, tight..." He growled again and as he rocked his hips into mine, the friction rubbed against my clit—rising the tension, the pleasure, the burn. It all surmounted at some point, and I was so incredibly close to reaching it that I was screaming.

"Edward! Edward! _Edward!"_ I fell from the height he had placed me, losing myself in shudders and whimpering. I felt him release, I felt him fall from his climax—his face tight and his body tensed as he made the final thrust. He filled me, cold and icy, but oddly pleasurable.

My chest was heaving and the air filled with silence; words unspoken but that we both knew already.

I placed my palms flat on either side of his fiery face as he hadn't moved from inside me.

"I'm yours. That's the way it's always been and that's how it will always be."

"I love you." He whispered hauntingly as I trembled with aftershocks.


	6. Determination

_I'm a little tired at the moment. *Yawns* Anyway, heres the new update for A&D, I hope you like it. It takes a turn on the smut-mobile._

_For anyone who's curious, yes, the thing about Edward becoming more wild and ferocious is a serious thing. Not that he's going to turn BAD, per se. But it is apart of the plot I'm working on. And as for Bella becoming a Vampire, well I won't tell you if it's going to happen, but I will tell you that Edward isn't going to fight it anymore. His new personality kind of makes him excited for it._

_;D_

_OH, and I am so excited about Blood Moon at the moment because it's getting close to finishing! And I know exactly what I'm going to do with it :)_

_*prepares tissues* Love you guys!_

_Fic Rec: Edward Wallbanger (I've finally read it and shit is that funny)  
_

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I was lying on my side, exhausted and starving for some sustenance, yet I couldn't find any palpable motivation to move from my position. Edward was poised beside me in bed, tangled in a mess of Egyptian cotton, tan sheets. He had his eyes closed in what resembled relaxation.

I had my arm curled around his torso, stroking my fingertips up and down his side.

I was smiling and warm, even though Edward's body leeched all the warmth from the sheets. It was a feeling inside of me, within me—the same place Edward had been, where he had finally allowed himself.

His loss of control proved to be one of the greatest moments in my life compared to the catastrophe Edward had assumed it would be.

It was anything but the awful experience he'd envisioned. He hadn't managed to hurt me at all, spare for some tender muscles. But I was unscathed. My theory that Edward shied away from ever hurting me stopped him from being able to.

He had lost his composure, yet I was intact afterward.

Deliriously happy, I had my head propped up on my head, my elbow resting just shy of Edward's shoulder. He was making an unmistakable sound of content, soft moans and hums as I continued to trail feathery touches against his marble skin.

I was distantly concerned with the fact that Charlie still didn't know where I was, after I had promised to stay in contact with him throughout my trip in the note I left. I hadn't communicated where on Earth I was going, when I would be back and why the hell I was leaving in the first place.

I had been in a hurry when I left and I obviously didn't think about my alibi too thoroughly. I hadn't realised how hurt Charlie would be once he found the house empty. It pained me to think he was mourning his friend Harry Clearwater, on his own.

I may have been acting selfishly with Charlie, but I had my own dues to pay. I couldn't just _not_ go to Edward.

As if that was even possible.

I didn't have a choice—Edward needed me and I left home to do just that. People like Jacob and Charlie would dispute my decision, but that was only because they didn't understand the magnitude with which I was bonded with Edward, my Vampire.

It was possible that Charlie had felt like I did once—while he was still married to Renee, but not now. He couldn't know how I feel, not after he has been so long without my Mother. But I could, reluctantly, see the similarities between our relationships. One of us had left the other. Edward had left me and Renee had left Charlie. But in our case, he had done it to save my soul. I'm quite sure Renee hadn't had that intention. But like me, Charlie was deeply in love at that point and it broke him beyond recognition after she fled from Forks. The difference remained the same: they had left for entirely different reasons. Edward was acting selflessly. Renee bid goodbye to her old life because she couldn't stand the monotony of a life with a man she barely knew.

I wondered if she knew the damage she was doing when she made her decision; wondered if she ever thought about him the way Charlie thought about her. Even if it was just reminiscing.

I felt slightly resentful towards Renee—although I loved her—for her abrupt departure seventeen years ago and if Charlie suffered in the way I did. For I knew what the consequences were and the ramifications of such an act she performed while I was still a baby.

But ultimately, when Renee left, she was doing it for herself.

Selflessness against selfishness.

Edward noticed how my fingers had slowed and stopped as I was off on a tangent; his hand now resting on my naked waist.

"What is it?" he whispered, kissing the tip of my nose.

I blinked, brought back to the moment by the touch of his lips.

"Nothing," I sighed, smiling happily at his careless stupor.

His eyes were still a daunting shade of coal black. The onyx orbs indicated he hadn't eaten in a while—he was hungry just like I was, but it was only one of us that hunger constituted a risk for.

I pulled the sheet up around my chest, still aware of how vulnerable I was—of where Edward's eyes were wandering now.

I could feel the familiar heat creep over my chilled skin, chasing away the clamminess but leaving self-consciousness in it's wake.

His eyes flickered back up to my own, narrowed and accusing.

"Why do you cover yourself?" he asked softly; languid like honey.

I coiled the sheet around my finger, fidgeting.

"I-uh...?" I shrugged, noting now that it seemed a stupid thing to do as he had already seen all of me, spread out before him.

"Are you cold?" he murmured, his mouth getting closer as he spoke, staring darkly at my lips.

I shook my head and shivered in spite of myself. He paused, less than an inch from pressing himself flush against my body.

"Shall we take a shower?" he offered me his hand.

I took it, shaking slightly at the prospect of sharing a shower with Edward.

"I have no idea why you still feel so reserved..."he whispered into my ear, steadying me on my very unsteady legs.

He placed two hands on my hips and gently guided me to his bathroom; my nipples hardened and my blood seared in my veins as he licked the skin beneath my ear.

"See?" he continued to breathe huskily. "You're reacting to me now."

I merely blushed harder instead of answering.

I padded on the stone tiles and stopped before stepping over a ledge—a large rectangle composed of darker tiles than the bathroom floor was set in the corner of the bigger-than-my-bedroom area. There was no glass and no curtain, just a dip in the floor, a drain in the centre and an extendable, stainless steel shower head.

I gulped and my stomach tingled as he swept my hair from covering my neck and chest. It swung delicately from my back, brushing my shoulder blades and raising gooseflesh all over my body.

"You felt no need to hold back when I was taking your innocence." He mumbled, a tinge of reprimand in his otherwise sultry tone.

"I couldn't hold back—I wanted it more than anything. I also didn't want you backing out," I answered as he leaned forward, pressing his chest against my back to reach the faucets.

He turned them on, waiting for the spray to heat up considerably.

"There was no turning back from when we kissed. I knew I wasn't going to stop at that point."

I turned my face to his, resting against his shoulder. I nuzzled my nose into the crook of his neck. I breathed out, then in, then out again.

"I'm glad," I grinned.

"I could say the same thing." He smiled, too. "You have no idea what that felt like for me, Bella. Nothing compared, or ever will—to the feel of _you_. So exquisite and loving. I almost feel sad that you wasted your beauty and kindness on a damned, blood-sucking creature."

I rolled my eyes and tested the water temperature then stepped under it.

"What you just said only further proves that I _did not_ waste anything on you."

Edward followed me, stepping closer to me as the water soaked into my skin and ran in rivulets through my hair. It ran in shiny cascades over my shoulders and back.

His hands rested on my shoulders, stroking softly, languorously. Without either of us having experience, the process felt entirely natural and instinctual like we knew each other's bodies like practised lovers do.

He touched the curves and contours of my body, eliciting such strong responses of pleasure, places I had yet to familiarise with.

"Does it hurt much?" he asked suddenly, his face wet with water dripping from his chin.

His expression turned concerned and I could almost see the swirl of black hatred in the back of his eyes.

"I should have been more gentle with something so fragile..."

"I'm not in any pain," I lied.

"Don't lie." He countered, raising a dark brow.

His hair was flattened by the steaming shower, hanging in his eyes like strands of fire-blackened copper.

I watched him as he pressed against me once more. His erection didn't go unnoticed by me, either. Biting my lip and glancing down between us as his shaft rested long and awaiting against my lower stomach.

"Yes," he said, his voice hard and unmistakably aroused.

"I can't stand being this close to your naked perfection without losing myself."

I smirked and timidly grasped him in my hand.

He shook his head.

"I can't. Not so soon...It will hurt you too much," he breathed, leaning his lips to my ear.

I moved my other hand to the nape of his neck before whispering back into his ear.

"It doesn't mean I can't please you."

He looked at me incredulously before I pulled him into a passionate kiss, unloading my full force upon his sweet tasting lips.

I stroked him slowly and hesitantly until he growled, showing me his desire, his satisfaction and his need for more.

I gripped tighter, my crotch warming as I felt the size of him in my hand.

Biting my lip at the intensity of our situation, I pumped my fist at a faster pace, glancing up at his face, worried about doing it wrong. I had wanted to touch Edward this way for too long, it felt almost painful, unbearable even, to be given so much so fast after it was so abruptly taken away.

"Bella...Bella..._Bella!"_ he groaned, loud and guttural.

Like a snarl; Edward's abdomen was taught, his jaw tense and his eyes wide and unswervingly focussed on my own.

Our bodies were slippery and shimmering under the artificial light of the bathroom; yet Edward's was far more luminous, a subtle shine reflecting onto my own skin.

I gasped softly, staring at my complexion, a small vision of the future...sparkling skin.

Edward placed his hands, palms flat on either side of my head against the wall I was backed up against. He stopped my bottom lip from trembling by taking it in his mouth. His tongue licked back and forth across it; more moaning erupted from my throat and I felt Edward grow harder, his muscles tightening even more. He was breathing hard, an unnecessary reaction to pleasure.

His teeth were gritted as he pulled his face back from mine, his restraint stretched as taught as piano wires.

The tendons in his neck were standing out, as well as in his forearms.

My body was heated and wet, scorching skin against his pale, icy form. There was a thud against the wall, just beside my head and I heard the tiles crack, forming the shape of Edward's fist as he came..._hard._

"Argh!" he snarled, his teeth bared and eyes wild again, the furthest thing from sane-looking.

My nipples were stiff as my breasts pressed against Edward's rapidly rising chest.

His hands slid from the wall and back to my shoulders, rubbing small, gentles circles before making a long circuit towards my hips.

Edward leaned his head against my shoulder, kissing my neck with an open mouth. He had to hold me up as my knees gave way.

Quivering as if my bones had disintegrated into a liquid consistency, I sagged against Edward in submission as he licked his way down my chest, one of my nipples just aching to be in his mouth.

He did as I desired, without needing a request from me—I gasped, mouth wide open and eyes blinking hard into the still-hot stream of water.

"Let me wash you," Edward whispered roughly, leaning back slightly to reach the soap.

"Why do you even have soap? You don't take showers, you don't need to." I mumbled absently, taken away on a slide of ecstasy as his hands lathered scented suds over my abdomen.

I gripped his shoulders as he leaned down, running expert hands down my thighs, round my calves and the backs of my knees.

"I like to take showers sometimes—the sensation is the closest thing to the warmth of a human body—you." He explained; his eyes closer to normal.

"Occasionally, I come back from hunting and I've managed to make a mess of myself—the blood sticks to my skin, I need a means of removing it."

"Have you missed it—while-while you were gone?" I hesitated, not sure if this was an acceptable topic.

His hand paused against my ribs, his other on the small of my back. I looked, sheepishly, into his stone black eyes.

What I saw there, in those inhuman orbs, diminished the sense of well-being I had accumulated.

He looked like a symbol of perfection with the one flaw of extreme, deep-rooted torment.

"I left you." He stated numbly, flatly, without emotion.

"I don't understand how you could forgive me. And after almost letting you die..." he trailed off and his eyes wandered back to mine.

"I missed many things while I was alone in the wilderness with nothing but thoughts of misery. None of them, however, where about anything but you." His voice held a strong edge—suffering.

It tore away at my heart, shredding it like a wild animals claws shreds it's prey.

His kisses had turned soft, sweet and adoring. The passionate desperation had dissolved slightly leaving room for worshipping caresses.

The hot water was gradually running out and I began to shiver. Edward turned the taps off and disappeared for a second before materialising beside me with a towel around his waist. He held one out to me, wrapping it around my shoulders and brushing wet strands of hair from my damp cheeks.

I couldn't help but smile again.

"Someday—maybe not today, obviously. But in our future, the one I've been denying you—maybe a day then will you be able to forgive me for doing what I only thought was best for you—"

"But I do—" I tried to object.

"You say that. I believe you, but surely there are some parts of you that hold a resentment, a subtle hatred for the choices I've made." He muttered, his tone conveying the deep regret he held in his heart.

I hugged the towel closely to myself, hugging it under my arms before placing a palm straight over his heart; however still it may be, it was still capable of deeper agony than any human.

His heart was real and alive in my mind.

"I'm angry," I said softly.

"About the fact that you made my decisions for me, seeing the best way to protect me was to leave me..." I shook my head.

"The only people I hate are those savages who tried to kill you..." I paused at the fiery loathe flashing over his irises.

"And myself: for making you feel such pain. For making you leave your family."

Edward reacted angrily.

"I would never regret meeting you, Bella. Never." He stated sternly, his voice loud and threatening.

"I love my family, I truly do. But if one of their respective mates was gone, if they, for some unthinkable reason, had to leave their better half—they would also make the decision I did. And despite the fact that I've acted so selfishly and cruelly in the past, I am also aware that miraculously, I have found a mate, too. You—"

He placed his hand over mine that was laid against his chest.

"You did that—and it is the furthest thing from a crime, I assure you. I would go through that pain over and over again for you, Isabella. The agony of transformation pales in comparison—and yet I would do it, repeatedly."

I watched him and his fierce expression for a moment before I smiled, closing my eyes.

"Now who's the martyr?"

Edward sighed, pulled me closer and chuckled breathily into my hair.

Edward and I were curled up on the white leather sofa in the living room, waiting for the rest of the Cullens to make their return.

"Can you hear them? They're coming back, right?" I asked nervously, noting how Alice probably saw what happened between Edward and I.

I gnawed at my thumb nail while Edward squinted, concentrating; he removed my hand from my mouth absently and started brushing the pad of his thumb over my knuckles.

He stiffened.

"They've caught a scent." His voice was stony.

I froze, a natural reaction to danger; when affiliated with Vampires, there was no point in running. I was no match for their speed.

His brow furrowed, he closed his mouth, his lips becoming a tight line.

"Who?" I whispered.

The wolves wouldn't dare come into the Cullen's territory would they? The treaty would be shattered between them and war would ensue; if it came down to that, would my life matter to Jacob? After I had ruined his?

"_Victoria._" Edward spat.

He stood up, leaving me lost and afraid, staring helplessly up at his harsh, furious, pacing form.

"They've intercepted her course," he said suddenly, stopping in his spot.

I stood up too, but I was sure not to touch him; that might make it worse.

He flinched then.

If I had been reaching for his hand, he might have accidentally broke my fingers—it was lucky I had them clasped together in front of me.

"No." He said softly, not talking to me, but sending a pointless message to his family—one they would be unlikely to hear.

He flinched again, motioning his body to the right, as if watching a fight. I felt the blood drain from my face and the chills resettle into my bones.

What if she got to one of the Cullens? They would never forgive me; especially if someone's mate died. I choked back a sob—I couldn't bear to think about them giving their lives to protect me from my vicious enemy.

He tensed again, preparing for a move he would have made had he been there.

"She's feinting...arcing around them—there are too many, she's outnumbered and angry." He spoke firmly and without empathy, just handing me information.

"She's turned back in the direction she came, dodging the wolves..."

His eyes refocussed on the room he was in, as if waking up from a dream.

"She'll come back for you."

I started, my knees buckling under me—I couldn't take any more surprises today. I was still weak as it was. Edward grasped my re-dressed bandaged arm, as I had gotten it wet in the shower earlier. He put an arm around my waist and turned us around to face Alice who had appeared in the room within a split second.

She was speaking to me in particular.

"She's made up her mind—and Edward obviously knows her mind better than any of us. He knows this, too. She will not give up." She looked at me with an intense concern colouring her honey eyes.

"We need to do something." She looked at Edward now.

He nodded and his face construed his eagerness to do so—my stomach gave a jolt and then another as Carlisle and Esme arrived behind Alice.

"We need to take some preventative measures. Start patrolling the forest around our area and Bella's house—we can't leave Charlie unprotected. We have been checking on him occasionally, but we'll need to be there around the clock." Carlisle informed us all.

Emmett, Jasper and Rosalie made a less subtle appearance, strolling through the back door, all three with serious faces which wasn't odd for Rosalie and Jasper, but more than unusual for the normally exuberant, cheerful Emmett.

Edward's arm tightened around me and I could almost feel the reluctance radiating off of him, the protectiveness. Almost like he was keeping me safe from his family. I noticed that he kept his eyes on Jasper.

He stared back at Edward, most likely sharing a silent conversation.

Then Jasper walked away into the other room, Alice following him with a frustrated expression on her face, most likely because she didn't know what they were leaving her out of.

"What was that about?" I murmured but Edward shook his head.

"Preventative measures," he muttered cryptically, sighing again before addressing Carlisle.

"I'll take her home and stay with her. She can't be alone."

"But sweetheart, you need to feed—look, you're starving." Esme tried to tell her son but he wouldn't have a bar of it.

"I'm fine, Esme." He said, somewhat sharply.

I looked at him disapprovingly before he took another deep breath.

"I'm sorry—maybe you're right. I have to scout the area anyway, I'll hunt close to home. I'll ask Alice to stay with Bella until I come back. Is that alright?" he asked, turning his face to mine.

I nodded, not objecting because I literally had no choice.

Emmett smiled apologetically at me and Edward before running off again, into the night.

"What am I going to tell Charlie when we get home?" I appealed to Edward , growing anxious all over again, almost to the point of tears.

"He's going to be so angry, Edward." I stressed, clenching and unclenching my fists.

"He'll forgive you—maybe not me, but that doesn't matter. We need to keep you safe and right now, I doubt Charlie is angrier than I am."

As I stared him fully in the eyes, I could see he wasn't bluffing.

A fierce, wild light glinted in those eyes. Something feral clawing it's way to the surface.


	7. Incensed

_Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. Stephenie Meyer did and she ruined my life because of it, so Kudos._

_Lemons alert! Don't read if you are a little child or can't handle SparklePeen._

_Good day to my readers! Leave a review at the bottom for the lonely green box :)_

_-birobird xoxo  
_

* * *

"How can you be so calm at the moment, Alice?" I stared at her incredulously in the mirror as she tied my hair up in a pony tail.

She rapped her fingers lightly over my forehead.

"You need to use this less," she winked.

"Alice--have you been living underneath a rock?!" I demanded, aghast at her blase attitude.

She rolled her eyes, halting her movements and dropping her arms.

"I need to get home, Alice. We need to do things, to prepare...Why am I in here? Aren't you worried at all?" I felt like I was the only one who was fretting about Victoria's return, in addition to my father who was more than likely suspecting the Cullens--or Edward, rather--of my kidnapping or possible homicide.

I was suffocating in unease whilst Alice remained collected as if the whole world wasn't resting on her shoulders.

"Bella. For the last time, everything is being taken care of for you, can you _stop_ undermining our abilities, please?" she pointed to her own forehead this time and smiled reassuringly.

I stared back into my own eyes through the reflection. Alice and I were holed up inside her wide expanse of a bathroom that went relatively unused apart from the short visits I made prior to Edward's absence.

"Edward will be back from hunting soon--he can't keep his mind set on a strategy, that one. He was going to let _me_ look after you at your house but he's obviously gone insane," she shook her head and looked beseechingly up at the ceiling, "And decided I can't handle you for little over an hour. I mean, you're not that high maintainence, although the danger-magnet thing can get quite obtrusive on safety plans..." she cocked her head to the side as she continued to ramble.

I missed Edward.

"So, if you want to take out your impatience on someone, take it out on him. He's obviously calling the shots around here now." she sighed and immedeately perked up.

I frowned in confusion.

"Carlisle usually calls the shots, though, doesn't he? Why would Edward try to overrule that?" I asked, forgetting my previous annoyances.

In a gracefully feather-like touch, Alice's nimble fingers travelled back to my hair as I sat before her vanity.

"Bella." she glanced at me skeptically.

"If you don't already know by now, Edward always got extremely overbearing about anything that involved you. Not that we don't worry about you, too--we do, dearly," she hastily added.

"It's just..." she ran her fingers lightly through my hair, pulling the hair-tie out and starting again.

We met eyes; honey gold to chocolate brown.

"Have you noticed?" she implored softly, sadly.

I knew what she was referring to, but decided to feign dumb. Besides, if I acted as though it weren't a problem, Alice wouldn't worry about it actually becoming one. I didn't believe it was.

"What do you mean, Alice?"

"He's changed." she shrugged, averting her gaze back to my head.

I let my eyes fall to my pale, scratched up hands.

"I know," I whispered, knowing that at whatever volume I spoke it, it was still audible to Alice's ears.

"You do?"

"He told me so himself; he knows something's off, a trait has shifted into the extreme..." I trailed off, staring at a particularly exuberant bottle of hot pink nail polish.

"Edward's different." Alice finished my sentence.

"And," her face turned sour--the harshest expression Alice had ever beared in front of me.

"He is _way_ out of hand--sending Jasper away while you were in the same room? Ridiculous!" she vented, huffing like a peeved boar.

My mouth twitched but I felt a swell of guilt. I didn't want my presence to cause a divide between the Cullens.

"I noticed that."

"I know you're all messed up now, but your birthday was different," Alice didn't notice my face suddenly pale at the mention of that detestable day.

"Jasper wasn't feeding all the time; he was hungry that day and paired with the sight of actually _drawing_ blood caused him to react the way he did. Of course," she stared back into my eyes again.

"You're patched up now, despite the fact that we can still smell you bleeding," her nose screwed up.

"But it's diluted with the antiseptic and it's already clotted and healing. Besides, we had almost a year to perfect Jasper's restraint; he's got a long way to go, still but he'd never take the risk of going so long without a feed. He couldn't stand to be the cause of a rift between us once again." her tone held such a sadness that I felt revolted with myself.

"It wasn't Jasper's fault," I objected quietly, sharing a look of forgiveness with my may-as-well-be-classified-as sister.

Alice smiled.

"You're kind, Bella. And maybe you're right; I can't decide. But what happened happened and there is no use dwelling on it, not now that we have everyone back together." her smile glowed with triumph and I couldn't help but let it effect my mood, too.

Alice's eyes became unfocussed then and I stiffened again, a feeling of forboding leeching from my bones.

Eyelids blinking rapdly, she shook her head and held a dainty hand towards me, a silent gesture, asking me to take it.

"Edward's home." she declared with a grin.

I aquiesced, letting her stone cold fingers circle around my comparitively soft, warm flesh.

"And the others made me promise not to mention this to you but..." she began in a tinkling whisper, eyes full of the very Alice-esque mishief.

I perked an eyebrow.

"What? I questioned curiously.

"I don't want to embarrass you," she assured me with serious eyes and I gulped, my cheeks warming as she guided me down the stairs.

"But," she pressed her lips together, her cheeks puffed with air like a blow fish.

"You lost your virginity!" she squeaked in a rush before a bellowing snarl erupted from the first floor.

"Now you've done it," I chastised weakly as Alice scoffed but nudged me forward anyway.

"Alice!" Edward growled.

His form came into view once I had descended the gigantic staircase.

"Edward, relax," I urged.

Jasper appeared silently at my side, his intention was to go to Alice, defend his mate from Edward's unsavoury wrath. Edward should have realised, too, given his extra abilities.

But again, he overreacted, gripping me in an iron embrace and swiftly removing me from Jasper's berth. Jasper glared, hurt, at his brother's asinine behaviour. Edward held me at his side while Jasper made his way, sullenly, to an incensed Alice.

"I've just about had enough of this!" Alice argued, infuriated.

"This-this cretinous attitude of yours Edward, has to damn well stop before any further damage is done."

I opened my mouth to try and diffuse the situation but Jasper, persuasive as he was with his mood techniques, instilled a wave of calm over the room and I felt my muscles slackening.

Edward held me on my feet with his stone embrace but the anger and dubiosity had evaporated from his posture and his gaze.

I gave a thankful smile to Jasper who returned a tight one.

We were silent, bathing in relaxation until Edward opened his mouth.

"I apologise, Jasper." he said sincerely. "I've been acting a fool, but I'm under a lot of stress at the moment, as you can probably tell." he explained more dutifully.

"I imagine you wouldn't be entirely in control of your actions, either if you'd been put in my situation."

Did either of them sense the dark edge to his words? His eyes were blazing heartily, like a pyre burned within them; his eyes shifted to me then back to his siblings.

Alice sighed, lamenting, and took Jasper by the elbow.

"We'll be taking over Rose and Em's shift after a couple more hours." she said curtly before disappearing back upstairs.

"Edward," I started with a sorrowful expression.

"You shouldn't be fighting with your family because of me-- I can't let that happen again."

He ignored my statement.

"Are you ready to go home?" he asked instead.

I looked down at myself.

"Charlie is going to _freak_!" I hissed. "And what about the fact that I have no luggage? I'm also pretty sure he's going to try and shoot you if you waltz up to the porch with his daughter by your side."

Edward's eyes tightened and he looked ashamed.

"I know--it doesn't matter, I'll earn his trust back...someday, and as for your luggage, I already had Alice pack something into the trunk of my car. It's a few of her old "out of style"," he used air quotations, "suitcases. Like I told you before, it's all sorted."

With a soft stroke to my cheek with his fingertips, he bent slightly to press his lips to my forehead, then my temple.

Heaving a sigh of reluctance, he took me by the hand and towed me towards the car. I started slightly when I saw Carlisle pacing the line of trees ebbing on the driveway.

"Preventative measures," Edward muttered, repeating it for the third time.

We sped down the gravel road, the course ground evening out as the tires met smooth highway.

"You didn't have to go off at Alice like that--I want you to say sorry to her, like you did with Jasper." I stated finally as we reached the limits of Forks.

"She was pressuring you into talking to her about something you were obviously uncomfortable about." he said in a hard voice.

I looked over at him, his voice even more shadowed and sinister in the dark. The only light came from the dash, but the fluorescent mirage of colours gave him an enhanced alien quality that sent both shivers of unease and desire through my body.

Like an alarm had gone of inside his head, Edward turned his head expectantly in my direction, a smirk adorning his cold face.

I swallowed hard.

"Now's not the time for that," I whispered croakily, even though I wanted him again, more so than the first time.

Edward shook his head, snapping out of it like he had been subdued in a drug haze.

"You're right." he said stiffly, training his eyes back to the road.

"And it doesn't matter that I was uncomfortable, she already knew and it's not like she was scolding me for doing what we did," I smiled, ducking my head.

Edward sighed.

"I can...smell you..." he said gruffly, his voice low and hoarse.

My heart fluttered inside my chest.

"W-what do you mean? Of course you c-can." I stammered, attempting to change my line of thought onto something less explicit.

"I wasn't talking about your blood," he whispered, voice rough with want.

I let out a shaky breath and stared out of the now foggy window, squeezing my thighs together ineffectually. If I was alive after tonight, I considered staying up late...with my window _wide_ open.

* * *

"Now, I'm going to walk you to the door..." Edward began seriously, his eyes shifting to the windows.

He spoke as if we were in the middle of a battleground. The words he spoke to me sounded achingly familiar. Deja Vu, as it were, from the very same place we sat; after the baseball game with the Cullens over a year pervious, we had driven to my house, Edward spouting orders to everyone incase James was lying in wait, lurking in the shadows around the forest that encroached on our property.

I shook my head and turned to stare at the white weatherboard house.

I smiled nostalgically. Leaving home made me realise how much I would miss it if the absence was more permanent. I wondered idly whether Edward had missed Forks, and not just because I was still here.

I wondered if he'd missed it for the green-ness, the isolation, the cool air and the smell of nature...

I bit my lip anxiously when I saw the light in the kitchen turn on, bathing the front lawn in a yellow glow. Charlie must be getting something to eat.

"I guess that's a positive; I won't have to wake Charlie up when I get inside. I don't know if maybe it's better that he's unconscious..."

Sighing, I unbuckled my seat belt but Edward's hand closed over mine. I turned to ask him if we were being watched but his eyes held a very different quality.

His hand slid up my arm, effectively pulling my seatbelt away. His fingers lingered around my neck before dipping under the neck of my borrowed sweater and blouse.

He stared at his own hands, surprised at what he was doing so boldly.

I couldn't help but respond to his touch.

He groaned as if on cue to the moisture building in my panties. I brazenly guided his other hand to my thigh while his eyes regained that wild tint. Breathing harder, I leaned over the centre console, but Edward was way ahead of me; grasping me around the waist and hoisting me onto his lap, a seemingly effortless feat.

His strength stirred my desires and I found myself unabashedly moaning as he palmed my breasts. Unaware of what I was actually doing, my hips began to rock against him. I needed the friction but there was too much heat; I couldn't stand the barriers of fabric between us.

The warmth increased with rapid fervour, all I could do was stare into his golden irises as he felt his way around my torso, lifting my sweater and shirt to reveal my bra.

"I shouldn't be doing this to you in my car," he groaned, squeezing his eyes shut as I rubbed my heat over his lap.

He was hard underneath me, strained.

"God, Edward," I whispered, my skin flushing and beading with sweat.

Unbelievable, especially in the chill of the season, it was nearing the end of October, closing in on a blisteringly cold Winter.

But my body refused to feel the cold as my blood boiled with deep rooted pleasure and want; I was blind to how inappropriate this would be. How I was testing Edward and his restraint all too soon from the last time we had sex; but most of all, how our 'actions' could delay my Vampire's reaction if any danger appeared.

Lost in the abyss of burning need, I tried to dredge up any reasons as to why I shouldn't let this happen, especially with my father a few yards away. But in all honesty, he would have merely been in the room down the hall from us if we'd decided to wait until we were in my bedroom. But the thirst could never be quenched, a lot like the fierce dry ache Edward experienced for blood--it could be sated extremely well, but the tingling sensation would permanently remain, always wanting more.

"Edward I can't wait until we're inside," I begged in a rush, my cheeks colouring.

He complied, the gold had dimmed in his eyes and they wrought a sufficiently dark presence over me. Shuddering with unbridled hunger, I brought my lips to his. Admittedly, I was being selfish as Edward had not one, but _two_ hungers to deal with at the moment.

But I craved him so badly.

I ran my tongue over his bottom lip, my signature move, and relished in the delicious taste. I hummed, licking my lips.

I gasped when I felt Edward's hand cup my crotch; I tried to move myself harder against his hand.

With one hand gently cradling my face, he took my mouth once more, parting my lips and invading my mouth with his own tongue, indulging.

He growled as I pressed my hot centre directly over his erect shaft.

"Theres no space in here," he grunted, his skilled lips leaving a trail of open-mouthed kisses over my jawline.

"Fuuuuu--" I panted, my eyes rolling back in my head and my back arching.

Edward's hands reached behind me to unclasp my bra, the offending lace that kept him from more of my skin. I tried so hard not to curse and yelp as his tongue darted out to each puckered nipple.

"I can't get you undressed without tearing your clothes off," he stated reasonably but his tone was layered thickly with desire.

The idea sent a thrill through me, the wetness between my legs growing uncomfortable.

"At the moment I wouldn't care." I breathed, licking his lips.

"You will when you greet Charlie."

I groaned almost in desperation.

The car door opened and I was about to shriek in shock when I realised Edward had done it. He lifted me out with him, closing the door behind him with a soft click. Neither of us wanted to alert the chief of my return just yet.

_Especially_ not yet.

I wrapped my legs around his waist, bare-breasted and flustered as he opened the back door, lying me down over the seat and proceeding to hastily remove my jeans, but in a manner that left them intact for my impending reuinion.

Unable to hold back any longer than was necessary, he freed himself from the contraints of his jeans and boxers, but not completely shedding the garments. He unbuttoned his shirt as I watched in awe, barely any light available but enough to leave my underwear a tribute to a kid's slip and slide.

Dark eyes and messed hair, he leaned over me, placing a hand on either side of my head. The door was still opened behind him to leave us with leg room, but it also let in a nasty draught. I didn't care though.

"You're precious; you're supposed to be treated that way." Edward relented, ashamed and angry.

I grabbed the collar of his open shirt, pulling his face down to mine whilst simultaneously lifting my legs to hitch around his hips.

"I love you." and it was simple enough to get him to just reisgn himself to the fact that I would want him in any circumstances.

I didn't care if we were in his car or at his house; I'd want him if we were in an old barn. The fact remained that he was still the most appealing, most attractive and beautiful creature to me. Our destination wouldn't change that, neither would the fact that we were both in danger while our gurads were down.

Unabashedly, Edward drove into me, covering himself with me and sucking in a deep breath that came out as a strangled snarl.

"Mine." he grunted, licking the corner of my mouth before I opened it up to him, revelling in the feeling of his hardness inside me again.

"It's too much," he grumbled, staring into my eyes.

"You're too hot, too wet for me to handle!" he hissed, his head falling to my shoulder.

I was winning my own battle, panting and shuddering and moaning as he thrust his slick cock back in and back out. His hand guided my hips to meet his with every movement he made. He squeezed my ass, accentuating the pleasure.

I let my fingertips graze down his abs, they clenched under my touch and from the strain he was under. I circled a nipple with my finger and Edward's hips bucked faster, my wet sex stretching to accomadate his size as he pushed deeper.

I was tender at this stage. I hadn't waited long enough from the last time and I was still sore, but I was quickly gaining the burning sensation in the pit of my stomach that exploded through my limbs, from my toes to the crown of my head.

I saw stars in the sky and the black fire of my lover's eyes as I felt the tightening in my abdomen.

"So wet," he moaned.

I clenched hard around his penis and almost immedeately felt the bizarre rush of his cum filling me; cold.

He kissed up and down my neck before reorganising his jeans and shirt then helping me with my own as I could hardly move from the sex induced haze I was in.

Smiling wickedly, he took my hand and popped the boot, grabbing everything Alice had packed for me and guiding me to the front porch.

I breathed in a deep, shuddering breath of reluctance before I turned the knob--locked.

I really hoped I wouldn't have to do this, but I knocked anyway while Edward and I stared at eachother.

"You clearly look like you've been cavorting around with a Vampire in the backseat of his vehicle." he whispered in my ear.

I glared; now was not the time. I heard shuffling and Edward straightened up, all business now.

"Who on God's green Earth would come at a time like--"

Charlie pulled the heavy wooden door out of the way and gawked, as if he'd seen a ghost.

"Baby," he whispered, grabbing my arm and pulling me into a rib-crushing embrace.

His moustache scratched against my forehead but I didn't care.

"I'm so sorry for leaving, Dad, I-"

"What the fuck do you think you're doing here?" he demanded, glowering at Edward while shifting me to the side.

I felt wetness on my cheeks.

"Dad, please--"

"You come here after an entire fucking year!" Charlie bellows, aware that we have neighbours but totally uncaring as to whether they want to hear his tirade.

Edward's eyes were blazing a dark golden, as if taunting Charlie to continue.

"And now what? You've come back on hands and knees?!"

Edward waited for him to cool down.

"Dad, this isn't--"

He rounded on me with his furious, purple face.

"I'll deal with you later, get in the house!" he jerked his thumb over his shoulder.

He returned back to the object of his outrage.

His tone turned deadly as I listened from down the hallway.

"An entire..._year_--she was dead to me, dead to the world because of what you did. Left her to rot in the middle of the forest, if only you'd seen the state she was in." And I winced as I realised Edward was probably watching it through Charlie's memories.

I put my head in my hands. I didn't want him to see me that way.

"I _never_ want to see you around her again, do you hear me? I may be a small-town cop, but there are people that care about Bella here. And I daresay I'm not opposed to threats, either. So I'll warn you--if you being back here ruins her again, after months of trying to animate her, I have people that will come after you. If in the mood, I'll give a personal visit."

The door slammed and I scrambled up the stairs, waiting on my bed for Charlie to give me my well deserved punishments.


	8. Flesh

_Hullo guys! How have you been lately?_

_I can't remember the last time I updated! Sorry about that. I belted this one out pretty slowly, actually. So it was more like squeezing it out rather than belting. My brain's lost it's juice. ~shrugs~ What can I say? But I finally got this one done tonight, so I'm rather happy._

_And with citrus, enough to give me heartburn. ;D_

_Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight--this is just some fun with a deviant Edward.  
_

* * *

"For how long?"

"Indefinitely." Charlie clarified.

"Dad--I'm _nineteen_," I protested weakly, appealing to his lenient side.

"You disappeared after my _best friend's_ funeral!" his voice was raised, effectively shutting my mouth.

"You left an extremely fucking vague note, telling me you wanted to get away for a while," he went on.

He took a seat in the ancient wooden rocking chair that was a permanent fixture in the corner of my room. He groaned as he leaned his elbows on his knees and rubbed his hands over his face.

"You never called to tell me you weren't a decaying corpse beside some road somewhere; to tell me where the fuck you were _at all._"

"I'm sorry, I-" I whispered.

"I probably don't want to know what _he_ has to do with any of it, Bella. So don't tell me, not right now anyway. I don't think I can handle any more for tonight," he rubbed his eyes with the heels of his palms and glanced at the digital alarm clock on my nightstand.

"Or morning." he corrected, clearing his throat.

He looked at me then.

"I'm only grounding you and punishing you because you scared the _shit_ out of me for the past almost week. It's been one of the worst of my life."

Guilt swelled within me; I should have been more honest with Charlie, or at least come up with a better excuse. I had hurt him in the process of doing what I thought was right. I had no qualms about saving Edward; I would do it again, but I should have thought more about Charlie, too.

He thought he'd lost _me_ as well as Harry in the same week.

I acted too harsh, and I decided to shoulder his wrath with a closed mouth. It was the least I could do for putting him through such stress, after his grief. Swallowing my pride and stubborness, I nodded.

"Yes, Dad." I replied with a shaky voice.

"I'm sorry." I added simply.

I would wait until he could handle my explanations before I tried loading them on him. Hopefully, the time between would be enough for me to come up with a worthy story to tell. I may feel guilty, but I loved my Dad too much to get him involved with absolutely _everything._

_Especially _Vampires.

I couldn't take that chance.

Living with me constistuted a risk; _knowing_ was entirely different.

The chair squeaked with Charlie's movements as he silently ascended from his perch, exhausted. His five o'clock shadow quite prominent and his eyes red around the edges with tired purple bruises beneath them. And I could have sworn the usually black hair at his temples was grayer than when I was home last.

I deserved whatever he had to give me; grounding or locking me inside, I'd done more harm to him in comparison.

My nightstand looked dusty and unused, like I'd been gone for more than just one week.

I shook my head at myself once Charlie resigned himself to his own bedroom, shutting the door firmly, a signal that he was done talking.

I just hoped I hadn't done any irrepairable damage to our already tenuous relationship; we hadn't even begun to get the whole father-daughter issue down pat. I didn't want to ruin what we managed to salvage so far during my time here.

I sighed and flopped back onto my bed, desperately needing a shower but too tired to move.

I struggled out of my jeans and jacket, forgetting my sweater, but groggily removing my sneakers--all curtesy of Alice, infallible, organised Alice.

All my clothing had been caked with South American foliage and dirt, spattered with blood from my self-inflicted wound--which Charlie surprisingly hadn't noticed or had pinned down to my chronic falling-over syndrome.

Which I suppose, came in handy to have as a commonly known personality trait; people stopped asking questions when you adorned a fresh bandage or plastered limb every other day.

I still had my sweater on; an expensive cashmere emerald sweater; my blouse, white and also way beyond my price range; and my underwear. Thankfully Alice hadn't gone overboard in that aspect, I don't think my body had it in me to blush anymore.

I yawned loudly, attempting to muffle it with my palm as I rolled over ontop of my much-missed purple coverlet. I peeled my socks off last before tucking my feet under the blankets with one final stretch. Before my eyes closed, a cold hand caressed my forehead.

I jumped a little but let them fall closed anyway, smiling slightly as I silently lifted the blankets for Edward to enter.

He joined me, gathering me up in his stone arms as I drifted.

* * *

I shifted slightly, expecting a second body next to mine but coming up empty.

I frowned sleepily, keeping my eyes closed. It was still dark and cold; no sun was coming in. It couldn't be that close to morning, then.

It was still too dim.

I let out a gust of air and let my heavy eyes flutter open. My bed was empty apart from myself, no sign of him inside my room. My irrational side kept whispering taunts inside my head.

_It was all a dream._

_He's still gone, there's nobody here for you._

I vehemently shook my head, expelling those dangerous thoughts before they grew on me like an insidious cancer.

I threw the covers back and shivered with the rush of bity air that met my bare legs. I tip-toed over the floor, trying not to stand in one place for too long, as my feet couldn't stand the shock of the cold, polished wood.

My hands met the window frame and I leaned my forehead against the glass.

I wouldn't be able to sleep without him here; where on Earth would he go off to?

_Victoria._

I gulped noisily and opened my window, willing Edward to appear from the cover of trees surrounding my house.

I gripped my hair, panicked. The only reason he would have gone out in the middle of the night was if they were tracking her, killing her.

Fighting.

I tried to dispel the batch of stomach-churning images my brain conjured when I thought about Edward fighting, in any capacity, but with a ferocious villain like Victoria?

Nothing is more dangerous than a vendetta of avenging one's eternal mate.

In a way, I could understand Victoria, and her motives. But that didn't distract from the fact she was trying to kill me; it basically began like a fight between siblings.

_She started it. _

_Well, her mate, James, did._

I tried not to think about where he was; but that was as impossible as the sky falling.

I was tired, but not enough to get me back to sleep. I was too keyed up.

I felt hands run down my sides and I gasped.

A chuckled sounded in my ear and I shivered.

"Forgive me..." he whispered, kissing my earlobe.

I gasped a second time, but not out of shock. I stayed in the same slightly bent posture, with my hands braced against the window sill. Edward's hands, skilled and firm ghosted patterns over my ribcage, so easily breakable to him.

"How do you do it?" I breathed, astonished.

"Do what?" he murmured, leaning his chest against my back. His hardened shaft very obvious as it rested against my backside.

I bit my lip, concealed a moan and said, "Restraining yourself." I choked.

"Hmm?" he pushed, enjoying himself.

It hadn't crossed my mind to ask him where he'd wandered off to; I forgot that almost immediately after he touched me.

"You're so in control," I observed, my breath hitching as his palms travelled to my front, circling my navel.

He could go either way.

How could I want this so badly in less than a few hours? Perhaps, like heroin, it was impossible to get enough. The need would always be present. I didn't know that it was a good or a bad thing.

"Who says I'm in control?" he asked, voice sinister and layered with lust.

The best combination.

One of his hands moved under my clothes to cup my breast and squeeze. He growled as he realised my bra was still on. I'd been too lazy to remove it, even though it grew uncomfortable to sleep in.

"Hold your arms above your head." he demanded, a slave to his desires.

As was I.

I obeyed out of the same need that was plaguing him.

He pulled the sweater off and the blouse after that.

"This will not do," he grumbled, fingering the satin strap.

He unclasped it, letting my chest free. It slid down my arms and I threw it off before reclaiming my leaning stance. Edward's hands continued to roam, everywhere but the aching between my thighs. He was avoiding it, just to tease me.

He leant his body against mine again; his hardness pressing against my panty-clad bottom.

I groaned softly as he placed a kiss to my shoulder blade, so sweet in comparison to his dominant behaviour. My teeth were chattering and my nipples were taught; I was cold but in no way did I want to put my clothes _back_ on.

I heard, but didn't see, his clothes fall to the floor, the unbuckling of his belt and zipper. My panties were soaked at the crotch. I squirmed, thinking about rubbing my thighs together, but Edward's hands grasped my hips, holding my legs wide apart.

His thumbs hooked into the waistband of the cotton, sheathing my moist center from him.

"I love these," he whispered roughly, pulling them down my thighs.

I blushed modestly and bit my lip, turning my head where his chin rested on my right shoulder. His lips met my cheek before closing on my mouth, his tongue flicking lightly over my bottom lip. He rested his head at my entrance and I found myself panting with eagerness, my head resting against the window pane.

His left hand covered my own against the window frame now while the other guided his cock inside my heat.

His chest vibrated against my spine as he growled with the sensation.

We didn't speak a word, we we merely drowned in eachother.

He touched me around where we were connected and I cried out. I clamped my mouth shut to keep from alerting Charlie to what was going on under his roof. As hips thrust against mine, more soft, ragged growls erupted from his lips. I desperately wanted to see his face, his expression, the fire in his golden irises.

His hand moved around my thigh, fingertips grazing skin until her parted my folds and touched my tender bud.

I felt him everywhere, and I didn't want it to ever stop.

I wanted him closer, melted to me. I felt like _I_ actually might.

His forehead rested once again on my shoulder as he quickened his pace, sensing each miniscule tightening of my muscles in response to every thrust. I couldn't prevent the soft whimpers that escaped my mouth, either.

It was like I was begging, pleading.

I was pleading with Edward to release me.

I felt the warmth rise inside me; like magma, it gradually leeched through to each limb, into my blood, into my bones.

It was surprising how little (none at all, really) I protested against giving into him here, in my bedroom, with my father down the hall.

I felt the wetness growing, coating him as he pushed in and out.

His mouth opened against my shoulder and I felt a thrill of danger mixed with my desire.

Would he actually bite me? Here and now? As I felt myself begin to clench, my pleasure spiking impossibly higher, my breathing almost stopped.

My eyes wide and my mouth formed the shape of the scream I couldn't let escape my throat. Thankfully, Edward placed a gentle hand over it to muffle any too-loud noises I made. I breathed heavily, illiciting a low groan and whimper as I clenched and throbbed, tensing and weakening.

His muscles were strained, his body still hard against me. His arm circled my waist, lifting my feet from the ground but gaining better access before he continued to move inside of me, slick and hot. I could barely maintain sobs as the ecstasy peaked again, throwing me into a frenzy.

My breath hitched in the back of my throat as he finally found his release, becoming impossibly still as he emptied inside me.

Without removing himself, he waited until we both calmed down.

"Where did you go?" I remembered why I was at the window in the first place.

I glanced over my shoulder at him, face darkened and strained with the aftermath of our rondevous.

"Carlisle called me from his post outside your house, said he picked up a scent; one he didn't recognize..."

I turned around fully, grasping his naked shoulders for support.

"Carlisle's out there?" My eyebrows rose to my hairline.

God, I hope he didn't hear anything.

Edward smirked.

"Nothing he hasn't heard in our house before." he mumbled.

He sighed, playing with a strand of my hair before tucking it behind my ear.

"I left to go check it out. We don't need any more visitors on top of Victoria coming after you," he emphasised 'you' with a squeeze, his arms wrapped tightly around my waist now.

"Was it a..." I trailed off and he nodded in understanding.

"Vampire. Yes."

I eyebrows formed a worried frown.

"Who? Do _you_ know them?" I implored, eager for answers but not wanting to seem interrogating, like I didn't trust him.

Edward shook his head, his butterscotch eyes melting into icy black pools. But I misinterpreted his answer.

"I didn't get a chance to smell it for myself; the wolves had thoroughly cloaked it before I had a chance." he muttered, tone clipped and hard.

I pursed my lips and looked to my feet, sighing.

"I know they're friends of yours..." his tone softened infinitesimally, not enough to make it seem like he cared what happened to the pack.

Which it was obvious from the very beginning, that he did not. It was my turn to shake my head.

"Not anymore, Edward--I was kind of exiled. Well, as far as I know, Jacob probably never wants to see me again." I leaned my head against his chest, wanting to forget about our recent fight--it felt like an eternity ago.

So unimportant.

But...I _did_ owe Jacob my sanity, and possibly my life. If he hadn't been there, I would have had the chance to end my own life. And had he not been there the day I was cliff diving, Alice may have seen me get pulled from the deathly cold pacific ocean. She might not have returned to Forks at all. I wouldn't have Edward back--none of it would ever have happened.

I suppose I owed him more than I thought--even if he didn't think so himself.

Edward picked me up, my brain silent to his, and put me back into bed, laying himself--full clothed--down beside me.

* * *

I found it extremely lucky my father left me to my own devices the following morning. Surely he would have been dog-tired from my early morning home-coming, but he left for work at six a.m. just like any other day.

So, he didn't come barging into my room for a sequel to our argument, which I was grateful for, seeing as I was still totally and completely naked. Edward was still lying beside me, his face buried in my hair and his arm draped protectively over my waist as he spooned my body from behind. I smiled into my pillow, relishing in the free day we had together.

My arm was stinging, though. I suppose I would have a second scar parallel to my birthday scar.

That thought wasn't exactly cheery.

However, it would forever be a morbid reminder of the sacrifice I was willing to make. But when I became a Vampire--would the scar stay on my arm or be erased with every other imperfect blemish on my body?

Edward sensed I was awake.

"You slept like the dead." he commented, kissing the back of my neck.

I shuddered even though I was covered with every blanket on my bed.

"Mmm...?" I hummed.

He chuckled against my skin.

"What do you want to do today?" I asked hopefully.

"I asked Mrs. Newton for an extended leave from work, so she won't expect me any time soon. And of course...you missed graduation...so..." I breathed out a puff of air while he remained silent and contemplative.

I frowned.

"It's hard to believe you were gone all that time." I said softly, shocking myself.

My heart was no longer shredded and bleeding; it was lying right here beside me.

"How long was I gone...exactly?" Edward wondered lightly.

I detected the deep-routed guilt and shame; the nervousness and hatred.

"You don't have to hate yourself anymore." I whispered honestly.

"How long? I didn't keep track of the days where I was. I know it's been over a year, obviously...but...how long?" he repeated.

I swallowed.

"Since the day you left," I gulped.

"On the sixteenth of September?" I made a long sigh.

"I found you on the twenty-seventh of October...the following year."

In one smooth movement, I was flipped onto my back, Edward's face hovering inches above mine.

I sucked in a breath.

"And you _forgive me?!_" he hissed incredulously, his eyes accusing.

He shook his head, confused and angry.

"I thought you were raised better than that--to love and forgive when it is not merited." he muttered.

But he smothered my retort with a kiss.

"Yes, yes--I already know you're going to try and defend me." he mumbled against my mouth.

I laughed.

"You don't have to apologise, because I know you did it for me."

"Everything I do is for you." he simplified, utterly serious.

I nodded.

"I know."

His eyes left mine then, to gaze between our bodies, mine bare.

Colour rose in my cheeks as he unabashedly stared, smirking before kissing all the way down my torso, starting between my breasts before stopping just before my crotch.

"I can imagine your taste on my tongue," he whispered, ducking his head and laying an open mouthed kiss between my legs.

I gasped and my breathing sped instantaneously.

His fingers delicately parted my folds, a copious amount of moisture already present.

The old Edward wouldn't have been so bold as to try this. I'm so glad he had changed his mind.

The moment his tongue came into contact with my clit; I could no longer breath but I heard my heart beat in my ears, pounding. My insides throbbed and I found my hands running through his impossibly soft hair, the strands lit up like real bronze in the sunlight streaming through my window.

It quickly disappeared behind a thick mat of clouds.

But I hardly registered that fact as he licked me. He hummed and moaned against my flesh and the feeling of it caused me to scream.

"Please," I breathed after coming for the second time.

"I can't take anymore." I begged.

He crawled back up my body and kissed me once more. I kissed him back, enthusiastically.

Then he stiffened and I feared I'd gone too far.

But that idea was ludicrous, as we'd gone much further than heated kissing before...

Instead of leaping from me in painful thirst, he glared at the door then lithely leapt from my bed. Puzzled, I stood up and rummaged for clothes, pulling on a t-shirt and some sweats.

"What is--"

He opened the door and disappeared behind it.

"--it?" I finished, talking to thin air.

I frowned and approached the door, stepping cautiously into the hallway.

Edward materialised in front of me.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"Alice is here."


	9. Infallible Omniscience

**Disclaimer: Twilight is deffs not mine. I'm just making Stephenie Meyer's characters creepy sexualy deviants. :D**

_Birobird here! Updating my beloved story again; this has been one of my favourites. Maybe because it's close to Canonward with a mix of Dark/Possessiveward. Ah, I love it. Anyways: shoutout to **Kamara**, or **RobPattinsonLover** if you read this. You're a god damned loyal reviewer girl!_

_And **Beanflikn **sorry I made you cry with my IA:2 update. *hands you a tissue with a sheepish grin* *kicks shoe against floor* I'm sorry, I just like it is all... Tragedy, its my thing._

_OH AND! The nominations for the Silent Tear Awards are open. go to (http://) silent-tear-awards(dot)web(dot)com_

_New Moon comes out for Aussie Twi hards on Wednesday! *happy dance*  
_

* * *

Alice stood, unobtrusively, in the arch connecting the kitchen to the hallway just a few feet away from the front door, I assumed, she'd just let herself into. I warily stepped down the staircase, aware of Edward breathing very _obtrusively_ down my neck and of the tense silence that permeated around us. Had it been visible, I imagined it coming off of Alice in gas-like vapours, thickening the air and making it difficult to breathe.

She didn't look pissed. I had been tentative in approaching her, or leaving my bedroom at all, given Edward's last conversation with his favourite, companionable sister. I suppose she wasn't here to discuss Edward's attitude, or if she was, it would be a subject in passing and not her main objective. Biting my lip, I chanced a look over my shoulder to find Edward's mouth just inches from my ear, his breath cold against my sensitive, freshly flushed skin.

"Stop it," I hissed uneasily.

I didn't need him acting like that around me when I was trying to concentrate and lessen the stiffness between the three of us.

After all, I was the source of conflict in the first place. Edward was overreacting in every single aspect of his life; which whole-heartedly included me in every facet.

So, when he was exaggerating about my safety, or lack thereof around his own family, of course they were genuinely miffed about it. After all, I didn't doubt Edward was now the most dangerous of the coven of seven—maybe not to me, but lethal to anyone who crossed either of us.

Alice's eyes flickered accusingly to Edward's for a split second, which I think she may have intended me not to notice, but notice I did. I knew she was still irate about his treatment of her husband, Jasper, and of herself when she'd asked, curiously, about my sex life. I didn't blame her in the least for wondering; it was a rare occurrence, after all, a Vampire and human together intimately.

I heaved a nervous sigh, splitting the wall of apprehensiveness and switched an imploring look to my almost-sister.

Golden eyes glittering, she sighed too and motioned for me to join her in the living room. Frowning, I followed her and took a seat beside her on the sofa while Edward sat down on the shabby love-seat, a stark contrast to his crisp appearance, even in crumpled clothes from the previous night.

"What's up Alice?" I began the conversation.

Edward's chest rumbled with a growl as he glared balefully at Alice.

"Edward," I scolded quietly, detesting his behaviour.

But Alice cut in, not seeming to be affected by his anger.

"Bella—our futures have all disappeared." She stated flatly, her eyes conveyed the weight of her statement.

My mouth opened to gasp but no air escaped or entered.

"B-but, why? We're not...I mean, what's happening?" I fumbled for the words that I so dreaded.

"There's no way to know!" she grumbled, frustrated, throwing her dainty hands in the air.

Alice loosened the purple, woollen scarf from around her neck and sat back against the couch in a very human-like gesture, huffing.

I tried to gather my thoughts.

"What about the wolves?" I pressed anxiously.

"You can never see what's going to happen when they involve themselves in our business—it must be them."

"No." Edward answered for Alice, his voice dangerously low and sinister.

He shook his head, eyes darkened.

I gulped and turned my gaze back upon Alice who was studying her nails; something she did when she grew too frustrated to find answers with her gift.

"How do you know it's not them?" I asked Edward, glancing at him and back to his sister.

"We've made contact," Alice spoke petulantly with her bottom lip jutted out.

Her words sounded like a battle regime—making contact with the enemy, or not-yet-disposed-of ally.

"Apparrently, they've been scouring the woods for Victoria—", she said and Edward snarled but Alice continued as if she hadn't heard him. "—and they say they haven't interfered any more than they were doing yesterday or the day before that. And before now, I could see our futures perfectly."

She was muttering under her breath, as if she was calculating hard maths problem, her fingers pushed up against her top lip as she stared unblinking at the small crack in the floorboards, badly concealed by the coffee table.

"You should get that fixed," she murmured distractedly before she stared around the rest of the room, still talking to herself.

Edward's hand snaked around my waist, his thumb grazing my hip before skimming up my side to the crease of my breast. I was barely clothed, with just a loose t-shirt and no bra. I felt a little exposed, especially since Alice was in the room when Edward was being so physically suggestive again. I almost jumped out of my skin when Edward raised his voice, speaking over my head to Alice.

"What did you just say?" he asked, although she hadn't spoken a word.

She must have thought it.

"What if they're working around us?"

I had no idea what track of investigation they were sniffing at now. They were keeping me out of the loop and my suspicious side—amplified in my presence of cunning Vampires—told me they were doing it on purpose.

"A backstab," Alice elucidated.

I cocked an eyebrow and turned to Edward for his reaction, it might tell me what he was thinking.

"I've been in their minds, Ali—"

"Yeah, not in years, though. How do you know they haven't decided to change their direction? When we came back to Forks, we had limited communication with the pack, but Carlisle wanted to keep it that way; distant meant we were at ease. We knew we wouldn't be treated like celebrities once we returned. So we haven't spoken to them much,"

Edward was concentrating hard on her argument as I folded my arms across my chest, catching up on their thoughts.

"The only one you've been around in sixty years is the Black's son. And he hadn't known about the pack, or the legend back then."

"Bella told me he made the transformation one night a few months ago. The pack has been growing ever since." She turned her stern look back upon me.

I assumed she was thinking about my cavorting around with the wolves who, at one time, were my friends, family and protectors. Basically, they acted as my Cullen replacements. Sue was my Esme, Billy was my Carlisle, Sam was my Jasper (we were distant friends), Leah was my Rosalie (not exactly friendly, either) Quil, Embry, Jared and Paul combined were my Emmett and Emily was my Alice. Then there was Jacob, a stand-in, although it was harsh, it was true.

He hadn't _replaced_ Edward, he never could. He was a presence of comfort and safety without the feelings of affection, intimacy or love. I let my eyes fall in embarrassment at what she must be remembering from her return to Forks, only to uncover the treacherous activities I was engaging in.

The essence in the room blackened and I felt the temperature suddenly drop.

Edward was _angry._

Understatement.

Alice must have snapped out of her silent admonishing of my past zombie-phase lifestyle to find she'd really done a number on Edward's temper.

After all, I had never really explained what I'd been doing while he was away.

There was no reining him in and I bet Alice was internally chastising herself for setting his already unstable temperament off.

Everything stayed eerily silent for a few moments before Alice spoke again, restrained and quiet like she was afraid Edward was bomb, ready to explode at any loud noise or sudden movement.

Slowly rolling her eyes to mine.

"So, who are we to assume they don't have ulterior motives behind helping us track Victoria? Who's to say they aren't playing buddy-buddy just to get into our circle of trust, knowing how compassionate Carlisle can be? They could be playing us like harp strings, waiting to strike at us when our backs are turned because we thought they were guarding them."

"But, I _know_ the pack—what would they have to gain from attacking? They would have to explain your sudden disappearance..." I trailed off, realising how they'd done it before so it wouldn't seem so odd a second time around if the Cullens "left town".

"If they're trying to destroy you, then what about me? Are they planning to kill me too? They know me, they...loved me..." I used past tense, not sure if they still held the same fondness as they once did before I ran back to my Vampires.

Once again, Alice answered. It was like Edward had left the room. If it hadn't been for his possessive grip on my waist, I would have thought Alice and I were alone.

"Because they must know you're thinking about becoming one of us."

I was sure I looked like a vampire then, as I felt the warmth of blood leave my now-pale face, draining into my toes or evaporating from my veins completely. I couldn't let my loved ones fight, even if they were long-time mortal enemies. I also couldn't stand by and watch the Cullen's get obliterated.

"But, no!" I protested weakly, grabbing Alice's stone hand.

"I mean—they can't _know._ And, what about Charlie? If they killed me along with the rest of you, how could they explain doing that to him when they're practically family? I'm all he has; even if they lied and said I left town with you, they'd be betraying him in the worst way! How could they?" I demanded the answers from her as if she held them behind her eyes.

She just shrugged.

"That's a small technicality that I don't understand myself. Also, you told me they know about my being psychic?" she clarified, segueing into another line of facts.

I nodded, my emotions plummeting and being heightened too much that I felt tears springing in my eyes.

"They'd expect me to be suspicious then if our futures disappear, wouldn't they? I mean, I know they're a bunch of volatile half-breeds but they cannot be that stupid, especially since they would have the disadvantage of numbers if it came down to a fight." She pursed her lips, speculating.

I felt like she'd punched me in the gut with her cold fist. My family fighting? I didn't care if they had the upper hand; it was a completely unacceptable risk! How could they not see that? Wolves were, after all, designed to kill Vampires. They had the strength, force and skill necessary to destroy their species.

And all because of a shared animosity? There was no valid reason for putting anyone in danger, so why would the wolves even risk their own?

It didn't make sense.

"No, you're right, Alice. They wouldn't do something so stupid, they know how deadly you are, it's instinctual to know for them. There's something else that's doing this."

She nodded, following along.

"What else would blank out your gift? Other than the wolves?" I pressed, wishing I could squeeze all the information from her mind and implant it in my own so I could look at this from all angles.

Edward's fingertips grazed along the barely there pink abrasion on my cheek. The mark, jaggedly clawed into my skin from an aggressive jungle creature.

"The only other thing that would do that is our deaths. But surely we'd have been gone by now, if that were the case." said Alice.

Maybe.

Or maybe other beings, shape-transformers, shifters with the same attributes akin to the wolves had planned for a visit.

Gaping at Edward, I struggled to comprehend.

"The jaguars." I whispered and he nodded in agreement.

"There's no other explanation." He said, calm, control and betraying no emotion in his voice.

"Can you please not have your own conversation?!" Alice complained exasperatedly, waving a hand in front of my face.

"I need to be in the loop here, and you two look like you've just solved the mystery of Jimmy Hoffa!"

Dry mouthed, I looked at her, terror and confusion etched onto my face.

"Include me in your findings?" she requested.

"In South America, you remember how you said you couldn't _see_ if Edward would come home. You couldn't see what would happen, Alice, you assumed because Edward hadn't decided but you saw my future disappear, didn't you?"

Eyes wide, brimming with remorse and guilt, she nodded.

"You saw both our futures disappear that night. Just before my guides phased?"

"They what?!" she shrieked, enough to pierce my ears uncomfortably.

"They phased, just like the wolves did, only into one of their own native species. Jaguars. They changed when we crossed a line between their territory...and the Vampires'."

I could feel Edward's rigidity as his body was poised so close to mine.

"Jaguars?" Alice asked with narrowed eyes, not sceptical, but shocked.

"Then they've for some reason, decided to interfere..." she trailed off, her eyes dragging to Edward, who's expression I couldn't and wouldn't look at.

"But what do they want?" she wondered.

"Bella?" Edward suggested abrasively.

"No, they were protecting me down there. They tried to keep me from the Vampire that took me to his coven." No matter how hostile that man had been, how inhumane, he still brought me to Edward, and without him, I may not have made it there at all.

"Gabriel." Edward added. "I killed him." His tone laced with a dark lavish.

He thoroughly enjoyed that fight, I could tell.

"So, what, they've decided to...follow me?" I tried gluing the facts together to make it fit even if, logically, it didn't.

"Your guess is as good as mine, I suppose." Alice grumbled, clearly put out with her lack of foresight as of late.

I sighed and rubbed my forehead soothingly, maybe if I tried hard enough, I could rub away every last scary memory or thought from my brain. Unfortunately, nothing was ever that easy. Alice's eyes unfocussed for a moment and I didn't know whether to feel thrilled with her gaining her power back, or scared at what else she might see ahead for us.

Uncertainty and dread veiled my heart. She was silently mulling over her new vision, plucking it apart and discerning key information.

"I can see that Jasper and Rosalie want to attack the wolves..." she murmured easily.

"What? No!" I objected vehemently.

"Relax, Bella, Carlisle would never allow that and neither of them would go behind his back. Besides, they were only talking about it..." Her eyes were still distant, focussing on the near, almost immediate future.

Feeling raw and vulnerable with this new development, I felt the weight of everyone's emotions stacking themselves on my back. I assume this is what Jasper felt like on a daily basis, only more amplified.

I picked nervously at a fraying edge of the sofa while Alice and Edward had another silent conversation, effectively shutting me out of their strategising.

"So, what, do we just have to...wait?" I guessed at their agreed resolves, pin-pointing them exactly.

"Yes,"

"No." Well, not Edward's.

"Edward, don't be ridiculous, what are the chances that they want to harm Bella?" she argued with a frustrated scowl.

"Even if they were, she's protected and if need be...maybe we can appeal to the wolves for help."

Edward grunted, irate.

"We are, surely, the last people they would want to help!"

"They still love Bella, don't they? They can't just exile her, they wouldn't. They're all about community, and they've already adopted her as their own." Alice rationalised, her voice softer and more pleasant.

Edward wouldn't have a bar of it.

"She does _not_ belong to them." He spoke it loudly and roughly with just the right amount of seething.

His voice was liquid mercury, bitter, boiling and poisonous.

I watched Alice bristle but warned her with my eyes not to push him further. I didn't need to explain to Charlie how a hole was punched through the thick brick wall, the size of Edward's fist.

"You said it yourself, they might know about Bella's future plans for permanently joinging our family; we can't trust them, either." He said.

She pursed her lips but sighed in resignation.

"We wait." She declared; and I found myself saddened that she didn't look or sound like the jovial, energetic Alice I'd grown to love.

Instead of ageing through time, she'd aged with experience and stress; this past week must have been a wrecking ball to her heart and mind. In an expression of comfort and gratitude, I clasped her hand with mine and gave it a consoling squeeze.

Caught off guard, for once, she smiled.

"It's okay, nothing is absolute...do Jasper a favour and stop stressing."

Nothing was written in ink on the page of our lives; it was merely still drafts at this point, we could erase what hadn't been set in stone yet.

Edward stood and came around to level his gaze with Alice, narrowing his eyes at her, enquiringly.

"There's still the issue of Victoria, had you forgotten?" he muttered caustically.

"Edward, don't talk to her like that." I warned, his eyes flashed to me and softened.

He shook his head and kneeled down, taking on a less intimidating method of dialogue. The floorboards creaked as he shifted, complaining to the occupants inside, of their movements.

"If we can't see anything, we can't see _her_," he added logically, ruminating with his eyes locked on his sister's.

Alice's face twitched almost imperceptibly and if I hadn't been watching closely, I would have completely missed the reason behind Edward's sudden outburst.

"What was that?" he snapped, causing Alice to recoil.

As I was about to scorn him for being unreasonable again, she dropped her eyes guiltily, but with a fierce concentration on her face. She was trying not to listen to him as he demanded to know something she'd thought.

"Don't try and hide it from me!" Edward barked, standing up to tower over her dominatingly.

"Damn it, Alice! What are you keeping from—" he stopped, eyes widening in terror.

She must have slipped because her head fell into her hands, her shoulders slumped in defeat.

"Why didn't you tell me?" he thundered, furious but the slight falter in his tone deceived his pure panic.

"Tell you what?" I stressed aloud, hating that I was the oblivious party of the three.

Alice lifted her eyes back to her brother's.

"Because I knew you'd react this way!" she defended with darkened eyes.

It seemed they displayed their emotions through their eyes as much as any human did; a blackened hue suggested hunger or anger, emotional peaks.

"Of course I was going to react this way!" he retorted, rage-filled venomous words shooting from his mouth like lethal darts.

He grabbed his hair from the back of his head with both hands, stressing it and pulling at it frantically as he paced the short expanse of my living room, shoulders so rigid the muscles protruded severely. His entire body was taught and strung like piano wire.

His eyes and his posture shouted brutality and primal viciousness.

"ARGH!" Edward practically screamed.

He threw a pointed finger at his sister.

"Please stop!" his fingers scratched so harshly over his marble face, that actual marks appeared.

Terrified at what could cause Edward so much distress, I couldn't help myself from breaking out into scared little, pathetic whimpers.

"Edward, stop, please," I begged, standing up and making a futile effort at preventing him from mutilating his face.

The scratches faded as quickly as they appeared, but that didn't leave me any less shaken.

"Alice," I whispered shakily. "What the hell did you see?"

"Over and over again, different places, different times..." she shook her head and I realised why she had seemed so burdened lately.

Edward groaned in agony mixed with visceral snarls churning from his throat. He dropped helplessly back to his knees, like he was praying to Alice, appealing a different outcome. She looked like a divine Seer, doling out our fates like food rations. But she felt the implications of each future she saw, felt them close to her heart.

Maddened by their silence and shared agony; I begged for answers.

"Please, tell me what is going on!"

Alice looked remorsefully at me.

"You saw something?" I urged.

Edward's hands seized possessive hold of my waist, clutching me to him like I was a helium balloon about to float away from his grasp.

He was scared.

"Your death." Alice murmured. "Never in the same place or time; it keeps changing within the hour..."

"But you said our futures had disappeared!"

"Not completely. There is this thick, white haze over everything at the moment, but I keep getting flashes of yours...crystal clear. It all depends on where you decide to be and at what time."

"I won't let it happen!" Edward growled, his arms tightening reflexively.

"But...who? And how long away?" I breathed, shell-shocked, my voice a ghost of any emotion.

"Sometimes it's Victoria, and other times, I can't see at all, the thick white haze is back..."

She took a deep breath, unnecessary, but somehow steadying.

"But...they all happen within the month."

* * *

"I can change you." Edward offered desperately.

His eyes were stuck in between amber and butterscotch, not completely sated but not dangerously hungry, either.

His irises were threaded with metallic ropes of gold, reminding me of the sliver of light that appeared before a sunrise or after it set along the horizon or behind a grey cloud.

Once upon a time, I would have been jolted by these words coming from Edward, but now they didn't fill me with too much reassurance.

"I know," I responded calmly.

We were lying in my bed, side by side, face to face with our arms thrown around each other, tangled to the point of no escape. I didn't want to move, even if I could.

I traced the worried line of his brow and the hard tightness of his jaw, wishing I could take it away and ease his mind.

"But I'm not ready...there's still my father, my friends...I can't just _disappear_." I provided in soft dispute.

He was only trying to solve this, to keep me from being scared and most of all, to prevent my horrible death.

"Because you know Charlie will die along with my leaving; especially if it's too soon and I leave without explanation, _again."_

I still couldn't forgive myself for leaving for a mere week, let alone the rest of his life, especially if mine were to outstretch my father's by centuries.

"And you're forgetting...Alice isn't infallible. She was clouded—"

"I saw it." His voice rang out, clear and with a forced flatness that disrupted the cadence of my heart beat.

"And I wish you hadn't." I whispered mournfully.

He was in such agony, and yet I could do nothing to soothe it. I felt something strong coming, with the force of a tidal wave, an earthquake or volcano eruption; we were settled in the calm before the storm. The air was thick and silent with expectance for tragedy.

Waiting for it to strike was torture.

Like watching someone hold their hand back and wait for their palm to collide with your skin, waiting for the sting and flinching with every miniscule move they made.

I rested my palm against his cheek, my thumb stroking softly against his eye lids. He sighed and his face almost looked relaxed.

"I'll destroy them...everyone and anyone who wants to hurt you." He vowed, eyes opening and piercing truthfully into my own.

"I know. That's what scares me."

"Not your own life, of course..." he muttered ruefully.

"I love you." I murmured honestly, speaking through my soul and imposing it into words, like a silk screen print.

He stared at me for an immeasurable moment.

"You will never know how much I love _you._ You consume me, and I can't fight the part of me that wants to do so in return. I want to give everything to you, everything I have. If I have a soul at all, you gained ownership a long time ago." He paused.

"I also want you to know that I'm not going to sit back...and wait...wait for someone to take _my mate_ away from me. I consume you now, you're _mine _to protect and love..."

His voice lowered and I felt the hairs on the back of my neck prickle and stand on end.

"Mine to touch,"

I blushed and he brushed the back of his hand over my cheek before replacing it solidly around my waist.

"Mine to pleasure..." he took a breath before finishing.

"And I want everyone to know, human or not—" his eyes grew dark and sinister, "—that if they desire you, I will kill them," the word 'kill' felt like a cold icicle in my stomach.

"If they want to harm you, I will kill them...and if they want to love you, to take my place, I will kill them, too."

Harsh, evil words spoken from the lips of the undead.

I kissed him, frantic and greedy. Everything was fleeting and at the moment, I wanted to live the words he spoke, drown in consumption and burn with intense passion.

Reading my mind, as if it was actually possible, Edward's hands gripped my hips, fluidly moving me to straddle his hips. He was hard beneath me already and I gasped in anticipation.

It seemed pleasure and physical closeness was the antidote to the glum atmosphere. Snarling rabidly, Edward ripped my t-shirt apart. We were in dire need to be together.

My breasts uncovered, he sat bolt upright, his hands skimming softly over my torso, making me shiver while he teased my nipples with his tongue and lips. We were both ready. Our movements, although hurried, were for the express purpose of sharing a moment. Because Alice saw my death, and Edward was falling apart, because Charlie was upset with me and because I had lost my best friend, Jacob.

I was in the aftermath of devastation, but also on the brink of it.

I _needed_ him to assure me there was still goodness, still happiness; I wanted to show him, I was here, breathing.

My hands moved of their own accord to cradle his head to my chest, tugging and fisting in his hair. We had converted back to animals, acting out their physical needs to achieve the ultimate point of ecstasy and gratification.

It seemed impersonal, but every fervent moan, every rough grip of wandering hands and every severe movement our bodies made was derive from the multifaceted, unfathomable link we shared; like ancient lovers.

I was hot, aching for a connection of our bodies while my panties grew wetter with each time I grinded my hips into Edward's. Our clothes were hastily shed, due to Edward's impatience and strength, my core hovering low over his erect shaft.

"Bella. Now," he demanded, hands curled into fists at his sides.

I assumed he was too afraid to touch me with all the tension in his arms, lest he break my bones by accident.

I acquiesced with a moan of enthusiasm, our throats rumbling in unison as I slid effortlessly over his length, my body accommodating to his size, heating and soaking him.

Too much, too much.

I cried out, my hypersensitive skin alert of every cool caress from his long, masculine fingers. I let my palms rest flat against his hard chest, like rock to my skin but smooth and delicious as I leaned down to kiss it.

He cautiously lifted a hand to my hair, grazing down my neck, curving around my shoulder and cupping my breast.

"Always mine," he whispered huskily.

"_Always."_ He growled, adding a peculiar twinge of satisfaction to the experience.

"I can't lose you." He added softly, barely loud enough for me to hear.

His eyes remained fierce and eternally solemn; I could see the end of him, the end of my Edward and a mad man taking his place if I were to leave this world.

I gripped my headboard and rocked harder, gaining a string of profanities from my lover, his grunts and moans like angel music to my ears...

He watched us where we were joined and began touching me there, touching _us._ I was sucking in deep breaths, closing the smallest gap between this point and the next where the peak awaited.

I was walking a plain of grey, rapidly rising into the highest summit to touch the untouchable precipice of pleasure.

My climax came as an instant rush of flooding emotion. My skin, tender and throbbing was slick as I continued to rock hard with Edward. He wasn't finished yet, but with the exhausting slew of happiness, sadness, anger, frustration, fear and love, I was almost spent and sagging in his arms as I tried furtively to give him his release.

"Keep. Going." He huffed, blazing eyes and rigid muscles.

My toes curled and my eyes rolled into the back of my skull as he came inside of me, my second orgasm lapping over my first one and shaking the energy from my body.

Edward's hands held me up as I slowed, panting and eyes tightly shut.

He rolled me over gently, like someone handling a priceless crystal ornament. He flattened me onto my back and gingerly pulled himself out of inside me. I grew uncomfortable with the moisture between my legs, covering my thighs.

Edward disappeared from my bedroom and came back with a towel, wiping himself off before spreading my legs open to clean me up, too. I hissed as he touched my sensitive clit.

When he was done, he disappeared again before I felt his weight beside me on the bed. My eyes had closed once more as Edward held me.

I had a feeling he'd die first before he left my side.


	10. Decisions

_This chapter is all EPOV._

_Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight-I just make her characters into sexual deviants.  
_

* * *

EPOV

I stared at Bella's flushed skin, fresh and youthful; her complexion pale but tinted with pink from her spike in blood pressure, a result of our ferocious love-making.

I wasn't usually such a conceited creature, but I knew when I was able to make Bella feel good, feel amazing, even. I'd given her the best physical pleasure of her life; I could read the facts in her body, knowing I was and will be the only one to touch her this way.

Or at least I was hoping, because unfortunately, I was not the psychic vampire; Bella could change her mind just as sure as she could die tomorrow.

A difficult concept to come to terms with, one I had constantly faced and therefore shied my thoughts away from.

She could decide that immortality was not what she desired, not what she wanted from me. She could fall out of love with me; I wasn't saying she was fickle, but it happened, sadly.

The fact that it could, pained me to no end.

But not as much as the knowledge that there were other people, or other monsters that longed for her love and her body. One in particular came to mind, in the foreground in comparison to mere schoolyard crushes; Jacob-fucking-Black.

And although I should probably be grateful to the mutt for keeping Bella safe in my absence, or stupidity (which sounds far more appropriate to my behaviour), I couldn't quite hide my own regret that I was not the one to protect her from all the bad things in the world.

I was gone. And that left a space which he so wittingly filled.

I was just glad that he hadn't imprinted on her; I'd heard stories, legends mostly, but some true cases where a wolf/ shape-shifter/abomination, would bond with a mate, much like Vampires, but more creepy in my opinion.

They could find a mate in anyone, at any age, which gave them a wide generalisation of the population. What if they fell in love with a child? I found the idea was slightly sick.

But imprinting was the furthest thing from the front of my brain. I wasn't feeling so incredibly ill about Jacob and his cronies, more so about the disturbingly clear and grotesque images that continued to bombard me. They were the images from Alice's visions.

Bella's warm body lay flush against my own, half-wrapped in a blanket with her legs tangled between mine. I had my body curled around hers from behind as she slept soundly, peacefully, seemingly unperturbed by her sudden lack of mortal life in future.

I watched, unable to expel the horrid pictures of Bella—dead.

I tried to contain my rage, my despair, channelling it into even breathing so I didn't crush Bella's hands between my own by accident. I could easily remove them, or stand up, get dressed and pace around the house. I could even throw down a tree or two outside to work off some steam, yet I couldn't leave her presence—just another human life, but so far beyond precious, that leaving her side was akin to the pain of losing an entire limb, I imagined.

Vampire emotions were heightened versions of human emotions; we felt everything they felt, but amplified a hundred times over.

Sometimes it was bliss, other times it was debilitating sadness, grief, or blinding fury. However, it was almost impossible to surmise in words. You had to feel it, to know.

I felt it.

_Bella—body broken, pale and ice-cold, sprawled on the lustrous grass of our meadow with no-one around, in sight or distance. A small line of blood trickled from the corner of her mouth and from her nostrils. The wind whipped silently and calmly through the grass and wildflowers. A peaceful sentiment in bitter contrast to the terror raging my still heart._

I visibly shook as another vision tore it's way out of my memory to torment me with it's clarity.

_Bella—broken neck, eyes glazed and distant. She was lying in the snow, half-propped against a rocky cliff face surrounded by the forest, not too far from here. It would have been difficult to tell how extensive her injuries were, that is until her head lolled to her shoulder, revealing the ravaged bloodiness covering the entire left side of her neck. She'd been fed on. Thoroughly._

Another, one that particularly enraged me.

_Bella—clothes torn off her body, parts of her naked and bare. Scratches, enormous in width, raked down her spine and sides; a werewolf attack. She lay, with her arm bent beneath her body, on the rocky shores of La Push. _

_Bella—alive with a beating heart, reading peacefully in bed while I hunted around the Olympic range. Her stature calm and sleepy until a draught blew through the window, a mass of fiery red curls appeared—Victoria._

_A white hand protruding from a shallow grave, dark soil mounded on top of her. _

That one perplexed me; someone had buried her.

_Bella—covered in blood, shaking from head to foot. I see myself, running to her side. Her clothes are soaked and she lies in a pool of the crimson liquid. She coughs and splutters uselessly, obviously having been trampled or torn apart. We are in the forest again; a part I had never been before. Her blood coats my fingers as her heart slows and stops._

_Bella—falling onto her back, tripping over her own feet in fright, an attempt to escape. I see this vision through the eyes of the perpetrator. I step forward, my feet bare and filthy, thumping ominously against the floorboards of Bella's house. She screams._

I clench my eyes shut and excel a shuddering breath of loathe.

How could any of these happen? I was supposed to be here, constantly, to prevent any of these futures, yet they seemed as clear as if they were real memories.

I tucked my face closer to her neck, nuzzling her delectable neck and pretending to sleep.

I lay there, beside my love, contemplating ways in which to keep her.

* * *

By morning, I was practically seething and Bella could feel it. She always forgot I didn't sleep, carefully extricating herself from my arms which tightened convulsively around her, until finally loosening. She stood up from the bed gingerly, trying to be quiet, although I hadn't the faintest idea why.

She was still nude from our little play session. I took a small break from wallowing to admire her pert little bottom, the feminine curve of her spine and hips and the rounded peak of her breast, just visible from where I sat up.

"Is Charlie home?" she suddenly whispered, answering my question to her cautiousness.

I shook my head and her tensed shoulders relaxed some. She rubbed her eyes a little and turned to walk out the bedroom door. I followed her, bored with waiting already, beating her into the bathroom. She gasped, and I heard her heart beat falter from shock. I smirked and sat on the edge of the bath tub, watching her. She shifted uncomfortably and I rolled my eyes.

"Do you want to be present for everything?" she queried with an incredulously raise brow.

I shrugged, appraising her breasts, taught nipples, pink and bitten. I licked my lips as she sighed, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Do you forget what it looks like to go to the toilet?"

I chuckled and shook my head.

"Perfect memory, remember." I tapped my forefinger to my temple.

"Well, that's lovely, but I can't go with you sitting there, staring at me." She rubbed her foot up her shin a little, biting her lip and not meeting my eyes.

"Fine, if it makes you uncomfortable, I'll wait outside. But I'm coming back in to bathe you."

Her eyes widened before I disappeared out the door, she shut it in my face.

Once I heard her run the faucet to wash her hands, I was back in there, locking the door behind me and turning the shower on. She jumped again and sighed.

"You're so jittery." I commented, testing the temperature of the spray.

"Besides the obvious, what has you so on edge?" I asked, taking her hand and guiding her inside.

I drew the curtain shut around us, the metal rings scraping against the pole they hung from, shaped above the tub/shower. Bella looked hesitant, almost sheepish. I eyed her bandaged arm, growing frustrated with that damn thing and how it happened. We'd need to redress it after we got out.

"I'm just...sort of—I'm adjusting to you being back. I had gotten used to being alone, going at a human pace for everything. I forgot what it's like to live someone who can materialise out of nowhere." She smiled warmly up at me.

I bit the inside my cheek and looked away, turning away from her and fisting my hands. I felt the hot water run down my back, soaking my hair. Bella's warm little hands flattened against my hips.

"What's wrong? Did I say something to upset you?" she asked anxiously.

I leaned my fists against the tiled wall in front of me, battling with my rage. How much damage has I done to her? This was only a minor thing, but when I was gone, she got used to being afraid, of not feeling safe and loved, adored.

She was used to feeling lost.

I let my hands gradually relax, forcing my muscles to lose their rigidity. I was in too close proximity to Bella. I couldn't risk having her in my way when I flew off the handle.

"Baby," she whispered, pressing her hands on the small of my back.

I listened to the sound of her thumping heart, the blood moving in her veins and the rhythmic expansion of her lungs.

I straightened up slightly, turning around. She put her hand to my cheek, so I opened my eyes.

"I think it's time to forgive yourself, like I have." She ordered, leaving it at that.

She reached behind me for the soap but I took it from her grasp.

"Let me." I breathed, turning her around and lathering the soap in my hands, replacing it in the holder and running my hands down her sides, skimming lightly over her skin and leaning my face down to her neck.

I pressed a kiss to her naked shoulder and she shuddered, her arousal dripping from her core. I pulled her back against me so she could feel my erection press against her back.

"Mmmm..."she hummed, rubbing herself intentionally over my hardness.

I groaned, the water rinsing off the suds from her body, leaving her slippery and flushed.

I reached around to play with her nipples, pinching them between my fingers then letting my other hand explore her torso, fingering lines down her belly, around her naval before dipping lower to tangle in the curly hair between her legs. Her hand closed around mine, urging me to go harder, faster.

"When did you become so confident?" I whispered in her ear, sweeping her hair back behind her neck.

"When I realised we might not have forever." She answered solemnly.

I leant my forehead against her shoulder, turning sideways to kiss reverently along her neck, the curve between her jaw and her shoulder.

I followed her silent orders, slipping my fingers between her folds, growling at the heavy moisture accumulated. I rubbed her throbbing clit while she panted and whimpered.

"You're not still sore, are you?" I selfishly hadn't considered how hurt she still might be from the first time yesterday.

"A little." She moaned.

I nodded and decided to relieve her gently. Instead of taking, I gave. Profusely.

Bella sagged against me as she tightened around my fingers. She cried out, her hands clenching on my forearms as I dipped my fingers in and out of inside her heat. The hot water would run out soon, and Charlie wasn't far from arriving home. We needed to finish up.

But I couldn't help but lavish the look of Bella coming undone, losing her self-consciousness if only for a moment, giving into her inner wildness and becoming the sexual creature I knew her to be, secretly.

"Unf! Go-_od_." She shivered, twitching and jerking beautifully.

"Exquisite." I murmured, removing my fingers and trailing her hot moisture up her body then popping my fingers in my mouth, tasting her.

I sighed, running my fingers along my lips.

Bella was spent.

"You know Charlie is going to wonder what I've been doing in bed all day." She mumbled, turning around on weak legs to face me.

"Did we even wash?" she frowned, looking around as she placed her hands on my chest.

I smirked and picked her up, turning the shower off as she clung to me. She gasped when she felt my shaft still at attention, grazing solidly against her sensitive slit as she wrapped her legs around my hips, her arms around my neck.

"He'll just chalk it up to jet lag. He doesn't know how you got home or where you were before then. He doesn't really _want_ to know. He's just elated that you came home." I explained what I'd gathered from Charlie's thoughts from the past two days.

"Hmm." Was all she said, nodding as I walked us back into her bedroom, a towel draped over my shoulders.

Once I perched her on the edge of the bed, I knelt and started running the towel up her legs.

"Are you worried?" she asked, eyes focussed on my hands curling around her calves.

I looked up with a frown.

"No. Are you?" I lied.

"Don't lie." She scolded lightly with a disapproving purse of her lips.

I sighed and buried my face in her lap, her fingers began stroking through my hair.

"Why do you ask now?" I prodded.

I felt her shrug.

"I suppose it's really hitting me now...I mean, I never bet against Alice. She's impossible to disprove, what if...what if it happens?" she whispered worriedly.

"I won't let it."

"You can't be as sure as her—"

"The fuck I can." I disputed angrily, raising my head from her thighs.

"I have before, haven't I? Nothing she sees is certain of happening. Yes, I am worried, Bella. I am fucking terrified of losing you. Especially because, ultimately, no matter what, it will be my fault."

She opened her mouth to argue but I continued.

"And to have to see it, so many times over is agony. It's possible, that she's forced herself to look out for us. She may have overlooked things when she's tried to see into the future. _That_ is something that's happened previously and it's interfered with the truth."

She chewed on her lip and fiddled with my hands.

* * *

Charlie arrived home at six twenty-two. He went through his routine, hanging his gun holster up on the coat rack at the door, toeing his boots off beside the table next to the coat rack, placing his keys on top of the table. He shrugged out of his jacket, hanging it up over his holster then removing his utility belt which held his hand cuffs, batten, and pepper spray.

As I recall, he'd had to order another one after he gave his old one to Bella.

Not that I object at all, but unfortunately, whatever was after Bella now, would barely be hindered by some mere chemicals. They were monsters, after all.

I was sure of it.

It was ludicrous to think humans had it out with her.

Whatever was blanking Alice's visions was something else; and it had to be the South American cat pack.

I guarded the house from outside, keeping an eye on Bella, standing in the glow of the kitchen as she prepared a meticulous apology dinner for her father.

"You didn't have to cook, Bells." He mumbled, shaking his head apologetically before clearing his throat.

"But thank you."

"It's okay, Dad. I wanted to...say...sorry. For bailing out on you. It was wrong. It w—"

I knew she had intended to say 'it won't happen again'. But how could she promise something that in future, she was going to break?

She took a deep breath and instead repeated, "I'm sorry."

Charlie nodded, looking over her shoulder at the saucepan full of some Italian tomato mixture.

I honed in on Charlie's mind.

_She looks good. Better. _

He noted internally as he took inventory of his daughter.

_I hope it lasts this time. Wonder where Jacob is...?_

I should have tuned out at the mention of his name. I should have given his privacy back, but I was too masochistically curious about what he was reminiscing about.

_Now, that boy was quite a match._ He smiled to himself before floating from the kitchen and into the living room.

It seems bad images were the theme for tonight, because he chose to remember the very worst, almost like he knew I was watching them unfold like an old movie in his brain, complete with music.

What made me feel like retching was when he remembered walking in on Jacob and Bella hugging.

They were seated on the sofa in Bella's house, embracing tenderly, like a couple would. Bella was pulling back slightly, tears in her eyes. Jacob's hands were resting on her waist and his eyes were half-closed, lidded. He licked his lips in anticipation. I noticed his hair was still long; his features less sharp than what they were recently as I'd seen in Charlie's mind. This must have been before he made the transition. He leaned his face closer to hers, angling to press his lips to hers before Charlie made his presence known, clearing his throat.

He regretted doing this now. He wished he'd let them be, and bloom into a relationship, this way, Bella wouldn't be with me. That was his logic.

And it could have been possible.

I felt the bitter, coppery taste of jealousy in my mouth as I stared at Bella through the window. She glanced out at me but I doubt she could actually make me out in the dark. I hid myself well.

She gave a nod and disappeared, most probably setting the table.

I breathed hard through clenched teeth. I wondered if they'd gotten further than that hug. If he'd tried again somewhere else, when Charlie wasn't there to witness it. I would need to look into Jacob's head. I needed to know what he'd done with her.

She was mine, and if somebody else had engaged in something with _my human_, they were dead.

Obviously no-one understood the laws of relationships, although that was an irrational thought. Of course, I'd asked her to move on, as much as it killed me to beg it of her. I left her to heal and forget.

Unluckily, he'd been the first to show up and gain her trust.

It was probably very ungentlemanly of me, but I was glad I had been the one to claim her, to take her innocence, in the physical term, to brand my scent on her like she's been bathing in it.

If I had been gone for any longer, I could have lost that chance to take her.

What if she'd decided to give herself to _him..._?

I ground my teeth, cracking a giant stone with my fist. I'd never been this violent or out of control, but instead of feeling disgust, I felt power.

I liked being a bad guy. I liked showing my enemies who _not_ to fuck with.

I decided to put the Jacob issue to rest for now, I'd deal with it later, when I could actually do something about it.

I gave the house a small berth, settling just on the skirt of the forest.

I rubbed my hands over my face and through my hair, thinking. I sat down on the rock I broke and leaned my elbows against my knees.

What was I missing about these visions?

Alice was being blanked out because of the Jaguars. But surely, they wouldn't come all the way to Forks to hurt Bella...?

So why was she dying in each, and every vision?

I saw myself trying to protect her, fighting for her, killing for her, _dying_ for her.

But what if I wasn't strong enough? If we were dealing with a vampire, than they were savage, human-blood-drinkers. How could vegetarians compete with that?

I knew Victoria. I knew her mind, and if she was intent on something, she would die trying to finish it. And I also knew she was incredibly skilled in attack. She may be acting out of revenge for my killing James, as irrational and volatile as those emotions may make someone, she was still tactful, a strategist.

If we weren't meticulous, we could definitely lose.

That was an unacceptable risk.

Almost on cue, I heard something approach, knowing as soon as I heard his thoughts, that it was Emmett, followed distantly by Rosalie. Double the protection.

Good.

"Make sure she doesn't go out, and nobody comes in." I told them.

They both agreed, Rosalie, somewhat bored, before I hastily departed, in search of solutions.

Before I had even made up my mind, my legs were already carrying me to Port Angeles, the closest hub of sin and crime. Not that it was anything compared to Seattle, but I didn't feel comfortable going too far away from Bella.

I already felt anxious leaving her as it was.

_...leave the cat outside the house..._

_Don't understand what the red cord means..._

_One, two, three, four...six...eight...ten..._

Pointless thoughts.

_Fucking bitch...should bring her round back, maybe teach her some respect..._

Pay dirt.

I zeroed in on the thoughts, emanating from a middle-aged man, sitting at the bar of a popular night spot called 'Queue'. I watched him sift through faces, girls he'd beaten because they didn't give him what he wanted.

He was abusive. He was a cheater. He was a liar. But he had family.

I noted the bruised face of his wife, scared to leave him, but scared to stay in his life.

He got up from his stool at the bar, wiping his mouth of his whiskey before depositing a few bills next to his empty glass as he absently scoped for the girl he tried previously to seduce.

She was a small, petite little blonde. Brown eyes and a kind smile.

She was here with her boyfriend and her sister.

He was prepared to wait for her outside, snatch her while she waited for her boyfriend and sister then drag her to the dank alley behind the club, rape her and beat her.

I was doing a public service.

I was lucky to have found something this soon.

He stumbled out the back exit, the door slamming behind him as he pinched a cigarette between his fingers, a lighter in his other hand. He didn't see me, until I stepped out of the shadows.

"What are you looking at?" he scowled, cupping his hand around the flame so it didn't blow out from the wind.

He leaned up against the rusting dumpster as I stared, slowly approaching. The moon was barely there in the sky, leaving it dark and quiet, the only sound was his heart beat, sluggish, his breathing, poor, and the muted music coming from inside the building.

"I said, what the fuck are you looking at?" he snarled, puffing out smoke from the corner of his mouth.

I could have called it an act of vigilantism, but then again, I'd be lying if it didn't give me a sinsiter satisfaction.

I smirked, lunging forward and spinning him around, arching his neck to the side before biting down hard.

I drank until he was just an empty corpse.


	11. Infinite Ballad

_OH MY GOSH. This is my very FIRST chapter that has been BETA'D. Now, the only reason I am starting now is because I know I have odd spelling mistakes etc, and I'd like to make my updates a bit better in quality. AND, I had the lovely **labeano2002** offer to become my wingman._

_I'll be updating IA:2 Next sometime.._

_Thanks for patiently or impatiently waiting for this update. Props to my Beta, everyone. She's also gonna start writing her own fic. Give her some love._

_-birobird xo  
_

* * *

I distractedly chewed on my thumb nail as I waited for Edward to return. I merely pushed my food around the plate instead of ingesting it, feeling far too keyed up to relax and chew on something. Charlie was happily stuffing himself, avoiding bringing up the subject of my preoccupation.

When Edward..._left..._me, Charlie and I laid out some unspoken ground rules over the previous year.

Talking about anything to do with Edward was strictly forbidden. Talking about _that day_ was also, never allowed.

Within the first month, I was at my worst. I couldn't eat, it wasn't because I was refusing to for the purpose of being petulant, but because I couldn't keep anything down. It was like I was ill, yet the doctor could find nothing physically wrong with me.

I found the taste of everything rancid and foul. Sleep was something I hated to do. I would stay awake as long as I possibly could, sometimes days at a time. Eventually exhaustion would win out over my slack, deteriorating body, and I would collapse into bed.

The moment I slipped from consciousness, I was met with the most terrifying nightmares I could have imagined. My version of a horrible dream didn't involve the monsters that I'd come to know in everyday life, but with the absence of them.

I was singular and alone with no future, no past, nobody, nothing. Just myself in an endless maze with no light, only darkness.

I shuddered to think of them now, only having just had the dreams disappear completely upon finding Edward.

But when I was alone...I was suffocating.

The space around me made it hard to breathe, which made my logic sound backwards and contradictory. It was so difficult to put in words, how it felt.

Grief snatched the words from my mouth, so I would barely speak to anyone, even my own father. During the first few days, I was only gradually gravitating to the painful truth that he was never going to come back. For weeks, I clutched to the irrational hope that he'd made a mistake, that the dozens of times he'd promised or vowed his love for me wasn't all just pathetic fanciful imaginings of my own mind.

Weeks turned into months and I slowly grew numb from sitting on the edge of my sanity, waiting to be saved by his return, or pushed off the deep end by finally accepting he was gone forever.

I'd often entertained the notion of taking it all away forcefully, not waiting for nature's process. I'd made it perfectly clear that I didn't have a future without Edward, not one that I desired in any capacity whatsoever. I thought about taking my own life.

With the numbness I suffered, there was still pain, but it was a cold, biting pain, something shadowy and subtle. It was a dimmer version of the searing agony that I tried every day to reign in and smother. Like an itch I couldn't scratch, a constant throb in the back of my head and bottom of my heart, it tugged at my nerves. I managed to ignore it, but it gradually grew impossible. The shadowy pain would echo like a heartbeat through stone walls for most of the time, but fire up in the presence of reminders. A trigger that would jog my memory, inexplicably turning my thoughts immediately to the subject I refused to ponder.

It was the essence of my nightmares; the cause behind my pain, and the very reason I couldn't stand to live like a zombie. I was, in all rights, a walking corpse.

Unlike my undead former family, I still had a heartbeat, and blood which pumped through my veins, a vital part of the life I was technically sustaining. But, like them, I was practically frozen in one, inert state.

Unmoved by people, situations and emotions, I was immune to mostly everything.

Nothing could ever touch me, not emotionally, because I wasn't there anymore.

Edward left with my soul that day, leaving behind my body, a heart, and a head that I didn't recognise anymore.

I couldn't stand to hear people talk, as if their voices were like needles in my ears. It mostly felt like my head was stuffed with cotton, as though everything was muffled and I could easily forget where I was and who was around me.

Then there was Jacob, who, single-handedly, destroyed my numb daze. He shattered my concrete walls of self-protection with his friendship, coated in a sickeningly sweet layer of affection and kindness.

_But he wasn't Edward_.

And with Jacob, there were always complications. I never knew where to draw the line, and admittedly, I used him as comfort. It's because he was a separate entity to the Cullens, and Forks. He was a warm, third-party who hadn't observed who I was with Edward, so he accepted me in any form I came. Whether I was despicably lonely, depressed or sad, or miserable, average, or even...okay, he wouldn't ask many questions and I could just ignore the way he looked at me.

I had mistakenly grown too attached to him after a while. Then he threw our friendship into the trash on the grounds that I would be safer away from him after he transformed for the first time.

That's when my affections for him ground to a halt. I still had a place in my heart for him, a kindness, but the bitter man that replaced my old Jacob was too much to bear.

Before Jake, I had invested so much of myself into concealing my torment from outsiders, mostly for Charlie's sake. I owed him a lot more than to mope around, lost and depressed all the time. But he noticed, and I knew he noticed, because there was only so much I could hide when I was conscious. But the screams of terror during the night provided him with a sickening alarm to his daughter's cracking sanity.

He often tried to get the truth out of me, urge me to talk about it, but I could never push the words past my teeth. It was like I had an invisible gag, hindering the explanation from my mouth. Everything paranormal, every little secret that I solemnly vowed to keep to myself for the Cullens remained in the back of my brain, the secrets that they could never share, and the ones that stayed silent behind my lips every day.

So, if he asked, I would shrug my shoulders and say 'bad dream'. To which he would answer, 'okay', but both of us knew what it was truly about.

By the end of February, I hadn't seen any progress and Charlie was at the point of breaking under my emotionless stare and uninterrupted, meticulous schedule that I lived by so I would have no free time to actually _think._ Thinking was a dangerous thing to do. It let your mind wander to dark places.

So, as any father would do to his increasingly unstable teenage daughter, he sent me to a shrink. Doctor Gerandy was our GP, but apparently had little to no experience in psychology. So I had to travel to Port Angeles for these 'health visits'.

"I want you to set a goal today, Miss Swan—or, Bella? Do you mind if I call you that?" Ms. Greene asked, pushing her DKNY glasses further up the bridge of her nose.

Ms. Greene, first name Lisa, introduced herself to me with a warm, small-handed hand shake and a nod of the head. She motioned for me to sit down on a comfy grey armchair to the corner of her office, or shrinkage room, whatever you could call this place.

I just shrugged, non-committal. She hesitated for a moment before sitting back in her own chair, a swiveling office contraption. She crossed her legs, clad in grey stockings as she brought a note pad to her lap with a pen pointing to the lined paper, waiting to analyse something I said or did.

I looked around the room, noting the framed documents and awards on her beige coloured walls.

Come to think of it, everything in Ms. Greene's office was neutral. Possibly because she didn't want to overexcite the lunatics. Was beige meant to be calming?

"I want you to set a goal for this session, Bella, and hopefully the ones preceding it," she went on as if I was carrying the conversation with her.

I almost rolled my eyes at the cliché. Shrink, setting goals, uncooperative patient. Instead I sighed, instilling as little emotion into the act as I could.

"We don't even have to talk if that's what you want..." she added slowly, as my eyes met hers again.

"You've done most of the talking so far," I mused.

"Indeed I have, but I'm just telling you we don't have to do or talk about anything you don't feel comfortable with. But know that, when you do let things out, with anyone, if not me, but a close friend, it will make you feel exceptionally better," she smiled congenially.

How many times has she reused the same inane statement with her clients? Not all of what she said was exactly true.

"Your father is worried about you, Bella. He thought that you couldn't talk to him, so he asked if I could help."

I just watched her with a distant interest in the trees swaying outside the window over her shoulder.

"Let's just start with your age. That's a safe topic. Nothing too hard to talk about, right?" she offered, testing my temper like she was poking her toe into a pool of piranhas.

I bit back, only slightly.

"I thought you said we didn't have to talk?" I frowned, only a little bit.

"We don't. But wouldn't you rather put your Father's money to good use?" she pressed gently with another smile and wide brown eyes.

She had blonde hair, cut short into a bob, which she continuously tucked behind her ear. It grew distracting, more so than the swaying branches out her window.

"I don't see why I'm here then. If he's worried about wasting money, I shouldn't have come," I responded bluntly.

"Money isn't the primary concern here, Isabella," she said, asserting her tone a dash more firmly.

I looked at her.

"I'm eightee,." I gulped. I was sharing. With a shrink.

"Oh, well you're practically an adult. Do you like the freedom of being independent?"

"Sure," I said, gazing at my knees.

"When's your birthday?"

I sucked in a breath, burying the emotions that wanted so much to surface. There was something dark and seething just below my throat. If I wasn't careful, it could all erupt, and I would be a wreck.

"Thirteenth,"

"Of...?"

"S-September."

"Ah, you're an Autumn baby, then. Splendid." She writes something down.

"How was your eighteenth birthday, Bella?"

"Shouldn't I be lying down on a red leather sofa, with my back facing you? Isn't that what it's like in the movies?" I asked, dodging that cannon ball.

"Well, no. I want to be able to see your face when we talk. Eye contact is important. So, who are your closest friends?" she went on.

I shrugged again, rubbing my eyes and feeling the tiredness exuding from the bags underneath them.

"No friends? Not even...acquaintances?"

I shook my head.

"Who do you sit with at lunch?"

"I sit alone," I answered curtly.

She nodded, pursed her lips and scribbled something down.

"So, it's safe to say you don't have a boyfriend?" she murmurs.

I stiffen as her head is bowed, focussing on her page for a second before looking back up at me. She notices my uncomfortableness.

Her eyebrow quirks. She's hit a gold mine.

I clear my throat.

"No."

She nods, squinting at me like I was an abstract painting or something.

"Have you ever had one?"

I shot her a glare but didn't answer. I was showing too much emotion, too much of myself. I felt naked in front of this woman.

"No," I replied shakily.

"Are you sure? Your father told me some theories as to why he thinks your so..." she trailed off and bit her lip, hesitant as if her words might offend me.

"Thinks I'm so...what?" I pushed with my eyes speculatively narrowed.

"So...sad."

"I'm not sad," I rebuked out of habit, feeling the need to defend myself, even if it was a lie.

"Why won't you talk to me?" she asked softly, as if that proved I was sad.

"Some people just don't like talking," I told her bitterly.

"Some people don't like sharing their lives with other people that they barely know. Some people think shrinks don't help. And some people have things they might not want to tell anyone else. Not because they're crazy, but maybe because it's none of your business," I ranted.

I snapped my mouth up, regretting getting out of line and hot-headed for no reason at all.

Ms. Greene sat further back in her chair, chewing the inside of her cheek.

"You don't want to talk? Then fine. We won't talk." She dropped her notepad on her desk, threw her pen down with more force than was necessary and folded her arms across her chest.

The entire session was spent this way. Sixty minutes.

She stared at me and I stared at the floor.

I only saw Ms. Greene several times after that.

Afterwards, I gained the friendship of Jacob. When he abandoned me outside the front of his house, Charlie considered getting me another appointment, but our quarrel only lasted forty eight hours or so.

I probably would have gone had I not realised the truth about Jake and his friends.

But even though he and I managed to patch things up, there was still a void between us that couldn't be fixed, not by time or countless apologies.

I was almost ready to accept fate. But fate had other ideas, and handed me a way out, so to speak. I took it, without knowing the ramifications of said 'out'. I pursued the route of ending the pain.

I couldn't deal with it anymore. There was nobody to talk to about _him._ Nobody to understand, not completely. So lately, Charlie and I had been actively avoiding any subject of talk. Before I took the plunge—literally—and jumped from the rocky sea cliffs of La Push, there was a stalemate. A week of complete nothingness that stole every pleasant sensation from my body and replaced it with this...longing.

If he wasn't going to come back to me, then I would go to him. I only saw him sporadically in dreams that didn't terrify me, but instead, cruelly showed me what I'd lost.

There was no other way to be with him, unless I was dreaming forever.

I would end it with the cold dark night, wrapped in the icy caresses of the ocean, sealing the painless fate with a leap off the shore.

On a calm, icy afternoon, I stood at the edge of the cliff, toes curled on the rough, gritty rock. I sprang from my perch and felt my heart leap into my throat with exhilaration.

I hit the cold, unforgiving surface of the Pacific, skin prickling with the pierce of a thousand pins, lungs aching, and muscles cramped from the force of the thrashing sea.

The water lapped at me, tugged at me, pushed and pulled like I was a soggy rag doll. But I hadn't bargained on Jacob intervening. I was almost there. I could see Edward, see his beautiful ferocity and smell his divine scent.

Until the dream was interrupted.

Jacob may have said he saved me, but at the time, in my own mind, he'd killed me in a more agonising way than I had just tried to do.

I survived. Facing that was harder than facing death.

Until I found Edward.

Then everything changed. I had a reason to live, but an even greater reason to die. I had someone I would give my life to protect, as I undoubtedly knew, he would do the same.

Whatever boundaries there were before, had been removed from the equation. The love between us was undivided, unalterable, impenetrable; it wasn't a selfish love, or feelings equated from the love of one's self rather than their companion. It wasn't purely for the novelty, nor superficiality of a typical young romance.

This. This was an ancient prophecy. This was a sacred poem written in blood. The whispered words stolen from the mouth of the wind or a ballad of infinite notes.

Haunting and eternal.

I told Edward that he could have my soul, that I didn't want it, or anything else, without him.

I meant it.

"Something eatin' at you, Bells?" Charlie mumbled, his fork in his mouth.

I shook my head.

"No, I...I'm just tired, I guess."

I heard the metal of his knife and fork scrape across the ceramic plate. I nudged my boiled potato with an absent mind.

"I think that...maybe we should talk,"

"'Bout what?" I murmured, still distracted and yearning for the cold presence of my Vampire.

"Are you sure it's the best thing that you're getting involved with that Cullen boy again?" he just spat it right out with no hindrances.

But when I looked up, his eyes were on the table, worried that he'd stepped the line as he so rarely did.

"Why not?" I asked, although I knew what argument he would give in return.

I shouldn't have asked for his opinion because I already knew what it would be.

"Because I don't want to lose you again when he makes another mistake." Charlie admitted heartily, his tone a little helpless and pleading.

I dropped my fork, affronted and more than a little guilty for putting my father through all this shit. I put my face in my hands, overwhelmed with a wave of unhappiness, pain for making Charlie feel pain.

"I tried so hard for you, Dad. I didn't want you to worry about me when I was…sick," I muttered at the table top, lip trembling.

"Sick?" Charlie scoffed bitterly.

"If that's what you want to call walking around like the living dead for an entire year," he grumbled spitefully.

"I remember," I replied sharply, wiping at my eyes.

Charlie breathed out heavily.

"I don't want you to go back there, Bella. I was fucking terrified for you. Baby, there were times when...I was afraid to leave you alone. I thought that...I thought...you were going to kill yourself," he confessed, his words fading to a shudder-inducing whisper.

I didn't deny his accusations, knowing the obvious lie to his face would be disrespectful and condescending. He was a wiser man than anyone gave him credit for.

"He's not good enough for you. And I can see it in your eyes that you never stopped carrying a torch for the guy. So, what's going to happen when he ditches you again?"

I sniffled.

"He won't," I said it with a frightening amount of conviction.

"That I know for sure."

Charlie still seemed skeptical, adam's apple bobbing down his throat as he gulped. He remained adamant about his feelings for Edward, as did I.

Charlie pushed his plate to the side and leaned his elbows across the slippery surface of the varnished wood table. The light above us was reflected in the clear coat, glaring.

"But what if he does?" he breathed, challenging me.

I pressed my lips together into a defiant tight line. Charlie was always a stern man. He was the chief for a reason. He was the most reliable leader in Fork's police service. However, people began to treat him with a little more respect when they found out his precious daughter was one step away from a padded cell. Then again, he'd be crowned the illegitimate King of pity-parties if everyone found out Bella Swan was fraternising with the dominant Vampire coven in the Northwest territory.

I chewed my lip, knowing that if I restated my words it'd be falling on deaf ears.

I couldn't prove Edward to Charlie. Only Edward could prove himself, define his worthiness even if he didn't think he had it in him.

I decided then to stay silent. He couldn't keep arguing if I didn't maintain the opposition. Like planned, he backed up, leaning into his chair and eyeing me in a way that made me feel like a foolish child.

Maybe I was foolish, that part was utterly clear to me already. But I knew what I wanted, and I knew the facts, more so than what my father did. I was uninhibited by the boundaries of unknown information. He wasn't personally familiar with all the Cullens, and I doubt he ever really would be. Surprised by my resignation, he stood from his seat and proceeded to clear the table, even following it up with washing the dishes having nothing left to say.

I almost considered waiting downstairs for Edward to arrive at the door, but I hastily remembered that he probably wouldn't be invited inside, not to mention the inconvenience of coming inside then pretending to leave again only to re-arrive back inside my room before the lights went out.

However, putting Charlie and Edward in the same room might force them to re-establish some understanding and tolerance, although that was in extremely hopeful circumstances. Besides, trying to throw Edward in the snake pit, figuratively, would only lead to more tension.

The rational thing to do was to exercise patience. Charlie would gradually grow to accept Edward as part of my life again. To me, though, he never stopped being a part of me.

I groggily made my way up the stairs, feeling slightly fatigued, but losing my tiredness after having a shower. Something about the warm spray seemed to wake me up. Maybe it was the methodical routine, it gave me something to do, something to focus on that kept me energised.

I wrapped a large moss green towel around me, tucking it under my arms snugly before padding to my room. I was intercepted by Charlie on the way who said a brief goodnight and kissed me on the forehead. An unexpected gesture, and perhaps one of manipulation to get me to see his way of thinking, but it was tender and paternal, nevertheless.

I waved my fingers at him before stepping into my bedroom, closing the door and flicking the light switch on.

The dark form perched on the edge of my bed was not Edward.

I gasped, clutching my heart.

"Alice!" I hissed.

"What are you doing h—"

She looked up at me, her face was a bizarre mixture of concern and disappointment. Never had she worn this expression in the time I had known her. She was never unhappy or dreary. The only time that I ever saw her remotely sad was before I brought Edward home.

Lately, she'd been noticeably irritated by her brother, but subtly fond.

Something was off.

"I'm not going to tell you exactly, but, I saw something that concerns Edward."

My eyes widened and luckily she saw my next question before I had to choke out the horrid words.

"He's fine," she assured me with her golden stare.

"Well, physically. But there is something that's...not right," she explained vaguely.

I frowned and then cocked an eyebrow at her.

"I just, I thought I might have caught him before you came to bed. But now you're here, I should just warn you."

"About what? Alice," I complained, keeping my voice muted.

She sighed and grasped my hands that were on my hips, letting them swing between us, fingers joined. She leveled her gaze with me, lowering her head staring like she could send her thoughts to me through our contact.

Baffled by her odd behaviour, I just shook my head.

"Have you seen another vision...about Victoria?" I tried pulling the answer from her gaze, but she just shook her head and sighed, dropping her eyes to the floor.

"Things are changing. I'm not sure if it's for the better or not."

I shivered at her pessimistic prediction. Alice was unsure? Something shifted inside me, hope dissolved and fearful doubt made an ugly entrance as it's replacement.

"Goodnight, Bella," she smiled tightly before fleeing out my window.

I numbly got dressed, pulling my hair out from it's bun on the crown of my head. I flicked the light off and slumped onto my bed. My hair fell to my shoulders and I half expected Edward to materialise then and there, like my hair was a siren to his ears.

But the night remained silent and my room unoccupied except for one beating heart.

I laid down miserably, already growing nervous about falling asleep alone. I rested my head against the pillows, my previous anxiety aggravated by Alice's formidable visit.

I pulled on the ends of my hair, curling it round my finger as I closed my eyes, trying in vain to expel the images of abandonment, of Victoria, of losing what was most precious to me.

I was teetering on the precipice between falling asleep and jolting awake. I felt my bed jostle slightly as someone sat on the edge of the mattress and I sat bolt upright in my cold sheets.

I breathed out heavily as I recognised Edward's silhouette, hunched over at my feet, facing the window in which I assumed he entered from.

"Oh!" I breathed, swallowing past the dryness in my throat. "You're back..." I sighed, waiting for him to accompany me under the blankets.

When he stayed immobile, I frowned.

"Edward? Edward are you—"

"Do you love me?"

"Edward, you're scaring me—"

"Answer the question, Bella. Please," he whispered, his hands leaning on either side of him, gripping the edge of the bed, his arms ramrod straight.

There was a surreal vibe that radiated from his pose. Something was definitely wrong.

"I love you, Edward. I do. With everything I have," I answered automatically.

I moved up onto my knees and shifted myself closer to his taught frame. He still didn't move. I placed a hesitant hand on his shoulder, rippling under my touch slightly before I placed a hand on his cheek, and my left hand on his other, trying to turn his face to look me in the eye.

"What's wrong?" I whispered, met with resistance.

He lowered his head but turned it in my direction, avoiding my gaze.

"Are you hurt?" I stressed, growing exasperated and hysterical with every moment he acted so strange.

He let out a deep breath, like he'd been holding it this entire time. I was about to scream of frustration when he finally met my eyes.

Blood red irises.

Without missing a beat, he asked, "Can you still love a monster?"


	12. Angel Abandoned

_Hullo, guys! Yeah, I've been a lazy mo'fuckah and I know it. I'm sorry!_

_Here is another A and D update for you bitches. I like my bitches, so I'm trying REALLY hard to write and get this shit done, but I've been BUSY as a bee lately._

_PROPS to my Beta everyone-** labeano2002**, she completes me._

_LETHAR88! You are an epic driving force. You keep sending e-mails, cause that makes us get shit done. LOL. _

_OMG, have you guys SEEN ECLIPSE? HOLY FUCKING..._

_UNF._

_Enjoy!  
_

* * *

BPOV

The colour of spilled life. Blood. Someone's life… someone's essence… someone's existence. He'd stolen it from them against their will. I could imagine with dreadful accuracy the sobbed pleas of a distraught victim, face washed with the keen knowledge that their end was near, and the angel of death had come to give it.

Did they feel pain? Did he show remorse?

"W-w-what..." I breathed, my heart fraying in damaged tendrils inside my chest.

Edward's pale cold hands came to rest eagerly on the heated flesh of my cheeks, and I sinfully regretted not feeling more revulsion.

But I flinched. A reaction to my soul mate I never thought I would experience. And along with the flinch of uncertainty and fear came the unsettling, formidable sting of betrayal. Thoughts of anger and despair clutched my tongue but none had molded into spoken words yet, as my brain worked hard to comprehend this... destruction.

How could he? How _dare_ he? What am I going to do? How can I live with this? With _him_? I lost my breath having thought that last thought, my heart overwhelmed with this insanity.

Edward looked uncertain, but he showed nothing of regret in his cutting stare. He was power tinged with vulnerability and disappointment in my response.

A burning seared through my chest, behind my eyes and at the back of my throat. Pain lodged in invisible places, never to be seen but always to be felt.

I swallowed, my throat parched.

"What have you _done_?" I whispered, tears clouding my vision as I felt my body leaning away from him.

* * *

EPOV

Oh, the blood. How long had I gone without the beautiful sustenance with which we deprive ourselves? I understood Carlisle, I truly did. I knew why he had decided on the moral route, rather than our instinctive thirst for _human_ blood.

I understood it, and for decades, I had abided, obeyed and restricted myself for him.

Taking that pitiful human's life felt so reminiscent of my vigilante days. The thoughts and images were all snarled carnage, despicable streams of consciousness from the minds of scum, vermin. Those minds were the only ones I would destroy.

I forgot how _good_ it felt to... let go, if only slightly.

I would never again feed on an innocent, that much was certain, which is why I didn't understand why Carlisle disapproved the last time; why he pushed me to change, for my own good. For my own good? So that killers and serial rapists would go on living their fucking lives when their victims couldn't?

They didn't deserve the lives they lead, the blood that pumped through their veins, or the heart that powered their breaths.

_~1930~_

The ink in my fountain pen was running out, causing blotching against the weathered paper in my journal.

July 4th, 4:32 a.m.

_...the exact moment his breathing stopped, his life blood running down my throat in hot rivulets. His last thoughts were of his wife and child—Katrina and Emily.I dumped his body along the river near the church on Kent St., in the reeds amongst the swampy marsh-like mud bank. I like this area of Louisiana. But, admittedly, I do find myself longing for the comforts of others alike. My own kind; companionship, conversation... an aspect of vampirism I've come to live without, if my existence can be classified as such—living. Laughable. Sometimes... there are thoughts of regret in the minds of the monsters—humans that were more 'monster' than I. And although they deserve no reprieve, I get lost in their heads and almost feel... guilt. If Carlisle were here, I'd wish him and Esme a happy Fourth of July._

November 9th, 11:56 p.m.

_I've only just decided to migrate North again, growing tired of the archaic ruins of my... house. The dated fixtures cry pre-war period, and it stings my eyes with memories of my human life. Although they are vague, and accessing them is like looking through murky water, they call out to me in loud remembrance. _

_I purchased a new journal last week, having not had the desire to write anything since then, this will be my very first entry. I haven't hunted since last Thursday, somehow not feeling any cravings for blood... sullied with the actions and thoughts of the perpetrator. I, for some reason that alludes me, think I am slowly pouring their viciousness into my own being with every drop of them I consume. It is almost as if I am taking a part of each victim inside myself, and I've developed distaste. Also, the monotony of the exact same blood on my tongue is causing me to question whether I should have adopted Carlisle's ideals after all. But surely, I cannot simply live off of animals alone. I suppose I see the advantages, but the disadvantages would certainly outweigh them. I miss my family, the ones who accepted me. Perhaps, I will go back to them soon, for a visit. If I did stay with them permanently, would I be able to combat the thirst? Or would it all be a moot point, for I was a soulless entity, and therefore trying to be "good" would be some kind of pretentious debauchery, a waste of time... wouldn't it? I suppose only restraint and time would tell..._

_I will find them..._

November 30th, 6:16 p.m. Rochester, New York.

"Edward?" Carlisle's astonished voice sounded from the door.

He looked over me with those paternally warm golden eyes, his lips turning into a proud grin as he ushered me inside, without my need for an explanation.

~Present Day~

Carlisle's eyes melted from my mind, and Bella's deep brown orbs absorbed them. But why didn't they resemble each other? Why was her expression different from what Carlisle's were all those years ago, when I returned with blood red eyes?

She leaned back, losing the words that were about to leap from her mouth. Her mouth had fallen open, her eyes widened in shock and betrayal, as if I had no less taken the blood from her own body. I shuddered at the thought, shuddered with foreboding, and shuddered with desire. The latter terrified me, but enthralled at the same time.

Maybe that was why she looked horrified. She could see the thirst still heavy in my eyes, a lead weight of fatality. She brushed an unruly strand of hair from my forehead with a hesitant touch. Once her fingertips made contact with my skin, I was on fire within. My libido had tripled within the past few hours, and I daresay, the fresh animation of human blood gave me that sharper edge, the increased strength. I ran faster, too.

I could use this to my advantage when it came time to destroy whatever it was that was out to hurt my human. Bella couldn't easily defend herself against an averagely powerful human man, let alone any Vampire or an ancient race of supernatural South American jaguars for Christ's sake.

I did this for her, because like I'd promised within a month of meeting her, I would kill to keep her alive.

* * *

BPOV

"I did this for you." He told me, his brow furrowed as the crimson glimmered in his irises.

His clothes were spotless, every other part of him flawless and neat. The perfect murder and meticulous crime scene with no fingerprints and no microscopic evidence. And probably no witnesses, either.

"Why? Wh-who?" I demanded in an angry, tearful whisper.

Edward watched me carefully, shifting himself closer to me, the springs in my bed hardly jostled as he moved with his eerie fluidity.

"He was going to hurt someone tonight. That girl could have been an innocent teenager, a young mother... I remember when it could have been you," he muttered darkly, his voice a potent mixture of gritty vindictiveness, sinister and sexy.

I hadn't realised his palms had come to rest on my thighs, but they flattened there now, pushing easily over my skin like a silk cloth until they paused at my hips, pressing gently into my flesh. I felt my body involuntarily heat up despite his frosty temperature and the warning in my head. As if my body was compelled to acquiesce to his orders now, I laid back.

"He deserved less than what I gave him." His final acrid words before he bent down to press his lips to mine.

I needed to be afraid, but my back arched into his touch, his fingers deftly pulling my t-shirt off to leave me bare beneath him. I was breathing hard, but not from fear, it was arousal that had my heart beating so furiously in my chest, and I resented him for making me lose control of my better instincts.

I should be angry, upset, scared, even. But how could I, when the evil was masked with Edward's face? Maybe he'd had the right intentions in his head, but he would destroy himself, and the rest of the Cullen's… especially Carlisle and Esme... for doing what he did tonight.

What sickened me the most was that I couldn't stop him from taking what he wanted from me because I wanted it as badly as he did.

Instead of screaming or pushing him away, I tugged at his shirt, pulled him closer, forced his tongue deeper inside my mouth. I moaned, pushed his chest until he kneeled above me before he removed his clothes, an unfocussed look of ferocity etched into those foreign eyes.

"Wait," I murmured, his movements slowing but not stopping.

"Maybe we shouldn't..." I whispered nervously, but my body betrayed me, as I felt the moisture pool between my legs when he lowered his lips to my left nipple.

I bit down on my fist to keep from crying out in agonized pleasure.

This was wrong. I was wrong. All wrong.

"I love you," he murmured into my neck, flicking his tongue out to taste the skin there, my forehead quickly beaded with sweat.

And so I let myself be taken, consumed. I let myself respond to his touch, his caresses. I let myself moan as he kissed down my naked torso, moan louder as he kissed my pubic bone, hold in a scream as he licked up my moist slit.

My legs shaking with sensation, my thighs wanted to clamp down around him, but his hands kept them apart until he forced me over the edge of ecstasy not once, but twice before he pushed himself inside my core, hard and toe-curling.

I gripped onto his shoulders as he rocked his hips into mine, his eyes now relieved of their worry, their concern. But I let myself enjoy this, I let all this happen tonight before I made the decision tomorrow.

I let him leave me in peace the next morning, although I knew he hadn't gone home. Somewhere deep within him, I believed, was afraid of confronting Carlisle. A part of him was ashamed, but the larger part was never going to leave my side for fear of missing an intruder while the others in his family patrolled my home. It's like he didn't even trust them anymore.

That night, after taking all day to gather courage, I drilled my decrepit truck down the highway, on the pretence of visiting Alice and Esme. I was driving alone, as Edward scoured the forest along the road, keeping up with my speed.

I couldn't do this where people would see. I couldn't risk Charlie witnessing something if Edward lost control. Last night was the precipice of this situation. We were falling now, into a dark bottomless pit that not even an immortal could climb out of.

I willingly gave myself to him, after what he'd done. And that's how I understood what my therapist had told me, what Charlie told me, what Jacob had... That I had never really healed.

I let the truck idle at the foot of his driveway. Slamming the door shut and listening to the rust fall to the ground in a metallic shower, I rounded the car before stopping in front of the hood. I felt my chest getting tight, my gut churning in fear and regret and pain.

I sauntered at a glacial pace up the driveway, doing long pacing before I felt his presence behind me and I lead him back to my truck where I could make a fast, easy escape. I felt like the slightest movement would prove fatal, as if I was under the gaze of a practiced killer, and not a merciful lover.

His footsteps were silent but ghosted mine in an eerie accuracy. He usually would have made noises, made his presence obvious, at least to me. Right now, I could have been alone if I didn't watch him follow behind me, his eyes burning straight into the flesh of my neck and back. I felt his eyes all over me, scrutinizing, wondering...

I knew this would happen eventually, I just didn't want to believe it. I could pretend it wasn't going to, that I could live in ignorant bliss, but I would always hate myself for not trying everything I could to save him. Maybe it wasn't a physical threat, but I was still going to lose him; he was still in danger.

He was his own threat.

He'd saved my life countless times, it was my duty to return the favour.

I stopped just as the gravel ebbed onto the black top of the deserted highway that ran through the range and flowed all the way back to Forks. A direct line. I lifted my face up to the stars, a peculiarly cloudless night with the moon beating down on us, making our skin glow.

I breathed in as a draught rustled through the shrubs around us, twined between my legs, lifted my hair, created an atmosphere of uncertainty.

I gradually found it in me to look him in the eyes, to make contact that meant so much, but caused insurmountable pain, especially when he watched me with undeniable trust. I clenched my clammy hands into fists that held no strength. I opened my mouth to silence, the air rushing out of my lungs but with no words following.

Edward watched me, eyes wide and staring straight through me. I was exposed to the chill of the night, and the burning of his soul inside my own.

_You're doing this for his soul._

And I found what little bravery I had, and put my thoughts into words.

"This needs to stop if we're going to live through this. And I mean that...in every capacity," I told him, my heart heavy as the weight of my intentions came to bear down on me like the air was lead.

"What are you talking about?" he ground out, confusion, anger and a hint of fear laced his tone.

I would do this for his own good. For my own good. For both of us, and for nobody at the same time.

I had to look at him, like I was strong, even though I was weak. However, I doubted I could do anything as brave as this for the rest of my life.

"I can't be this person that is okay with this life. I'm not allowed to be alright with what you are..." I shook my head, my head throbbing and my eyes stinging outrageously.

I felt the sentiment reversed in my heart's counterpart. I saw the cold rage beneath his skin, the crawling disbelief.

But he didn't interrupt me, made no attempt to stop me from doing this.

It was as though our positions had been swapped with the only other difference being our surroundings and the passage of time we had burrowed through—ultimately we were reliving what I went through when _he_ left. I felt what _he_ must have felt over a year ago. I felt the agony, rising ruthlessly in my heart and mirrored so bitterly in his deep eyes.

How must I have looked to Edward when he let me go in the forest? Did I look as betrayed and tortured as he did right now? Would he live through what I did for all that time I was without him? Would he _live_ through it at all?

I know it would end me to do this. It would kill me, break me apart, make me suffer... but it would also set me free. I may be hurt, but things had to get worse before they got better.

Like a fever, an illness, a disease; no healing or improvement could be achieved without taking away the damaging symptoms.

As much as I could deny it, as much as it literally seared holes through my heart to admit, but Edward was slowly poisoning me.

And I was also doing the same to him, as much as he too may deny it or pretend otherwise. I knew the truth of us, of this. He probably did too. He was an intelligent creature, bound to an eternal life to expand and grow, just not physically. But if I understood, then he most certainly did.

Either that, or I had done more damage than I thought and he was more devolved than I originally assumed.

This time, I would be the good person that Edward had been. He had seen the best way to leave me intact, or so he thought. The best way out, for my own good. Not for his, but for me. And I wanted to do the same thing for both of us.

"You're not alright with _what_? With what I am?" he questioned, anger surging through him, an unfamiliar reaction in the man I used to know.

The old Edward would have been satisfied if he thought I was disgusted about what he was.

"Who _are_ you?" I breathed incredulously.

"You know who I am," He growled, stepping closer as if to punctuate his disagreement.

"No," I shook my head, chewing on my lip to distract me from the look on his face, "I don't."

The shrubbery around us whistled in the unsettlingly cold breeze. I hugged my arms around myself to distract, anything to distract. His eyes caught my each and every movement before replacing his searing irises to stare back into my own glistening ones.

"Not anymore, and you know that, too," I pleaded with him to accept it. I reasoned as his face seemed to flatten into an emotionless stare.

I did not wipe the tears that lined the skin of my cheeks. They would stay there to remind me of what I was here to do.

"I lived without you, and I can do it again," I vowed, only half believing it.

I was plagued by uncertainty from the memories of the past year, all a haunting little fairytale with no happy ending, a broken-winged angel abandoned.

"Where is this coming from—" he began, but I cut him off.

"I want you to live without me, because I know you can do it. At least this time, you will know where I am, that I'll be okay, that I will be safe. Because if you don't take this chance right now, we're not going to make it," I said, honesty leeching into my every word.

"And I don't care what kind of creature you are, whether you were human or Vampire. I care about what you _do_. What kind of person you are, what kind of soul you have."

He was shaking his head, obviously in response to the soul comment. He would disagree with me on that count. He would never believe any other way.

"I love you. In any form. But what we have right now, is not healthy, for either of us. It will end up killing one or both of us. _And I will not take that chance with your life_."

"I have no life," he murmured softly, eyes still the black, crimson wall of isolation.

"You do and so do I. I'm making this decision... _without_ you, if I have to." I was struggling with this. I needed to finish quickly before I lost any semblance of strength in my veins.

"You're a _half_, no... a _shred_, of the Edward you used to be. Of the Edward I fell in love with. What you need to do now... is find him. Find him for me and bring him back before..."

I clenched my jaw, hot tears dripping off the end of my chin.

Wavering between begging him for forgiveness for even entertaining such thoughts and flat-out screaming at him for being so foolish to ruin everything, I tried to steady my mind.

"You were gone," I reminded him, my voice a ghostly cry, eerie in it's timbre.

"I never recovered because I couldn't let go. It's time for both of us to find who we are without each other."

"You can't leave me," he snapped, glaring with his hands clenched at his sides.

"I _can't_ leave..." I said, agreeing, my voice thick and quaking with my silenced sobs.

I breathed in deeply, a million scents of the world evaded me, sending me only the intoxicating allure of my love's.

I concentrated on it hard and opened my eyes.

"But _you_ can."

Something shifted behind his bloody irises. He looked at me, confused and bewildered, as if he hadn't believed what he heard from my mouth.

"Fix what you've become, so I can do the same."

In the end, I never really found what I was looking for in that jungle. The ancient and divine creatures that lurked the blackest pit of a natural abyss were all I discovered.

I never found Edward that day.

I found what he'd become.

I pretended nothing about him had changed because I couldn't bear the thought of being without him again.

However, now was the time to repair what was damaged.

After Edward was gone, I was battered, broken and alone. I lived like I didn't exist, and ultimately, I didn't. I was broken, I still was, but so was Edward. Before its permanent and before we destroy each other, we need time apart.

I'll find a way to close this door of my life, to end this chapter, and I hoped to God that he could too, so maybe we could reconcile.

Edward stood there, clouds in his eyes, turmoil and anger like the bitter tumultuous wrath of a furious storm. Wind whipped around us, his hair flicking against his face as he stared at me, brow furrowed, his mouth a hard, grim line.

I traced his face with my eyes, a stone angel with unnatural life force. He was the avenger, the warrior, the soldier, the son, the brother, the boy, the man, the best friend, the lover... the Vampire.

His hands were on my face then, brushing my hair away, cradling, gentle and apologetic. Begging.

"Don't... you don't have to do this. I... I can't. Just, no!" he pleaded desperately. "We'll make it better, I promise, but you don't have to make me leave!" he said hurriedly as I shook my head through his entire argument.

"This is happening—"

"No!"

"I have to—"

"But how can you? How can _I?" _he cried, hands moved swiftly back to his sides in hard fists.

I shivered at the loss of contact.

"Don't make me beg." He shook his head, eyes downcast before he closed them tight.

His jaw clenched and all the muscles in his shoulders and neck tensed and thickened, like he was suffering under an immense physical torture.

I covered my mouth with my hand, hating myself and what I was doing, but needing it to be done, regardless.

"Edward..." I shook my head.

"_PLEASE!"_ He shouted, causing me to jump with fright.

The forest went silent, as if everything was listening to that one word, cried out in anguish by a cold one.

"Please, Bella. Just... don't. I'll make it better, I'll fix this, please!" His hands were gripping his hair, close to tearing it out.

His fingers clawed lines down his face, visible like open wounds for a moment before they disappeared back into his marble flesh.

I could have screamed in terror, in agony. He was hurting himself, and I wanted him to stop before it drove me insane.

"Edward, stop it!" I sobbed.

He moved with speed, becoming a blur, until he was kneeling at my feet, his arms wrapping around my waist as he pressed his cheek to my stomach.

"Stop," it was a muted plea.

I breathed in deeply, sniffling. Like he was magnetic, my hands were compelled to tangle through his hair, silken bronze and copper, leeched of colour in the darkness.

"I'll do anything. Just ask, just tell me, please," he murmured against me, his face buried.

It was then that he became the vulnerable child in a world of wickedness.

"Bella, please... please... please—"

"_If you love me_…" I choked, closing my eyes as I wrenched my arms away from him, "you'll let me go."

One second passed and his arms were gone. He stood before me, staring at me as if I wasn't there, or as if nothing else around us existed. I don't know what hurt more, his pleading or his emotionless stare.

I found the strength to turn away, to push my way through, and to get back into my truck. I backed out, watching the road behind me before putting it into gear and moving forward.

I cheated myself and glanced out the review mirror—his figure barely discernible through the haze in my head, or the tears in my eyes—but the defeat was clear in his posture. As if he'd been pelted with daggers, he slouched slightly, falling ungracefully (and very humanly) to his knees. I sobbed out loud, almost unable to keep control of the steering wheel before I glanced back again.

He was gone.

* * *

BEFORE YOU DELETE ME from your favs or alerts, know that this had to happen for the greater good (*chants* The Greater Gooood!)

If it makes you feel any better, I like HEAs. :)


	13. Heavenly Plain

**Hey people; extremely sorry for the late-ass update. Please and thank you's go out to my Beta: Labeano2002 for her wicked skills.**

**Enjoy!**

**-birobird xo**

* * *

_"Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies"- Aristotle_

There was a dull, consistent throb inside of me. The part of my body that was confused and in agony; the part that knew something was gone, missing, lost.

There was no in between state of content. There was no salvation at all from the separation. There was no balance or freedom; just the emptiness, the absence of pressure. All that remained was me, alone.

I wouldn't call what I did to Edward as 'breaking up' or 'dumping'. Those words didn't seem to carry the weight of what I felt when I left him. A 'severance', sounded far more appropriate. But the pain did remind me of what love could do to you, what it cost.

I hated being this person; the girl who didn't have a life outside of her boyfriend. But what we had wasn't some superficial, temporary companionship. When I lost him, I lost all the Cullens, and an entire future with them. An eternal future.

* * *

~0~Two months later~0~

I hadn't spoken to Alice, or any of the Cullens for that matter. I didn't want to risk breaking my resolve. I was determined to put distance between us, and the life I thought I wanted. I needed to make sure that what they were offering was the same as what I wanted. But, most importantly, I needed to decide if Edward was right for me, and I for him. There was no point to eternity when we would only destroy each other.

I pensively watched the rain batter my window, a consistent tug in my chest with every chilled drop. I waited for Charlie to 'wake me up'. Every day, he would be at my bedroom door, knocking warily and opening it before snaking a timid glance at me, usually occupying the rocking chair that faced the window, or sitting upright in bed with owl-eyes. He probably wondered if I ever slept at all. I'm sure it was to make sure if I was still alive.

"Dad," I would say when he tried to rouse me from my funk. "It's nothing, and I mean that. There's _nothing._"

He hadn't understood yet, but I had a feeling he was going to crack with the added pressure of a second-round of comatose-Bella. This time, though, at least he knew, or thought, that Edward was not the source. Perhaps he'd think that this was a cycle I went through. Or, I was just imagining a Charlie who didn't pin every emotional affliction of his daughter, on her vampire lover. Not that he knew about the 'lover', or 'vampire' part.

I spun my cell phone in my hand, an idle, useless gadget that hadn't gotten used much this year, or last. Spare the odd call to Jacob from school. If I was at home, I'd usually use the home phone, and the call lasted a maximum of two minutes before one of us went in the direction of the other for some 'quality time'.

That was another strike to add to the list; I hadn't spoken to Jake, either. But I know he called. I just didn't return them, nor did I take the initiative to call anyone at all. It wasn't anything personal, not that I'd grown a general dislike for the entire world, and the people in it, just that I'd lost a spark that told me to go on.

Come to think of it, I don't know what ever drove me in the first place.

I dwelled a bit longer before the familiar routine of heavy booted footsteps echoed in the hallway, Charlie making his cursory inspection and goodbye before hopping off to work. I got dressed today, and walked out of the house. I forgot about the fact that it was pouring down buckets, and locked the house without an umbrella. I sighed as I stared at the weeping sky. Roughing it, I bolted to my truck, the metallic clank of the door slamming sort of jump started me into awareness. I sat there, wondering why I'd left the house at all, and just thinking about what to do with myself for the day. I turned the key in the ignition, and backed out into the empty street, already following the roads north before getting onto the freeway.

It was time that I stopped neglecting La Push.

* * *

~0~0~

"Dad, it's fine... no, push it the other way... you're going to snap the spokes. Just- let me." I could hear Jacob's bellowing voice from the front porch.

There was a grunt from inside the living room.

"God, Dad, lose a few, will ya?" he teased as I hesitated with my fist held up to the door.

"How about you pick up your crap and I won't have to get it stuck in my wheelchair? Hmm?"

Their banter sort of made me miss the easy, content days that Dad and I used to have. Now there was just an unbitten tension underlying every conversation and every glance. There was no cheerful atmosphere in the Swan house anymore. I felt utterly responsible and wondered how Charlie hadn't developed a stomach ulcer from all the angst I brought home with myself like a black cloud. I swallowed some bitter words and focused on the front door, the paint peeling from the wood and flaking on the porch. I tapped lightly at first before making a few firm knocks, waiting for someone to answer when I saw the dwarfing behemoth frame pulling the door back, my knuckles still suspended in the air. I did not expect to see exultance in the set of his mouth. It's possible I'd caught him on a day where he wasn't feeling murderously betrayed by the entire world, and his best friend. Perhaps he was going to forgive me for abandoning him when he'd begged almost on his knees for me to stay.

Maybe if I'd listened to him...

"Bells!" he crowed, engulfing my body into a double arm, triple rib-crush hug with a kiss on the cheek as a side.

"You came back!"

I couldn't help but feel jarred by his unexpected greeting, however, it did nothing to remove the smile from across my mouth, the muscles unused to such an action that the movement felt foreign to me.

I was thinking about it too much, and now my smile was probably lopsided, so I let it fall gradually into a pressed line as Jake ushered me inside the Black house, kicking clothes down the hall as he went, gathering a pile in a corner right before his bedroom door, which could have also been an accumulation of dust bunnies, as well.

I leaned against the door frame, not feeling as welcome in his private space as I once would have. I felt like this was the first time I was in his home with the way I was behaving. This place was my rehabilitation center, my make-shift wolf-pack rehab. And now I felt as if my rehab center had been demolished and replaced with one that was new and generic to me.

But then again, the funk I was in seemed to shade everything around me in grey, a permanent drizzle of colorlessness around me, infecting me like the plague.

"Where have you been, Bells?" Jake's tone was serious as he came to stand in front of me, as if in interrogation mode now that we were in the sanctity of his house and he could easily control the situation.

"You were gone for... how long has it even been?" he muttered, staring at my forehead before he let his eyes fall over the rest of me.

"Sometimes I lose track," I admitted slowly, giving him a small, apologetic smile, just to release a little tension from between us.

He sighed, and strode slowly into the kitchen, leaning back against the counter and folding his arms over his chest. The sunlight filtered through the window, warming the small house. I glanced at the window sill, the small pot of flowers wilting in the tepid heat.

I bit my lip as he opened his mouth again, his eyes a held a sort of aged concentration, and I felt his judgement as if I was on trial. Why was I being judged? If betrayal was a crime, then maybe.

In Jake's eyes, when I left, I betrayed him. I was beginning to notice the resigned slack in his shoulders, the loss of confidence, and the way in which he spoke. He was hurting, too. I may just be making it worse by being here.

"So, if you're here, then I'm guessing he didn't come back with you?" He tried to look nonchalant, but his hopeful eyes gave away his curiosity.

I looked around the room, avoiding his interrogating gaze. I dropped my eyes to my feet, fidgeting with the hem of my sweater as I waited in silence for a rebuttal.

I heard his scoff and I looked up guiltily.

He was shaking his head in disbelief.

"So, he's back?" his voice was darker, his eyes slitted as if challenging me to answer 'yes'.

"Not exactly... I... we... we're not... together," I tried to stammer out, my face getting hot.

Jake's eyes went extremely wide, his mouth parting in surprise. He also couldn't hide the elation on his face, although he tried to conceal it.

Then, as he considered it more, there was malice.

"I told you he wasn't worth it. You went back to him, and look what he did... again!" he looked up to the ceiling, as if beseeching God himself to agree with his words.

To get me to understand.

"No. I called it off," I responded acidly. "I wanted him to... recover. And, I needed to have some space." I explained.

"He gave you space. A whole god damned year of space." He murmured passively.

His voice was quiet, as if to give the illusion that he was backing down from his argument.

"Wait, so you broke up with him?" he asked, with one hand in the air in question, speaking as though he had only just realized what I'd said.

"Yes." I clarified slowly, painfully.

_But it hurts... oh, it hurts._

I breathed in, feeling a satisfying burn in my chest; it told me I was still here, but it also said that this pain would never fade. An undulating presence in my caged heart, an open wound weeping gallons of blood that would not clot.

Jacob's face looked somewhat triumphant, the searing victory in his brown irises made it almost impossible to watch. I hadn't stopped to think what my visit might signify to him.

It was too late to explain now, as he'd already advanced on me, his left hand to the small of my back, his right hand cupping my face. And my lonely heart was trapped, enveloped in a surging heat of unrequited love as he pressed his mouth to mine.

He was being careful, and gentle. Considerate, but with an edge of possessiveness and relief at his misguided thoughts of winning the game. I let him kiss me, and I shouldn't have. I thought that maybe if I did, I'd feel something. I thought that I could... change for him. But I didn't, and I can't. So there was really no point in punishing Jacob because my love was reserved for a Vampire. The kiss grew uncomfortable; something inside me broke. I felt like I wasn't only betraying Edward, but betraying myself. And the knowledge within me that said there was no way I'd settle for anyone else but him; even if he was the wrong choice. I pushed at his chest, indicating enough was enough. He gripped the nape of my neck.

"Jake—" I reeled backwards with my hand raised, ready to propel forward into his eye socket, but he let me go quickly.

"I'm sorry," he apologized with downcast eyes, a deep crease in his brow and heavy breath flowing from his lungs.

His lips were pink and wet as he looked up at me again, reaching a hand out to comfort me with a pat to the shoulder. I flinched back, not used to the subjection of contact. I just needed my own space for a moment. But my reaction flared his temper and he growled. Not a human, grunting growl. An animalistic, guttural noise that made me freeze on the spot.

"You're repulsed by me now? Come on, Bella! How is it that you can touch a dead man, but someone who's actually living and breathing? Why is the right choice always the wrong one for you? Huh?" he demanded, taking a sudden step forward, reiterating my previous thoughts.

I knew he wouldn't hurt me, but I instinctively took another hasty step backwards, collecting the corner of the table leg, my knee falling out from under me and my head colliding with the back of the chair, a hazy black film covering my eyes.

Hands under my arms lifted me up and shook me gently. My knees buckled under me, Jake's arms the only thing keeping me from forming into a puddle on the floor.

"Are you okay? Jesus, Bella! Are you hurt badly?" Jake's voice faded in from the recesses of the blank state I was in, until I could focus my eyes again.

The piercing throb in the back of my skull seared like a hot metal spike. I rubbed my hand over the tender area, feeling a patch of hot moisture where my head struck the wood. I sighed out exasperatedly, and somewhat exhaustedly, a salute to my calamitous moment as I regained some paced breathing. I grasped the back of the chair for stability as I stood up, feeling nothing but a slight wave and shift of the pain within my head, receding slightly like a tide, with only a sting lapping at the edges.

"I'm fine," I finally spat out, a little more curtly than necessary.

I maneuvered out from his grip and took a few steps toward the hallway.

"I'll just... go." And when I thought Jake was going to protest, he said something else. "Don't bother coming back."

I turned and looked up at him, shocked and more than a little affronted by his vindictiveness.

"We both know you probably won't anyway. You're done here; with this place, with me. I tried, but... you're not going to change." He sighed then and looked straight into me.

"I don't belong here, Jake," I confessed, freeing the very words that had threatened to be spoken from the moment I stepped onto the soil of La Push; the malignant truth for every wound it was worth.

I scratched my forefinger against the wall, the off-white paint becoming brittle with the age of the house, and how it caught the salty breeze from First Beach.

"Goodbye, Bella," he said quietly.

I smiled a little sadly, feeling our friendship coming to a close, the expiration of an experiment that was only meant to last temporarily.

"Sure, sure. Goodbye, Jacob."

* * *

~0~0~

I didn't know why I did it. I didn't know what I had hoped to achieve. Possibly some harsh words and the dredging up of piercing memories. Which is why I didn't understand what I was doing with my truck parked at the opening of the Cullen's drive.

I stared at my steering wheel; dead brown leaves finding their way onto my windshield with the lofty wind, staining the water brown as it wisped across the glass. I bit my lip, fighting the instinct to keep driving, the rational choice to let it go, to let _them_ go, let _Edward_ go.

I dropped my hands from the cracking plastic of the wheel, finding loose bits of clothing to clasp my hands around and tug at ineffectually.

I thought back to the loneliest day I'd spent since our separation.

Charlie had forced me to go to a party; ironic that a chief of police would encourage delinquency in his progeny. But when Jess and Angela called that afternoon to invite me, he ordered me to go, to release myself and loosen up a bit.

'But not too much', he added sternly.

I was pulled into a night at Port Angeles. Everyone from school was there, and I expected to at least absorb some of their happiness. I thought it would improve my mood and behavior. I'd arrived in the same car as Jess and Angela, after they picked me up from home. Out on the pier, there was a barbecue set up, surrounded by buckets of ice filled with what I assumed was no doubt, alcohol and soda. The sun flitted below the horizon across the ocean and we were cast in the post-day glow, bathing in the shadows to celebrate our freedom from an era of schooling and authority. It should have been liberating. A half-empty bottle of beer was palmed off on me, and as I cradled it between my chilled fingers, I walked to the end of the pier and watched as the sky grew completely dark, the colors leeching like diluted inks.

The rest of my graduating class were huddled into a modest group; fueling warmth by converging into a circle like arctic penguins. There was never a more symbolic moment. I was outside the circle of normalcy, of course that has been obvious for years. But even with dozens of people I know around me, I'd never felt more isolated and lonely. These people, Jess, Tyler, Mike, Angela; they were my friends, but they weren't my family.

My muscles jumped as I came back to reality, as if falling out of a lucid dream. I breathed out hard, groaning in resignation, because I knew I wouldn't leave until I saw them.

"I knew you'd come." Alice sighed, leaning on the door as she opened it wide.

I frowned and stepped inside; the house had a solemn feel to it now, the empty white walls so generic and plain to the sight. They used to look so lively, the whole house was not a house, but a home, despite the fact that nothing had physically changed.

It was just a presence, or _absence_, rather.

There was tension, it was thick in the air like a cloud of dust, hazing my sight of everything, making it hard to look at anyone.

But I felt a rough tug at my heart when Alice pulled me into a tight hug. It wasn't painful, but somehow it still hurt.

I hugged her back, fiercely, unsurprised to find my cheeks wet. I leaned my chin on her shoulder, Carlisle and Esme appearing in my line of sight. My heart flamed with forgotten affection for my beautiful Esme, forever lovely. She reached for me next once Alice grudgingly loosened her grip around my neck, but kept a firm arm around my waist, hugging me close like an excitable child, fond of her big sister.

This felt like an unofficial, make-shift reunion. I was the flighty daughter who rarely came back to visit; that thought reminded me of Renee.

Carlisle took my hand and squeezed it in a very human way before pulling me into a hug. If I weren't overcome by that, I was definitely shocking when Jasper picked me up in his arms and whispered something in my ear.

"I'm sorry."

My brows pulled together and my eyes stung as I clawed the back of his black sweater.

Once he pulled back, he touched his forefinger to my temple and smiled, almost sadly, then nodded as if in mutual understanding before retreating a few paces away from me. I stared at his golden eyes, tightened with the burden of my own pain, made raw by everyone else's. I pressed a hand to my chest, rubbing absently as tears tracked paths of weariness over my skin.

I sucked in a shuddering breath before attempting a smile of gratitude to their casual re-acceptance of me - the human, the girl who destroyed their son. My smile faltered and Esme planted a kiss on my cheek.

"We missed you, Bella," she murmured fondly. I had never seen Esme look so serious.

Emmett came bounding—silently—up to me, which would have been disconcerting if he was small, and I didn't notice him. Luckily he was as subtle as a flying brick, so I saw him coming. He scooped me up into the air, which any of them could have managed, but only Emmett had the exuberance to.

He patted my hair while Rose advanced on me. I stiffened out of instinct and she smirked.

I felt a cool shiver of unease when she put her arms around my shoulders. My eyes widened and Carlisle almost laughed at my reaction. All their touches were the same, Rose's still held an edge of hesitance, but she actually hugged me, made physical contact. She was accepting me, no matter what I'd done, she just showed me, that she cared.

My eyes were blurry and I unwittingly sagged against her, which she probably barely felt, but at which point my cheeks flamed in embarrassment. She squared her shoulders and pried my hands from around her back and handed me over to Alice again.

"I missed you, too… all of you." I looked each and every one of them in the eye, promising them without the oath of words.

There was still a climax to be reached, though. I didn't feel I was at the top, or that my heart was light. I still felt the heavy burden of stress and angst on my shoulders. However, The Cullens did manage to dissolve some of my self-loathe, that would explain why Jasper must have moved away, so he could get some breathing space from my erratic emotional turmoil.

I closed my eyes for a second and just... basked. I paused for a moment, reliving the past few years, the best in my life and felt the memories here and now, it was only the present that was tarnished. Everything else I had shared with these people, my family, more compassionate and human than I, was pure, elating and beautiful.

And I took a calming, serene breath, finally able to actually feel the satisfaction of being alive for another moment in the world.

"How is he?" I whispered, and they converged, guiding me to the living room.

I looked around at them as they took their respective seats, positioning themselves around the room according to rank, or, who were the most likely to explain, and know.

Alice sat right next to me, as did Carlisle and Esme while Rose, Emmett and Jasper sat on the opposing furniture.

"He left, Bella," Alice said softly.

I shuddered, feeling a nauseating sense of déjà vu when it came to the concept of Edward leaving.

"Where did he go?" I looked into her eyes, beseeching.

It was as if I was masochistic, as if knowing where he was suffering would make me feel better, when it would only make it more painful to know he was anywhere but here, where he should be, and where I shouldn't.

"I can't tell you."

I felt an irrational surge of anger.

"Why not? Did he tell you not to?" I demanded, a little too brashly.

She shook her head and my head immediately sagged in shame.

"It's just because he moves around a lot. I think he does it on purpose so he's completely alone and isolated from us, from everyone." She pursed her lips and looked to Jasper.

"He didn't want to make us suffer as well, but this time he promised not to do anything rash." His eyes were dark, as if threatening an invisible prey.

I wiped under my eyes, feeling them throb with the intensity of this conversation, despite the few words shared. I felt my nerves being shredded.

"But... how is he?" I pressed again, knowing they'd hesitate.

Alice paused and glanced at her make-shift parents.

"He's... getting... better." Esme nodded, looking to Carlisle for a confirming statement.

"Yes, he's been doing alright," he smiled tightly.

"The peculiar thing is, I haven't seen the visions again—of your untimely death." Alice added airily.

Esme gave her a pointed look as if admonishing her for lack of tact.

"Is he..." I sighed and just spat it out. "Is he still drinking human blood?"

"We don't think so... although it's hard to get a lock on him these days. And I promised to at least try to respect his privacy..." Alice said, worrying her lip with her razor sharp teeth.

"As long as he's doing fine," I said truthfully, but feeling the hollow cry of my heart object in my ears.

"I just... want to know that he's happy."

They were silent, and I could have sworn there was a flicker of disagreement on all their faces. Followed by a protective anger.

None spoke, until Rose did.

"Oh, cut the crap—"

"Rose!" Esme admonished.

"He's miserable! He's falling apart. He's only living in agony because he doesn't want to disappoint you!" she stressed, glaring at me.

I stood up with my mouth open and full of rebuttals but felt numb at the thought of defending myself. I could feel my throat get tight, and the looming breakdown that rolled over me like the ominous hue of a full moon rising.

My eyes glazed over, and I could see nothing but the front door, beckoning me with the offer of numbed solace and non-confronting truths.

I took it without a look behind me, before I shattered at their immortal feet.

I brandished my keys in front of me, searching for the right one before pelting my feet across the gravel to reach my rusty truck as the drizzle picked up and gradually began dropping heavy rain like this morning. I made a clumsy u-turn , curving down the mile-long driveway and back onto the highway.

Rain drops turned into horizontal streams across my windows, and sounded like crystal bullets on my windshield.

The nausea that was threatening to consume me reared up my throat, collecting every acidic thought with it until my eyes grew heavy, my head grew light, and the contradictory sensory overload provided a dark pocket of unconsciousness before I even had a chance to slow down.

* * *

~0~0~

I heard the thick crunching of metal, the screech and groaning; but the absence of rubber squealing against the road. It's because I hadn't tried to brake. Nothing to buffer the impending damage.

I wasn't even sure how fast I had been going; but the now, extremely present searing in the back of my head, indicated I had blacked out from hitting it earlier at Jake's house.

I had a concussion, and now, possibly more.

There were jolts, a hot burning sensation everywhere, the sound of rain sizzling against the heated metal hood and the smell of smoke, choking me, stinging my throat.

I was too tired to move.

Too tired.

Tired.

The car had most certainly stopped, so where was that crushing noise coming from? The cabin rattled and the truck shook, swaying as if it were a bending flower stalk in a strong wind.

I felt it rock on it's wheels before my body was being tugged away from the burning, the smoke, the pain and into a cold net of salvation.

"... Bella... Bella... Bella, fuck, Bella! Don't do this, don't do this. Stay with me, please? It gets worse every time, please, no. It can't happen this way—I got you, I got you, Bella..."

His voice roused me from my half sleep so I could see his eyes boring into mine with a strange intensity; a passionate rage, and a sliver of relief.

"I'm not going to die," I whispered in a raspy tone.

He had me cradled in his arms, his back turned to the road as he slowly dropped to his knees, lowering me into his lap.

I could breathe again and not because of the fresh air, but because there was a reason to.

"_I _would if I was able," He replied shakily, golden eyes, not red ones, watching me.

He breathed me in, and I stayed still, watching his eyes darken, but his face remaining the same until it looked like it had been wiped clean of calm, a dark cloud covering him.

"He's been around you, hasn't he? The dog?" he asked through clenched teeth, baring his teeth habitually, a low, consistent growl low in his chest.

"The wound you have on your head... it's new, but you didn't get it from the accident. What did he do?" he asked. "He got close, didn't he?" he grumbled lowly.

"I need you to take me to the hospital," I requested distantly, feeling the soreness of my limbs and the hot caress of blood rolling down from my head to my chin.

"Still so stubborn," he whispered with tight eyes and a sombre smile, a sentiment to his internal battles of sadness and the sudden rage boiling under his skin.

His hand hesitated over my face, afraid to touch, determined to feel, forbidden to break.

I watched with a hidden hurt as he dropped his hand and stood up again, a strong set to his jaw, a firm grip on me and the eyes of a battered soldier in a war of one.

"You were going fairly slow when you hit the tree, it must have taken you a while to veer off the road," he told me, his voice heavy with the words we wanted to hear from each other. "But I'm not taking any chances with you."

"How did you know I was in trouble?" I asked weakly, although I could have guessed his answer.

"I was hunting; and I heard the noise, and then picked up your scent from your wounds. Why didn't you let Alice or Carlisle drive you home?" he demanded desperately.

"I needed to get out of there..." I murmured, feeling my head lolling heavily against his arm.

"Hey, stay awake, please, please." He begged, touching his hand to my cheek.

We were running.

I tucked my face into the crook of his neck, the strong male, alluring scent of his skin made me miss him despite his proximity.

"It's real." I murmured into his skin as the lights of town approached.

"I know," he said, understanding exactly what I meant. "Nothing has ever been more real, more significant."

"How?" I challenged weakly.

"A man content to go to heaven alone, will never go to heaven. I have no interest in a life without you or an afterlife without you. If you asked a vampire what their biggest wish is; they'd say to live as a human, if just for one day. That would be..." he breathed deeply, staring into my eyes as if seeing that reality there. "...the ultimate prize... the most brilliant, beautiful gift."

But as he said it, his eyes blazed torrent of golden flames.

"Gun to your head, what would you say if someone offered you that?" I asked, staring up at his lovely face.

"But if someone offered me my human life back, to go back in time, without you, or the pain that came with you, there's no way I could accept such an empty existence."

* * *

~0~0~

I told him to leave. I told him to go home. I told him to be with his family, and to leave me here.

I was a fool.

Because the fool refused happiness and played with pain instead. My head was clouded with thoughts of his confession; his refusal to have a human life, his refusal to let go of the pain, all because he couldn't stand a reality in which I was not present.

Charlie waited for me to put my clothes back on when he came to get me later that night from the emergency room where I had refused to stay overnight.

"I think we should invest in some life insurance, Bells," he joked morbidly, although I could tell it was a defense mechanism.

He was truly shaken.

"Dad, I'm fine. The doctor's were great, the EMTs were... helpful." I lied about how I'd gotten to hospital, luckily he hadn't asked questions, "I'll be... alright." I promised him as we sat in the car, driving home through the directionless expanse of pine trees surrounding the freeway.

The glow from the dash bathed his skin in a greenish hue, and made him look ill.

"I sure hope so. You should think yourself lucky; I guess you have someone watching over you."

That caught me off guard, although it shouldn't have. Edward was there, always.

I looked out the window and thought, we weren't perfect, we weren't flawless; there was darkness in him and selfishness in me. I brought out a possessive, jealous, angry side to him, but the thing is, he was mine.

I was his, undoubtedly, and nothing had changed our minds.

No pain inflicted upon either of us, by the other would deter our paths from interceding. We walked side by side as lost souls that had found their way, hand in hand along a heavenly parallel plain.

Separation was dangerous for us both.

Like there was no physical way to put space between us, now that we'd found each other, it was impossible to make us forget.

I loved him so much that it was unhealthy, so much so that we would sacrifice ourselves for each other, so much so that we'd sacrifice others.

It wasn't perfect.

And that's why I wanted it back, because it was so beautifully imperfect, and mine.

There was no other way to live; and even if I lived for an eternity, there is only one Edward Cullen, and even with all the time I would have, I would never find another. I was sure all along, that by letting him go, I was to test the waters of singularity in the normal world. But the taste of it was bitter and unfulfilling. It was greedy, but I wanted something better.

I wanted the pain, the danger, the fear; I wanted all the bad, if it meant all the good: A love, a life, my Edward and my family, forever.

These two months were a night of dark in comparison to the centuries of ethereality that I could have if I have him. And even if I died before I became one of them, I knew that I'd made the right decision and with that, my soul would lie in wait for the half of it that lingered on earth.

"Oh, shit!" Charlie swore, slamming on the brakes as my heart jumped through my throat and I almost puked with only having just gone through a traumatic experience hours earlier.

"What? What?" I cried out, shocked, as I put a palm to my thundering heart.

Charlie pulled his cruiser to the shoulder of the dark road, opening the door before he grabbed his shotgun from the holder.

"Didn't you see it? It was one of those bears. Stay in the car," he ordered, slamming the door shut behind him as he held the gun up to eye level, pointing it in between the trees.

My heart slammed away in my rib cage.

Bears? The wolves! Charlie was going to kill—

He pulled the trigger and I gasped uncontrollably. There was a shudder and gust of wind outside, I felt the car jolt slightly and my heart was about to exhaust itself with it's thunderous beat. There was slow hissing noise and Charlie frowned, looking around to his side of the car, the front right tyre.

He swore to himself and opened the door again, ducking his head inside and popping the trunk.

"What's going on?" I asked shuddering.

"Tire's flat. Either I hit a pot hole, or someone slashed it back at the hospital." He grunted. "Little bastards." He muttered to himself as an after-thought.

"You wanna give me a hand, Bells? Can you come here and hold the flashlight for me?"

I grasped the door handle, steeled myself, and got out, closing the door and feeling the gusts of wind seep into my bones like a cold burning sensation.

"Here," Charlie offered me the heavy black flashlight as he sat down on the blacktop, a small red metal box opened in front of him, a greasy tire iron in his hand.

I looked around me, my eye catching something in the distance. I stared at that exact spot for an amount of time, my eyes stinging as I refused to blink in case I missed it.

There was someone there.

I kept watching, my eyes never straying until Charlie grunted at me that I was lowering the flashlight. I apologized and looked behind me instead, on the opposite side of the road.

I dropped the torch with a gasp; the bulb exploding.


	14. Don't Stop

Yeah, I'll just beg for mercy about how LATE this update is, and hope you haven't lost faith in meh. Hope you like it, although its unbeta'd.

Muse for this chapter was;

Marchin On- One republic.

* * *

~0~EPOV~0~

I have billions of memories in my head. I've travelled the entire world, the dark places, and the light. I have carried a plethora of foreign thoughts, a stranger's despair, and unrequited love. I have experienced the most horrendous depression, leaking into my system and webbing around my heart like a dozen poisonous spiders. Their muddy, acrid venom polluting my mind. Sometimes I had trouble separating my own thoughts from another person's.

I could forget myself and fall into a pit of another man's sadness, rage; an old woman's grief; an abused child's despair. I watched their lives in my mind, flitting through the images that made a person. I watched them over and compared them to my own life. I imagined my long, but horridly shallow existence to pale in comparison to a normal human's experiences.

However, I couldn't delve into my memories of Bella (explicit and perfect, as vivid as the red of a rose) without feeling I'd had one of the most significant lives ever. I found in Bella, what many people search for and live eternity without.

I hopelessly stood under the lonely minority that lost their life's treasure.

Like the evil I was, the selfish, loathsome creature I'd become in these deathless decades; I pursued a lovely girl, a delicate, fierce, innately _good_ human. An entity that embodied everything it was to be human. The stubbornness, the tenacity, the kindness, and the ability to love and feel pain; Bella was all and more. I fell in love with my exact opposite, the very person I didn't deserve, and the very person that would challenge everything I believed in for over a century.

These reasons are exactly why I let her go the last time, despite the fact that it killed me and why I let her leave this time, with the knowledge that _I_ would never recover.

"_I f you love me,_" Bella ground out between her teeth as I begged and pleaded with her. "you'll let me go." Her arms had been wrenched away from me, as if by force.

But when I looked up into her eyes, I saw the resolve, the ugly resentment replacing the devotion in which she once saw to me with.

Horrifyingly, I still saw love in her eyes, love, and respect. Decidedly, I released her from my grasp. I let go what I held most important. My hands, inhuman and like the claws of death themselves, were weakened by her words. I felt brittle and selfish.

She made herself clear, and I'd finally accomplished what I'd set out to do. I wanted what was best for her, and that was not to be with me. She deserved belonging, life, and extraordinary opportunity. Bella, for all I wished, hoped, and prayed for, was to start over properly.

_This is what you wanted_, a taunting, androgynous whisper inside my head. _You got what you wanted._

I was back on my own feet, leaning on nothing but the remnants of endurable physical strength to keep me standing. Bella stared at me for a moment, her teeth worrying her lip as if she might actually bite through the tender skin. Her eyes, wondrously pure windows of light, were tainted with the pound of flesh I'd stolen. I was a black hole of time in her life; I couldn't give what I'd taken. I saw her break in front of me and relished in the onslaught of pain that was mirrored within my own heart. I didn't look away; I deserved to witness the damage I caused.

There was that snap, that splintering of glass between her mind and heart, that cracking of her soul, caused by the irreparable thoughtlessness of me, and me alone.

She turned away, trudging clumsily back to her truck, and pulling herself inside.

I made sure she was driving away before I let my body lose control. Peculiarly numb and detached from myself, as if I was watching from someone else's perspective, my knees buckled and collided with the gravelly drive, my head falling into my hands as if to empty it of the unbearable pain.

_When will you learn?_ The voice taunted again, hardened and clipped. _You are not worthy, never have been, and have no hope to become so._

I got back up to my feet, delirious and far from lucidity. I frowned to myself, as if I'd forgotten the last hour of my life, and wondered where I was, and how I'd gotten here.

I don't remember, or, more stubbornly, I choose to ignore reality, for all the agony that comes with it.

A hysterical chuckled escapes my lips as I shake myself of this stupor, realising that I've imagined Bella's conversation. Yes, certainly I would be sure if something like _that_ had happened.

I looked down at myself, the knees of my jeans were slightly torn and dirty, covered with the greyish dust of the driveway, and slightly damp with the residue of a previous night's rain. I absently stroked the material with my fingers, straightened, and then began a slow, human pace back up to the house.

The white weatherboard rose from the darkness like an unmistakable tomb. Why did it feel so foreboding? How is it that I suddenly felt the pull of urgency, or perhaps the absence of it? Why was I so full of self-assured, unanswered questions? Why couldn't I answer to my own mind?

And, lastly, why did every movement I made feel stupidly irrelevant, naive and useless?

I laughed to myself, a cursory mark of the impenetrable mind disclosed in the surprisingly lonely, often serene cloak of madness.

I opened the front door, confronted with an eerily silent living room, the inaudible presence of my family rebounded off the walls and sunk into me like bullet shards.

I closed the door behind me, the catch moving into place with a soft, resolute 'click', making my movements as clear to my family, as it would be to humans if I'd slammed the door shut. I felt as if I was walking across hot coals, "walking the plank" with blistered feet, stepping over glass with bare flesh, walking death row in a forgotten life; a dead man walking in the wrong shoes, miles from where I belonged.

"Edward," came a whisper from over my shoulder.

"Alice?" Her name in my mouth became a question.

Her face held a bizarre reverence, a solemnity reserved for the grieving. I refused to believe, to register the facts.

"Edward, I'm so sorry." She went on, oblivious to my confusion.

Or, perhaps she expected it, and was extending a hand not in condescension, but to tie me to acceptance.

_I'm so sorry, about Bella._

Her thoughts echoed her verbal sentiment.

Bella? What about Bella? Why was she sorry for? The truth was dawning like heat on the horizon.

I breathed a laugh.

"What's wrong with you, Alice? What are you talking about?"

Her perplexed face shone back at mine, as I heard Jasper, Carlisle, Esme, Rose, and Emmett enter the room.

_We all saw what happened. We all heard it._

Her mind replayed the images viewed out of the second story window, as they eavesdropped on us. I shied away from them, turning my head away in a wince as if not looking at her would stop them from invading my mind, it would make them cease to be real.

Jasper's hand came down on my shoulder, his features mixing and tensing as he focussed on my emotional frequency.

_Denial_. His internal voice stated simply.

I swallowed hard, my efforts of oblivion and ignorance slowly crumbling under their pitying gazes. I looked around at them all, circling me. They stood as though they were looking down at an injured animal, a dying beast; they watched as I suffocated, as I sucked in my last breaths, desperate for reprieve, for life, for mercy from the coming blackness.

"What's wrong with all of you?" I raised my voice.

I narrowed my eyes, glaring at all of them, accusing them with my stares.

_She's gone...She left...No more...It's all done now...Stop denying, it'll make it worse...He's losing it now—should have done something—what now?—She's gone now. Gone. No more Bella. She left us. She left him...Poor Edward...My sweetheart—_

"Shut up!" I bellowed at them, gripping the sides of my head in my hands.

Their thoughts clogging my mind, stuffing my ears and cutting me open with the acidic truth in them. I knew they couldn't stop themselves from thinking, and I knew they knew how much it hurt me, how much I hated it; but their thoughts were of worry for me, of regret, of sympathy.

_If you love me, you'll let me go._

I yelled out, unintelligible screams of rage, of fear, while I closed my eyes tight, blocking out the world.

_...gone insane—how can we fix what she broke?—nothing left for him now...been a better person. Too late for him...not right...was never going to end well...now theres just nothing, nothing at all—for the love of God...he's been ruined forever, once we mate, we mate for life. The same may not be said for humans..._

"Stop!" I shouted.

I turned to Alice and held my hands up to her, in a sort of form of begging.

"Alice...what's happening to me? Why are you—what's wrong with you guys?" I choked.

She looked into my eyes, her thoughts flitting between scenes of the past few years; I struck my hand out to the side, collecting the glass coffee table sitting against the wall.

"Don't bullshit me, Alice. Straight and honest." I growled.

Her eyebrows rose and formed a crease in her forehead, a sorry frown of sadness.

_She's gone._

"Who?"

Bella's face appeared in her mind, different expressions, thousands of memories.

"Don't be ridiculous, I was with her this morning. I'm going to see her again later, I will." I assured her, nodding my head vigorously.

"Edward—" she murmured softly, placing her hand on my forearm.

I realised my family had surrounded me—what, did they think I was going to harm Alice? I wasn't unhinged...

"No, Alice, you're wrong. You're visions are wrong, that's not going to happen." I argued, shaking my head now.

Her mouth closed and stretched into a grim line.

_They aren't visions, Edward. Think about it. Realise the truth. Remember what you're blocking out._

"No."

_Bella left, not half an hour ago. You were there. She told you goodbye. She left you this time. You got what you wanted. Bella Swan is gone._

I could see in Alice's mind, that she felt a hint of malice, a glimmer of satisfaction in my condition, in her mind, I'd lost my mate, but she'd also lost a sister.

I looked at her in shock; my mind block becoming a disintegrating barrier of madness. And then I watched them all converge as I realised I was sliding down to the floor, an insane mess of hysteria.

"No, Bella—"

_You got what you wanted._

"Bella," I felt their hands on me, coaxing me to stand, trying to get me to calm down.

_You got what you wanted._

Their thoughts were a piercing siren inside my ears, splitting, shattering, accusing and condemning.

_You got what you wanted._

"Kill me." I breathed.

_You got what you wanted._

They all glanced at one another in concerned helplessness.

_You got what you wanted._

I watched distantly as Jasper fled the room, a sinking, intensity to his eyes and posture. A fearsome brokenness in the depths of his conscious, my break down proving to be too much for him to handle.

They all tried to apprehend me, as if I was a criminal, before I struggled free, pulling the front door off its hinges, and staring out into nothing. I felt them grab me from behind; I spun, darting between them and into the dining room. I roared with hurt and an unquenched need to destroy myself.

"No!" I screamed

I threw everything I could lay my hands on, glass shattering around me, an acute replication of my own personal destruction. My shoes crunched over it before I lifted Esme's dining room table into my hands, holding it threateningly above my head, intending to hurl it outside before I went about setting the house on fire.

"No!" I yelled, again.

I caught a glimpse of Esme's face, astonished, scared, and sad in the wake of my behaviour. I swallowed loudly, slowly lowering the table and placing it carefully back in its place.

I pressed my hand to the cold wood in defeat, and they converged around me again, but this time I was spent. I felt the cold beneath my feet, felt the wrongness of the situation grip me, entwine me, strangle me.

I let myself fall to the floor, sprawled flat against the wooden surface, staring up. Once they realised I wasn't going to fight them anymore, they loosened their grips and just stared. I saw in their minds, what I must have looked like to Bella. A horrifying mask of death overlaying the strict, loyal Edward that even I didn't know where to find.

"She's...actually...gone." the words tasted foreign and bitter in my mouth.

_You got what you wanted. _My mind sullenly echoed.

"Yes, my son." Carlisle answered.

_You got what you wanted._

I closed my eyes.

_You got what you wanted._

~0~0~ Two weeks later ~0~0~

I move in silence. I wake no man, no animal, no beast. I remain the quiet drifting entity of a forest that remains dense with life, but scarce of people.

I have no real freedom; I own it, in the conventional sense of the word. No man constrains me, but I'm trapped in the bitter solitude of my own doings.

I stalk a mountain lion a small ways up a rocky cliff; his eyes are luminescent, amber globes shining like beacons in the night. I hunt animals, I run, I watch. For now, this is all my existence consists of. That, and the unending thoughts of Bella running rampant through my mind.

I try to shake my pain, loosen myself of it like it was a dust clinging to my skin. I crouch, making no noise to disturb my prey, my hands digging into the soil at my feet like talons. I prepare myself, my body coiling in anticipation. The moon is barely present tonight; I feel even the elements shy away from me, the sun, the moon...

As if they refuse to cast light on the eternally dark. The trees provided a thick cover of darkness, a veil of deception to which I could not be deprived, until I lunged on my prey, sharp fangs into soft flesh.

But when I tried to glug down an antidote to my agony, I realised there was no amount of bloodshed that would cure it. Nothing more than better would suffice for Bella. That's all I wanted to give her.

I wondered to myself, in what world would I be better? In what universe would _I_ suffice? But, of course, that is simply the question I've been asking myself for as long as I've known Bella, as long as I've loved her. Why I ask myself these questions of self-worth, is it in the hopes of conquering these unconquerable demons? Or, is it perhaps, a basic human trepidation. Is it fear that stopped me from being the best?

This unattainable standard that I keep setting; I must have known, subconsciously, that I would never reach an acceptable level. I must have known, that's why I decided before trying, that I wasn't enough, that I never will be.

I realised, that it isn't the moon, or the sun that refuse to shine on me, it is I who hides in the shadows of my own self-retribution, too scared to seek the light that I promised myself I didn't deserve.

That's why I made the decision for both of us, that's why I decided to leave, and that's why I've lost her forever. I fed off of humans, for the first time in decades, to prove what purpose? That love can create monsters? Or that I thought I knew I'd be responsible for Bella's demise, and the quickest way to remedy that future, was to remove the danger that I was? And without doing something horrid, it would be impossible to make her let me go. I had to make her hate me; I had to ignore my humanity, destroy it, destroy us, so I wouldn't potentially destroy _her._

I killed.

~0~0~0~

I have been floating around Washington for a while, If I hadn't been consumed with worry for Bella, I'd lose track of time completely, and would have no inclination to remain within reach of Forks. I stayed close, too close to heal, but always too far for me to feel consoled.

Not that I deserved to be, of course. I merely wanted to ensure Bella Swan's safety. I had promised; I would not interfere with her life, like she also wanted, but I wouldn't sit by idly when she was vulnerable by herself. I knew with certainty that my family wouldn't let anything happen to her, but I also wouldn't feel relief if I wasn't protecting her myself, defending her with my own two hands.

Although, I do believe she does a good job of that, herself. And if we were in any other universe where my kind, or some derivative of our fantastical world of supernatural creatures, didn't exist, she wouldn't require my protection or help. She, herself, would be an adequate person to take care of her safety. Except for one thing, the only flaw she possessed in that instance, was her inability to protect herself from her own actions.

I guess we were both faulty in that aspect.

But my priority wasn't my own safety, it was hers, because without Bella Swan, there was no purpose for Edward Cullen. I just didn't see the value, nor the appeal that life once, so vaguely, did.

So, as I traversed the highway leading directly to Forks, and all the way through the town centre, I could honestly say that I felt my purpose being dragged away along with the truck careening off of the road. I stopped mid-stride at the noise, my head whipping around until I registered there must be someone that fell asleep at the wheel. I ducked out from behind the dense line of trees that surrounded the road, my eyes falling grimly upon the rusted Chevy swiftly losing control in the direction of a heavy pine tree. Moments felt frozen, ice sliding sluggishly against ice, then being thrust back into real speed at the blink of an eye.

Shocked as I was, I calculated my movements, circling around the truck until I got a hold of the tray, digging my heels into the ground as I tried to stop it with my own strength and weight. It slowed slightly, swerving. I realised with sickening horror that Bella was completely unconscious, and hadn't just fallen asleep. I smelled blood, before I could see it.

"Fuck!" I snarled, gritting my teeth as I tried to reign in her vehicle like it was a monstrous, live beast.

"Bella!" I shouted in despair.

I fought against my feelings of inadequacy; the voice that said I wasn't good enough, wasn't strong enough, will never have the ability to save what I hold most valuable. The truck was winning, the hood and the windshield creating a deafening metallic tune against the tree it collided with.

It was too late to prevent, now it was damage control.

Gripping the crumpled door with all the force I could muster, I tore the entire mangled panel from the frame of the car, almost turning it to dust. I threw it out of the way, my eyes intent on Bella, doing a visual inventory of her injuries. There was only so much I could catalogue with what I saw, I needed to get her out of there. She was pressed up against the dash, her body arched over it; if the truck had been going any faster, she would have gone through the glass, and possibly onto the road.

I shuddered, horrified at the thought.

"Bella." I grunted, prising the wreck away from her body in case her legs were pinned.

The engine was smoking, and I could smell fuel leaking; a fire had already sparked, and I was quite sure it was melting the plastic that was partially encasing Bella. I had to remove her, I smelt the denim of her jeans getting singed. I acted quickly, quicker than I thought, even for a Vampire to achieve.

But I'd be damned if I watched her get any more hurt.

I managed to free her limbs, and I could have sobbed in relief as her arms fell almost reflexively around my shoulders. I backed away slowly, turning around and running to a safe distance. I'd thought I had lost her again; it wasn't enough to bear the fear of losing someone so important to you just once, I had to carry this pain, this memory forever, never forgetting another time I had almost failed, another time I'd almost died again.

It may have sounded melodramatic; it was, after all, a minor car accident. But the situation, being there, the dynamics, the small detail, is not what you think about. I thought about the worst. For Bella, the worst has always come to fruition, leaving me at the mercy of luck and chance, and possibility. I hated relying on something besides myself, besides her. It left me feeling weak and defeated, a small, inconsequential man with no hand to effect the course of intervention.

Death could take her so easily in it's hands; she would depart this life not as an old woman, seeking serenity in passing, but a young tragedy, the front page of a local paper before the world forgets the loss of another soul taken too soon.

I felt as if she would slip away from me; forces beyond my reach are always threatening to claim her, like a divine order, a celestial court of apparitions, their arms outstretched, entwined in her hair, beckoning the life from beneath her skin.

"...Bella...Bella...Bella, fuck! Bella! Don't do this, don't do this! Stay with me, please?" I begged. "It gets worse every time, please, no. It can't happen this way—I got you, I got you, Bella..." I chanted, insanity preaching.

"I'm not going to die," she rasped, and I shook with relief, trying not to let my face betray how shattered I was.

Hearing her voice made me lose it, I let out a shaky breath and dropped to my knees, her body cradled safely in my arms.

She's not going to die.

"_I _would if I was able," I countered morbidly.

I let myself lavish in her scent, warm, but with a noticeable hue of something foreign, but disgustingly familiar. Wolf.

"He's been around you, hasn't he? The dog?" I muttered through clenched teeth, attempting to reign in the groundbreaking rage rippling through me, a blisteringly cold urge swimming in the depths of my mind.

I realised I'd bared my teeth, a habit, when I thought of a threat; there was a steady growl building in my chest at the idea of the mutt anywhere near Bella.

I was simultaneously piecing things together while my anger pounded hotly.

"The wound you have on your head...it's new, but you didn't get it from the accident. What did he do?" I pressed, feeling triumphant that I'd guessed correctly, given the expression she was giving me, but also another foreboding torrent of fury, glazing over the top of everything else.

"He got close," I stated first, then decided to let her answer, rather than expect I was right. "Didn't he?" I added.

"I need you to take me to the hospital." She requested airily, and I cursed myself for not doing so immediately.

I had been so caught up in having her here, something material, substantial, in my arms.

"Still so stubborn," I commented anyway.

Blood rolled down the side of her face, cresting on her chin before it was about to drip onto her chest. I hesitated with my hand over it, terrified of the implications of making such a move.

I let it drop, in case she was opposed to letting me touch her in such an intimate way. I stood up, holding her close to my chest, where she belonged, close to my heart, where she fit.

"You were going fairly slow when you hit the tree, it must have taken you a while to veer off the road." I told her. "But, I'm not taking any chances with you." I vowed.

"How did you know I was in trouble?"

Good question.

"I was hunting; and I heard the noise, and then picked up your scent from your wounds. Why didn't you let Alice or Carlisle drive you home?" I demanded angrily.

"I needed to get out of there..." Typical Bella response, little to no regard for her own physical well-being.

She sounded distant, too, like she was only partially conscious, her mind wandering to a place absent of time and pain. Her head lolled against my arm, and I repositioned her slightly so her head leaned against my shoulder, her face in my neck.

"Hey, stay awake, please, please." I touched my hand to her cheek, boundaries be fucked.

I started running.

She tucked her face deeper into he crook of my neck, and I felt so powerful now she was here, now she had me.

We were nearing the town limits, lights were visible, and we were closing in on the local hospital. Scarcely equipped for complex illnesses, but sufficient to care for an emergency case like Bella's.

"It's real," she whispered into my skin.

I bit down onto my tongue, knowing exactly what she was talking about.

"I know...Nothing has ever been more real, more significant." I said honestly.

I couldn't call it anything less than it was.

"How?" she questioned in a small, cracking voice.

"A man content to go to heaven alone, will never go to heaven. I have no interest in a life without you, or an afterlife without you. If you asked a Vampire what their biggest wish is; they'd say to live as a human, if just for one day. That would be..." I breathed deeply, understanding the appeal. "...the ultimate prize... the most brilliant, beautiful gift."

Her eyes were wide, contemplative.

"Gun to your head, what would you say if someone offered you that?" she asked, and I could tell that everything weighed on this question.

I just wasn't sure if my answer was the one she wanted to hear.

"But if someone offered me my human life back, to go back in time, without you, or the pain that came with you, there's no way I could accept such an empty existence."

~0~

She'd told me to go home. To go back to my family.

Sometimes I wondered if she was intentionally oblivious to my intentions, to my desires. I didn't wish to be away from her, surely she knew that.

I'd have time for my family; I've had time for them for years.

I needed to clear up the murky water we were drowning in. I needed to pull us both back up to the surface, to make this last, before the weight of these bitter unsaid words dragged us back down beneath our reality.

I followed Charlie's cruiser as he zoomed down town to the hospital, having just heard of Bella's condition. I watched, and waited for hours until she was released.

I would have liked her to be kept there for longer.

I started running along with their car, keeping out of sight behind the cloak of spruces, pines and fir trees along the road.

A scent hit me.

So fast, that I almost thought I'd imagined it.

I then heard the definitive braking of Charlie's car. He got out of the car, shot gun poised to a space just a few feet north of where I stood. I paused, positioning myself so I could inspect the area surrounding them, a make-shift surveillance officer.

I spotted the animal he'd just noticed before he fired a shot at it. My eyes widened; it was an enormous Jaguar. The South American version of the wolf shifters from the Pacific North West. It slumped to the ground, easily taken down by a single shot. I had no doubt he would heal in an accelerated manner...

A soft giggle drifted through the air, only just perceptible to my ears.

It was impossible—how could they have found us? It suddenly all made sense. Alice could have never pin-pointed any outcome of Bella's death. All our futures were disappearing; and it's because of the Jaguars. The block they created in Alice's premonitions, their natural defence against enemies; it caused a void, an empty space to which they had unintentionally made. Their involvement only made it worse for us.

The only reason the Jaguars could be interfering, is because they were in pursuit of...

"Luiza," I growled, low and quiet.

A pop resounded through the silence.

I frowned as I glanced at Charlie and Bella banter, preparing to fix a blown tyre. Charlie spoke of the possibility that someone has slashed it, most likely give the stigma of him being a policeman. The chief. Luiza must have stuck the car as she ran past, taunting them, playing with them.

I heard her mind.

_Oh, Edward...you just couldn't stay away..._

Bella's face as she remembered it in Ecuador, tear streaked, bloody and covered with dirt. Distressed. She liked it.

Fury tore through my core.

Amusement in her thoughts. A new stream of consciousness invaded mine, and I realised she wasn't alone.

_I promised I'd never let her be_. A softly spoken purr issued from this second person—Gabriel.

The Ecuadorian coven were here; and I wasn't prepared.

I ran to where I heard them, laughing quietly together.

_When were you going to let us know you're a telepath? Foolish, Edward...Very foolish..._

He appeared beside the cruiser, eyes blood red, merciless globes of death staring intently on Bella. She looked up from the tyre, dropping her flashlight with a gasp.

Terror.

I made no noise, I lunged with pure speed and agility, as I flew towards him, I lifted my knee, thrusting it violently into his sternum, his body driven into the ground like a shovel. I twisted his arm around unnaturally, the limb breaking off, a scream erupting from his lips, his mouth twisted with mirth.

Luiza advanced on me, preparing to take Bella. We stayed behind the cover of trees, our battle concealed to the fragile humans on the other side. But I could feel the anxiety in Charlie's mind; the noises in the forest were most unsettling. Out here in the woods; it sounded like someone was getting murdered. He also didn't want Bella to be around any such situation.

Nor did I.

Releasing Gabriel, my arm shot out in Luiza's path. I wrapped it swiftly around her neck, creating a choke hold while my other hand came around the other side of her head, flicking in opposite directions; a crack resounded as I decapitated her, her pallid face gazing dismally skyward.

As Gabriel attempted another advancement on _my human_, I heard Charlie finishing up with the new tyre, the car doors slamming in unison before rubber screeched against the blacktop, a billowing smoke emptied into the air as the car sped off. He tried to resume a pirsuit of her.

"If you _touch_ her—"

"You'll what?" he chuckled, distancing himself so he wasn't immedeately prone to my offences.

I was tensely positioned, my feet planted apart and my hands fisted at my sides; desiring nothing more than to annihilate this soulless, canniving beast. I knew he was in pain, and there is no possible way he could defeat me, when he was missing his arm. He knew better than to take that chance. I also knew better than to let him het away; but I'd underestimated his speed in comparison to mine.

I was fast. He was faster.

He also decided to taunt me as he fled. He was like James, he liked the game, but tedious, repetitive situations would have grown old on him over the centuries. It was bizarre to find a human so fiercely protected by one of our kind. Usually, we were selfish, nomadic and independant creatures. The fact that we strayed from the norm only made us more appealing. That, and I realised how appealing Bella's blood had been to Gabriel. It wasn't only that he wanted to exact revenge on me for maiming him on his own territory after he'd adopted me into his coven, it wasn't only the sick pleasure he'd reap from this game to make me lose my mate; he also craved a taste.

Bella had exposed her blood to him, raw and inviting on the night we escaped Ecuador. That's when it all came toppling down to a single drive in his mind.

Gabriel was going to drain her.

_She's mine, now._ Was his last fleeting thought as his trail vanished, his scent thinning and disappearing.

"Son of a bitch!" I roared, my balled fist colliding harshly with a tree trunk; the bark disintegrating under my touch while the entire thing shuddered with the force of my hand.

I thrust my hands through my hair, outraged.

I'd let him get too close tonight.

I took off for Bella's house; despising the fact that I'd so easily and so quickly put her in harm's way for what had to be the billionth time.

I paused out the front of her house, stalking movement from within the walls, and decided to drop in on Charlie's conscious. I searched for his familiar pitch and waves, but came across nothing from within the house's weatherboard walls.

The cruiser was gone, but I also heard and sensed Bella's heartbeat. I zoned in on the second story bedroom she occupied, and grew startlingly anxious at the rate her heart was thumping. Was she in danger?

I scaled the wall outside her bedroom, and to my surprise, the window was already opened. I slid in, languidly but unfortunately, not unnoticed. I had interrupted Bella's pacing. She had frozen mid-step, her nails chewed to the quick on one hand while the other was nervously tugging on her sleeve.

"Bella." I sighed.

~0~0~BPOV~0~0~

I couldn't handle the suspense, the worry. There were _two_ of them! Two other vampires, and because the wolves were involved, or so it seemed, his family wouldn't have seen, therefore had been unable to help him. The moment Charlie dropped me off at home, I raced upstairs, searching for my cellphone. I tried to turn on the lights as I went, climbing the stairs very hazardously in the dark. I flicked switches and was met with simply more darkness.

"Fuck!" I growled.

So the power was out!

I quickly realised it was still in my truck, totalled, by the side of the road, and probably flooded with Fork's downpour.

I fisted my hand and punched the wall in frustration. I couldn't use the home phone; my cellphone was gone, and Edward might be dead.

I shook my head, and beat my fists against either side, above my ears. If I started imagingin things now, I'd never be sane enough to get help from the Cullens. I began pacing up and down the floor, practically wearing holes in the wooden panels with all my distressed striding until something moved out of the corner of my eye.

My mouth popped open in shock as I froze, Edward standing before me.

"Bella." He sighed, and it sounded relieved.

What do you say to someone at a time like this? That you were so worried, that you love them, that you had wished everything would be okay?

Instead, I could only say his name, because it felt like ambrosia to my lips, my tongue.

"Edward," it came out a sob.

He did not approach me, so I thought, for once, it was my turn to move.

He was standing on the other side of my bed, and the distance was pain. I shakily hopped up onto my bed, and leapt from the edge, his arms catching me effortlessly. I wrapped my arms around his shoulders, and my legs around his waist.

"Edward," I choked, burying my face in his neck. "Edward."

He tangled his fingers through my hair, holding me so tightly; I could feel the tremor in his body, like the motion of crying.

"Bella." His voice was strained.

Our embrace was fierce and tight, wrapping ourselves up in eachother so I could barely breathe. I gripped him so hard, too afraid to lose grip and fall into the unknowable forgotten space without Edward.

I pulled my face back, pulling his mouth to mine passionately, and without hesitation that it caught him by obvious surprise.

"Bella, I won't stop." He warned against my lips.

I seperated mine, his tongue sweeping against them before plunging into my mouth, so poisonously sweet and icy.

His hands gripped my thighs, squeezing in another warning as I rubbed my centre against him.

"I don't want you to stop."

He pinned me down onto the bed, I gasped, and my clothes were torn off my body in several fluid motions.

His hands were gripping my hips, raising them off the mattress in one swift movement. His right hand, large and posessing was flat against my stomach. My hands reached behind him, squeezing his ass and pulling him closer. He pushed into me, pausing to let me accomodate to his size. I breathed out and nodded, my mouth wide open and my eyes trained on his eyes.

Everything in them shouted_ mine, mine, MINE._


	15. Apology

_I'm not even going to try to apologise. How late is this update? About a year or two? WHATTT. It's bad, I know. But here you go._

_And because it's been so long, please forgive me about the writing. IT'S BEEN HARD TO GET BACK INTO THE PLOT. omg._

* * *

My body knew his body, so closely it was as if this union was destined from the moment we were created. We came into this world almost a century apart, and yet we came together in a timeless splendour. No barrier of time or space could dispute that we were made for each other. It was preordained before we'd even been aware.

I couldn't fathom letting another man in my bed, nor could I stomach the thought of Edward touching, loving, and consuming another woman the way he did with me.

This love was dangerous and it was so, so volatile. But the intensity that overcame us, especially now, as his hips rocked steadily against mine, filled me with such a burning contentment that living without it again could honestly kill me.

What do people do when they lose their soul-mates? How do you come back from the brink after this intensity is ripped out from under you?

Do you fall into a numb, empty vortex? Can you ever, _ever_ feel anything worthwhile again? All I could think of, was that the pain I could still feel over Edward, the searing pain, was so incredibly satisfying. Satisfying, because at least I knew he existed, was here in my arms. Satisfying, because if there was no pain, there'd be no intensity, no love, no passion. And without that…what makes life worth living?

I remember Charlie once telling me something about my mom. When I was on vacation here in Forks, my two weeks of Summer purgatory at the age of nine, I found him sitting on the corner of his bed, staring into a photo album.

He'd been startled when I came in, but didn't make a move to conceal his longings over the distant memories sealed under plastic.

I'd gotten up onto his lap and he'd sat the album on my knees, pointing to me as a gurgling baby and a bouncing toddler. I had flipped back to the front of the thick cardboard pages, and pointed to their wedding photos.

That's the only time I ever asked him about Renee.

"_Do you miss her, Daddy?" I asked curiously, staring at the cheerful expressions on their faces, covered with cake crumbs and frosting._

"_I do." He answered._

"_Don't you love her anymore?"_

_He'd kissed the top of my head._

"_I loved her too much, baby. Sometimes…I loved her so much it hurt."_

_That's when I pushed the album off my lap so it toppled onto the floor._

_Charlie protested, but I tugged on his sleeve again, demanding more information._

"_But if you love someone, it's not supposed to hurt… is it?" I wondered._

"_The best kind of love feels so good it hurts." He informed me. "It balances out. It makes you happy and sad at the same time."_

_I considered this, my nine-year-old brain trying hard to absorb it._

"_So why aren't you happy and sad all the time?" I reasoned._

"_Because mommy didn't feel that way about me. And when you can't share the happy and the sad with the one you love, you can't feel anything at all."_

"_Ever again?" my eyebrows rose._

_He chuckled then, trying to diffuse the melancholy of the subject._

"_Not the same way."_

I hadn't been able to comprehend the subject properly. To me, Dad was only ever half of what he described. Sadness was second nature to him. He was happy when I came to see him, though. But there were undercurrents of gloominess that even I, as young as I was, could perceive. They never went away, at least not completely, and never easily.

It took me years of selfishness and only-child, privileged ignorance, before I was finally able to understand Charlie's pain. And the fact that he rarely got to see his only daughter just added to the dog pile of lonely brokenness, plus, I'd kicked and screamed in protest whenever I had to see him in Forks. Imagine what it would feel, having the person you love so completely walk out on you because she wasn't given the life she imagined, and then have you're only positive outcome from that destruction (me) feel such contempt at spending time with you.

I'm a horrible daughter.

But at least now I can take measures to rectify that. Charlie had lost my best years because of my idiocy, and Renee's selfishness. Now was the time to give instead of take.

At least I had an example of what this kind of love could do to you. What the result of losing it was, and at least a small amount of experience of it, too.

Although when Edward left, I'd clung to his existence, and refused to acknowledge his absence. Was I ever really without him?

What if he was dead?

His lips curved against my neck, probably mistaking my elevated heart rate for excitement.

He looked into my eyes and saw fear there, all evidence of joy and relief transformed into concern.

"Did I hurt you?" he asked gravely, freezing.

His stillness inside me made me squirm, wanting more friction. I shook the morbid, depressing thoughts from my psyche, gaining back the frenzied ache for his body against mine. It never really dulled, anyway. Even in sleep, wakefulness or semi-consciousness; there was never a break from how much I wanted him.

I shook my head and bit my lip, lifting my hips off the bed to meet his. His head dropped to my neck with a groan and a huff of breath at the sensation.

"God," he ground out between clenched teeth.

I couldn't agree more.

He pushed into me again and I dug my fingers into his shoulders as a ripple of pleasure ran through me. Being with him like this, it was impossible to describe.

It was as freeing as flying through the air unhindered, free-falling into clear light. And it was as fluid and intense as sinking further and deeper into water.

"Faster," my voice was high and squeaky. "Edward…"

He lifted my ass off the mattress, his skin catching the moonlight from my open window. The sight would have made me gasp with admiration had I not lost my breath from the dramatic shift in position.

"Jesus," I whimpered as he drove deeper, his hands linked under the small of my back.

"Bella," he whispered brokenly.

He brought one hand in front of him as the other supported my weight. Still thrusting, he brought his free hand down my torso, curving around my breasts, his palm flattening between them and running smoothly down my abdomen. I was incomprehensible, the heel of his palm rubbing against my clitoris.

Coupled with the shockingly deep thrusts of his hips, his cock sliding in and out, my body clenching around his, I was done.

It was like I convulsed, my body gaining this bizarre, desperate strength as I reached climax. I sat up so I was sitting on his lap, his legs bent underneath him.

I wrapped my arms around him, my nipples grazing against his chest as I came apart. His mouth found mine and I rocked harder against him, my body quivering and my rhythm broken.

He grunted, breathing hard and gripped me tighter.

"I missed you so much," I confess, falling off the precipice. "Oh, God!"

He made a hysterical chuckle, slash groan. I let go of him and held myself up with my elbows behind me as he came.

I watched his muscles tense, his hips slow their pace.

And his eyes never left me.

Him watching me like that, it was almost as intimate as the physical act of making love.

Our bodies were slippery where they joined. I noticed a thin film of sweat covered my forehead and temples as I ran a hand over my face.

He disengaged, pulling himself out gently as I leaned back into my pillows.

His hand smoothed a path back up my torso and over my ribs as he lay down beside me.

"We really shouldn't have done that," he said lowly.

"Why not?" I rolled onto my side to face him as he kept his arm on my naked waist.

"I should be keeping watch, not losing myself. I don't deserve what you just gave me. God, I don't deserve any part of your life but…"

His eyes found mine again and darkened with his words.

"I was rueing the day you found someone else to give yourself to."

I ran my finger along his jaw.

"Me, too."

His jaw clenched.

"I love you so much. So, I'm not going to force you to decide between me and…" he couldn't say his name, but then he sighed.

"Jacob." He finally murmured. "Not that you have to pick either of us." He added quickly.

"But I'm here for you, always. I'm not going to give up until you're safe."

The statement finally sobered me out of my post-coital stupor.

"What happened tonight?" I asked, trying to fit everything together in my head before he answered.

He looked at me seriously, his eyes widening. His lips parted slightly, and he seemed to hesitate.

"…you know that…that I would do anything to protect you. Right?"

This made a shiver run through me, making my bones ache with dread like they did when I saw his red eyes that night long ago. When I had to break my ties with the man I loved, turned rogue by the blood.

"What did you do?" I whispered cautiously, wondering if I'd have a death on my conscience.

"Nothing," he shook his head. "Not enough, actually."

"I don't understand—"

"They're here." He spoke over me.

I frowned, remembering the figure in the woods that made me drop my flashlight. I'd seen another shoot through the woods around it.

"Who?"

He swallowed hard and leaned over to my nightstand, flicking the lamp switch. The room remained black. The power was still out, I observed distantly.

A buzzing noise sounded from the floor, and Edward reappeared at the foot of my bed with his pants in his hands, pulling his cell phone out of the pocket.

"Alice," was his shaky answer. "What's…"

Something thumped against the floor boards down stairs and I jumped almost a mile high. Edward looked at me, then tossed my shirt and jeans at me, indicating a request to get dressed.

I pulled everything on, my shirt just over my head when the sound was outside of my door and I could have screamed because Edward was silent and still, and everything felt like a horror movie about to climax into a bloody massacre.

Who were the figures I saw tonight? Who had Edward subdued? Victoria and another friend to assist? What could be worse?

When would they strike? And who would fall in the battle? I glanced at Edward as he walked to my door with ease before it opened and I shrieked.

"Bella! God!" Charlie admonished in a surprised voice. "You fucking scared the shit out of me."

Edward remained silent, concealed behind the door. He could have said something! Like the fact that being fucking terrified at a noise was actually just Charlie. My Dad is the thing that goes bump in the night.

I sagged onto the edge of my bed.

"Dad," I grumbled. "You scared me first!"

He took a deep breath, his hand still on the door knob. I considered getting him a bell to tie around his neck.

I put my hand to my thundering chest and tried not to glare at Edward for not warning me.

"So, what are you going to do about the wolves?" I asked, now that I was closer to calming down.

Charlie rubbed his eyes, probably having had just about enough excitement to last a life time. You and me both, dearest father.

"I alerted the officers on duty tonight and brought home some paper work so I could stay home with you tomorrow. The doctor said you're not allowed to be left alone when you have a concussion." He explained despite looking almost-unconscious himself.

"Dad, you don't have to look after me, I'm fine." I told him, my head throbbing dully in the background of my lies. "Really, you should probably get some sleep yourself."

"Bella, come on. It's my job." He said weakly, although I'll bet my offer sounded pretty damn good to him right now.

I bit my lip and ushered him into the hall then into his bedroom. I sat down on the edge of his bed and eyed the night stand where I knew that photo album would forever preside.

The drawer it sat in was like a tomb, encasing years of memories, mostly good, some of them bad, but never forgotten.

"Dad,"

He seemed to register my serious tone because he took his hands off his belt, his typical cop-stance, and took his jacket off, sitting down beside me.

"I just wanted to say that…I mean, I hope you know that I don't take you for granted. I know it's been hard for you—"

"Bells," he tried to stop me, patting my shoulder dismissively.

"No. I need to say this. Dad, you deserve a lot better than life has dealt you. I used to think that coming here was a chore. I never realised how great you were until I came to live with you and even though…I've had some bad times," I conceded. "I've also had some of the best of my life."

His eyebrows drew together and now that I'd managed to keep his attention and stave off interruption, I continued.

"Anyway, I never had a chance to say sorry. For Mom, especially."

"What do you mean?" he asked politely and I could almost laugh because he knew what I was talking about he just never liked to delve too deeply into the Renee subject by himself.

"I mean that you're a good man, and you loved her but she left and took me with her. You never had a real chance, besides some sporadic visits to really get to know me. To influence me. And, I know it seemed like I was doing _you_ a favour by moving here, but I realised pretty quickly how selfish I was being."

He looked away and up to the ceiling. I didn't know what I would do if he started crying. God, we were so alike that way. Hated crying, didn't know what to do when somebody else did.

But the difference was I'd never seen him cry.

"Where is this coming from?" he murmured, and his voice had turned gravelly with emotion.

"Because I've had time to think, and…after all this time, I figured out that you've done so much for me and I've barely taken the time to thank you. That I've taken you to hell and back with the things I've done and never said a proper apology. And what I'm saying now isn't just to fix my own conscience so I can sleep easier," I said, my own voice getting thick with tears. "It's because I can't stand you not knowing how great you are. That even though I don't show it, I love you, Dad. I'm sorry for everything."

He hugged me tightly and I pressed my face into his shoulder.

Frankly, I didn't know where that had come from either.

But, for some reason, I felt a strong urgency and motivation to tell him how special he was. I couldn't believe how childish I'd acted, how badly I've treated him when all he's done is love me and worry about me.

He patted my back and for once, showing emotion wasn't awkward. We were both awkward like each other so it balanced out. I wiped my eyes and he kissed me on the forehead.

"If you didn't want me to babysit you, you could have just said so." He chuckled, sniffing.

I just smiled and got up, closing his door behind me.

I felt refreshed and only slightly less terrified of whatever had been trying to hunt me tonight, emotional confessions notwithstanding.

I padded back into my bedroom and the door clicked softly behind me. Edward took my hand and smiled sadly at me.

"I owe Charlie an apology, too." He said quietly. "I owe him about a year of his daughter's life back."

I shook my head and tried to get him back to reality.

"What did Alice have to say?" I ask. "And what were you about to tell me before?"

He started with Alice, and I assume it's because it was a safer topic. Well, I was wrong.

"She still can't see our futures." He informed me and I was still terrifically concerned but no more than I was yesterday, which I was about to tell him, but then he continued.

"She can't see your future now, anymore. Which, I guess, is only a slight consolation. Better than seeing numerous visions of your death. She told me they went away after I left a month ago."

I nodded hesitantly.

"Well, yes, but…that was…" I couldn't explain it.

I'm not sure he could either.

"You were recovering," I stated. "That, coupled with my death visions, toppled you over the edge. Even before that, you were falling apart, no offence."

He grimaced.

"That's probably why I was dying in so many different ways. Because you were unhinged. You couldn't protect me..." I suggested as explanation.

"You were desperate, you were different…" I breathed in deeply and watched the Edward before me with his warm golden eyes.

I smiled, feeling a familiar contentment settle over me despite our circumstances.

"But now you're…you're Edward. The real Edward."

He smiled with relief, his eyes laden with pain and joy and uncertainty.

"I remembered what it was to be a human, I suppose. I thought about how I felt the first time I fed off of humans…how even though they were bad, I could barely look at myself, couldn't fathom interaction or relationships. How it destroyed me from the inside out."

I sat him down on my bed and he took my hands in his lap.

"I never told you how sorry I was." He beseeched. "I want you to make your own choices. I want you to not be afraid of being with me, or not being with me. But I also want you to be safe, and happy."

He sighed and looked up at me, cupping my cheek.

"You were right to tell me to leave. I needed to, to remember what I could lose if I lost myself."

I bit my lip and held back tears.

"I know you're hurt." He whispered, to reign in his shaking voice. "In here." He placed his palm over my heart and I put mine over his.

"Which is why it's your choice as to what we do now. The only thing you don't have a choice in is your safety. I'll be protecting you whether you like it or not. Everything else," he pulled back and opened his arms for emphasis. "Is up to you."

I leaned my head forward against his chest and laughed humourlessly. I gazed up at him for a long time before saying it.

"One thing I learned when we were apart was that I never had a choice. Not because you took it away from me. But because I never wanted one. The only thing I want is you, til the end."

He kissed me and whispered, "Until the very end."

* * *

I heard Charlie's snoring from down the hall and thought now was the best time to get something to eat after having nothing for way too long today. After absorbing all my emotions after they spilled unceremoniously out onto the floor, I needed physical replenishment. I padded quietly down to the kitchen. This way, Edward and I could talk louder without worrying about disturbing my slumbering father.

I had unwrapped a pop tart and placed it in the toaster when Edward told me everything.

I almost collapsed. As it were, I slumped like jello into the chair at the table sitting opposite him. He clasped my hand.

"My guess is that they haven't attacked tonight because I'm here and so are the Jaguars and Wolves. The good thing is, they can hardly have any concept of how big the pack is. Even if they try to kill you, or anybody, for that matter, they'll be destroyed."

I rested my chin in my hand, leaning on it for support as I looked up at him. I rubbed the back of my head, noting the dried blood in my hair from the accident. Head wounds can sure bleed a lot. I'm sure that looks attractive from the back.

I wonder how Edward was able to endure it.

Then I remembered back to South America. How I'd been bleeding from my injuries under the moon, my scent on the wind, a pack of rabid Vampires driven even madder at the sight. Then how Edward was barely fazed by it. At least not anymore.

I noticed him watching me, like he used to. Not darkly, not angrily, but affectionately. Like the way Carlisle looked at Esme. But it was an intense affection, and I didn't doubt I looked at him that fiercely, too.

"So what do we do now? We're basically back to square one. Playing the waiting game with the added nuisance of around the clock protection details." I complained, standing up as the toaster popped.

Edward hummed, and when I turned he was tapping his finger against his lips, thinking.

I chewed and my stomach rejoiced.

"I wish I wasn't a feeble little human." I blurted, crumbs falling from my mouth.

Edward's finger stopped and he stared at me.

I guess, we haven't talked about this for a while. Dark Edward may not have been as opposed to it as Normal Edward, but he wasn't fussed, either.

Now that Normal Edward sat in front of me, he had a pained expression pasted back onto his face. But there was also a tinge of intrigue and resignation.

I wouldn't want him to change me because he felt defeated though. I wanted him to change me because he accepted what I wanted. I also, selfishly, wanted him to want it too.

He seemed to echo my thoughts in the eerie fashion he always did.

And I thought he wasn't supposed to be able to read my mind!

"I do want to be with you forever." He assured me. "You know how I feel about it, though."

I nodded, pretending to consider it.

"I know." I turned and opened the fridge to find the OJ. "It's just that…why are we putting it off?" I reasoned, even though my argument had holes.

"You know why. Because the transition takes three days, Bella. We can't have you so vulnerable. At least if you're hurt as a human, we have a chance of changing you before it's too late. But if somebody gets to you while you're in transition, undead but with no defences, then you're gone forever."

I purse my lips and take a sip straight from the carton of juice.

"I suppose you're right." I digress.

"I just wish I could help."

* * *

The night remained uneventful after that. The next morning, Charlie left for work, rested and what could only be described as…unburdened?

I felt another wave of affection and comfort knowing I'd helped alleviate an 18 year pain from his heart.

Once the cruiser was down the street, Edward materialised behind me as I was washing up the dishes.

He offered to do them but I declined. I was occupying myself with this mundane task, even though I hated the domesticity of it. Whatever.

"I'll need to go hunting today. The rest don't need feeding, so it's the best time to go," he seemed like he was in more need of convincing than I was.

"Okay. Good." I agreed, trying not to overthink it.

After Edward left, it was Esme and Carlisle who showed up at the door unexpectedly.

Usually, they left the home-visits to the less conspicuous Cullen "children". I sheepishly let them in and tried to forget about our last meeting up at their house when Rosalie had called me out on asking about Edward and then I'd left in a huff, crashing my car and almost dying.

Yeah, that time.

Esme gave me a cuddle and Carlisle followed suit, their clothes soft and fragrant, and so crisp, and not to mention, way out of place in comparison to my house. With it's out-dated décor and old smelly sofa, well…I felt like I should lay out some plastic over the furniture.

This was the first time they had ever actually been to my house.

I asked them to sit at the kitchen table and they did while I finished making my tea.

"Is there a reason why you guys volunteered?" I asked curiously.

Esme laughed and it was such a beautiful sound, so mesmerising that I almost forgot to listen to her answer.

"We thought we'd do rounds. It's us first, then Alice and Jasper, then Rose and Em. We'll take the next shift in the woods."

"Ah," I tried to sound like I understood that explanation. "Is it so you guys don't get bored?" I joked.

"Well, a change of scenery every few hours is comforting." Carlisle offered politely.

They were so lovely. God. I couldn't imagine a nicer couple. I watched them interact, so smooth and delicately synchronised.

"Edward still doesn't want me to be one of you." I said out loud, interrupting them.

I blushed and tried to hide behind my mug as Carlisle glanced up at me with raised eyebrows.

"Well," he began. "It will be inevitable."

"I hope you know we all want you to be part of our family, Bella." Esme turned around in her chair to face me with a kind smile.

I smiled back at her, I couldn't help it.

"Yeah, I know." I bit my lip and narrowed my eyes at their lack of curiosity in mine and Edward's relationship now. "So, Alice told you everything?" I gathered.

They nodded in unison, beaming smiles up at me and I rolled my eyes.

Parents.

They even laughed together.

Then the mood shifted.

Their heads moved in the same direction, like dogs with their ears pricked up.

"It's Charlie," Carlisle informed me and I let out the breath I was holding.

"You've got to be sick of all the suspense." Esme commented, not particularly cheerfully.

I nodded, and they made a move to disappear.

"It's okay," I tell them. "He won't mind."

"We didn't exactly drive here, though." Esme countered, grimacing.

"We'll say we were dropped off. Alice wanted to use the car and we wanted to visit the chief and his daughter." Carlisle smoothed out the lie as Charlie clomped up the front steps and let himself in.

"Forgot the paperwork I brought home last night," he spoke to the house, not knowing which room I'd be in.

He looked to his left and saw me in the kitchen.

"Oh,"

Walking closer, he saw the Cullens and stopped, eyebrows in his hairline.

"Uh…Doctor Cullen, Mrs. Cullen…how are you?" he was slightly stupefied.

I'm sure he's uneasy around them, as most humans are, but there's also the added tension of them being Edward's "parents". But he treated them quite nicely as he picked up the brown folder of papers he'd left on the counter that I'd also failed to notice.

He was edging out of the room, clearly uncomfortable with their presence but not dreading it, when they both shot up out of their seats.

"What—" I began in shock, when the kitchen window shattered in.

Charlie and I ducked for cover, turning our backs and curling in on ourselves. I didn't see anything, what the hell was it?

Two people appeared in front of the empty window frame. Vampires.

Luiza and another, unfamiliar male.

I barely had time to gasp before Charlie was pulling his gun out of it's holster. They'd wrapped their arms around the Cullens. The sound of cracking stone and I screamed. Dad's gun went off but I couldn't see anything beyond the tears in my eyes and the fear filling my throat.

"No!" I shouted, my hand reaching forward numbly.

Gabriel appeared at the window, the heads of my decapitated Vampire parents in both his hands.

Dad shot at him, gaining his attention first. He threw their heads over his shoulder as if they meant nothing.

"RUN!" I wailed, pushing my Dad down the hall.

But where to run? Where to hide? Against a Vampire?

We're already as good as dead.

I'm crying and Dad's shouting and we're still alive so for a split second I think maybe, just maybe, somebody has come to our rescue.

We made it the few steps to the living room and Dad reaches for his radio to get help, and then I hear a thick growl resound from the kitchen, a large jungle cat slides into view in the hallway in front of the door, and he's wild but Dad just stares at it because I'll bet he doesn't believe his eyes.

Especially because one of the Vampires, Luiza is now battling it, holding it's jaw open and trying to break it with her hands, it's claws raking lines down her body, marring the stone before it knits back together. Gabriel must have fled. I try to get Charlie's attention. That if we run now, maybe we'll make it.

But life isn't that easy, and fate deals a hard hand.

His radio crackles like it usually does when he's on duty.

And it gets Luiza's attention. She breaks the jaguar's neck. A loud snap echoes through the house and Charlie is frozen to the spot, his gun isn't even raised in the air. Maybe he understands now that bullets won't work.

I reach out for him, but of course, she's quicker. Knocking me aside effortlessly, she lunges for my father and he can't do anything to stop it.

"DAD!" I scream. "No!"

Blood spurts from where she clamps her mouth down on his neck, and his body grows limp quickly.

"Take me!" I yell, regaining my feet, not caring whether she gets me or not now.

I'll trade in my life for my Dad's. I almost did it for Renee once.

She drops his body and I shriek and shudder at the sound of him hitting the floor like a blood-sodden rag doll. She licks her lips, her red eyes shine with life and victory as she places two gentle hands on either side of my face and I gulp.

"I'm sorry, Ed—"

The sound of stone hitting stone, a flash of colour before my eyes and Luiza is gone. I drop to my knees, my legs getting coated in the thick, warm blood pooled around my feet.

"Bella!" it's Alice.

I look down at my father, and I can't breathe.

I press my fingers to his neck where the blood is flowing, a rhythmic wave every time his heart beats. Slow, slower.

"Dad!" I cry. "Charlie."

I hear Jasper then, and Emmett and Rose. They all talk normally, in breathy voices.

I can't do this.

"Alice! Somebody," I sob. "Get over here now. Don't call an ambulance."

Alice is beside me in an instant, putting her hand where mine is over his neck wound. I can't look at his face anymore.

I look her in the eye.

"I want you to turn him."


End file.
